Laughter is infectious. When you’re with a group of friends, you can’t help but let out a few lighthearted giggles – it’s fun and innocent.
When a narcissist laughs – you know they aren’t laughing with you. They’re laughing at you.
They make you feel small, frustrated, and confused.
This isn’t love? Why are they doing this?
I hate to break it to you, but they’ve been the same since they were little.
Underneath this adult armor lies a very, very different person altogether.
Let’s explore that, and make sense of it all.
The Peeled Layers of The Narcissistic Character
Nothing underneath the layers of a narcissist is going to be fun to see.
When you peel back their ego and over inflated sense of self-importance, you usually find somebody totally different.
Narcissists love to laugh at other people. It makes them feel good about themselves when they point and look at another person’s misfortune.
The Safety a Laugh Brings: At or With?
Don’t mistake laughing with somebody with laughing at somebody.
Narcissists won’t want to laugh along much with other people when they make genuinely funny jokes. They would only see that as handing over a little power to that person.
Laughing with them tells them:
You’re funny. Let’s all pay attention to you.
No.
Laughing at a person usually comes from pointing out the way they look, what they’ve said or done, how they talk, how they laugh – anything.
Narcissists feel safe when they’re making somebody else the butt of their jokes. It’s great in their eyes to do anything to avoid themselves.
If you’re the butt of the joke, it’s not going to be pleasant. People go through their entire lives never forgetting the words narcissists use as ‘jokes.
Laughter: The Guise of The Narcissist
What you have to remember is that it is exactly what it is: a guise.
The narcissist is using the joke as a form of attack upon you, but you know it’s not true.
If they call you clumsy and laugh at you because you trip over and drop your dinner plate, their intention is to make you feel worse than you already do.
Ask yourself – is that normal?
Do you want somebody to ask you if you’re okay, and help you clear up? Perhaps there might be room for a little ‘hindsight giggle’ a little later on, but in the moment – you want that offer.
Hiding The Insecure Truth
When you’re being laughed at, you’re seeing the defense mechanism of somebody in real time.
The narcissist is no different. Their defense mechanism comes from not wanting to show their own vulnerabilities, so they place all the attention on what you are doing. Is it funny? Probably not. But that won’t stop them from pointing at you and diverting the attention away from them.
It’s what they’re famous for.
Proud of The Pain
If you really want to enter the hideous mind of a narcissist, let me take you there.
Narcissists take pride in the pain they inflict on others because it reinforces their sense of power and superiority. Your pain comes from the narcissist laughing at you.
Yes – it hurts – I know that. I also know there’s nearly always no need for them laughing at you, but they do it anyway.
The overly inflated self-image and lack of empathy of the narcissist leads them to view you as a tool to validate their own worth.
Causing you pain can serve as a way for them to fully assert dominance and control, which in turn, feeds their ego. Laughing at you takes away their inner vulnerabilities.
So they do it often – and they’re proud they’ve found something that works for them.
Emotionally 6 Years Old
When a narcissist laughs at you, do you ever get the feeling you’re looking at a 6-year-old? You see their faces all screwed up, like they’ve seen the best, most humorous thing in the world.
And yes, it’s you. You’re the joke.
This is a tactic to demean and belittle you. If a narcissist is behaving in an immature manner, they’re automatically deflecting from their own insecurities. It’s their attempt to undermine your confidence. You’re feeling great, you’re doing something fun, and in the briefest of moments, it’s gone.
For them? Result!
This is purely childish behavior, and it serves to draw attention away from their own vulnerable nature, making you feel small or even foolish.
Making you the joke is a manipulative strategy so that the narcissist feels dominant in their own immature heart.
More than general dominance, it’s also about the moment. They want to own the moment.
What you probably need to do at this point is take a real moment to breathe it in. Their laughter is childish, and their actions equally so.
This ought to tell you more about them, than it ever will you.
Empathy? What Empathy?
Narcissists lack empathy.
I think that’s definitely clear by now – but – what does that mean specifically?
The behavior of laughing at you is designed to reinforce their sense of superiority and control. If they can do that by diminishing your self-esteem, they will do that with absolutely no problem.
So, tell me, does that describe a person who possesses any form of empathy?
No, it really doesn’t.
Lacking empathy proves a narcissist is incapable of genuinely understanding you, or caring about your feelings. I mean, if they’re making you out to be some kind of joke, it’s highly unlikely they’re giving your feelings a second thought, is it?
This emotional disconnect allows any narcissist to inflict pain without feeling an ounce of guilt or remorse. Their focus is on their own needs and desires, and they view you as nothing but a stepping stone to get there.
By laughing at you, the narcissist diverts attention from their insecurities and weaknesses, using ridicule as some kind of shield to protect their fragile ego.
This is not about your worth – this is all about them.
Undermining You To Keep Control: What a Joke!
Think about the times you’ve ever been undermined by a narcissist. It probably makes you feel really mixed up inside, in hindsight, right? Maybe you wished you’d stood up for yourself. Perhaps you wondered what it’d be like if you just let it go over your head.
At the time, it’s not that easy. Narcissists know exactly what to do to have control over you, and it’s always
So, what does undermining look like?
Well, it comes in:
- Subtle insults
- Dismissive comments
- Complete and total sabotage
Yes, your confidence will plummet and your abilities and worth will be drawn up into question.
You’re off balance.
That’s the narcissist’s aim.
The worse you feel, the better they will feel.