So, you are finally at a palace in your life where you can say a firm buh-bye to the narcissist.

First off – congratulations!

Secondly – oh… You wanted your things?

Okay. It seems you didn’t think things through.

You assumed they’d be easy to get back because, well, they’re yours, right?

Wrong!

Narcissists aren’t going to just hand you your stuff back. They want it for themselves.

Weird, I hear you say. Well, not to the narcissist.

Here’s why.

Narcissists – Owed Everything

I want to start with some breaking news for you.

Narcissists feel they are owed absolutely everything in life.

I don’t just mean your manners. Your time. Your supply. Your apologies. Your anxiety. Your love. Your promises. Your confidence. Your dignity. Your loyalty.

I also mean your stuff.

Your stuff is important to you, and I understand that there was a certain time where you trusted the narcissist to look after what belongs to you.

And maybe for a while, that worked. But it always worked on the premise that the narcissist knew they were never going to return your stuff.

They knew, as soon as you handed what was yours over, that you were never going to get it back.

You Lose Out

Sad to say that in these kinds of instances, you will miss out. It’s not to say that you don’t try, but if your stuff is in the possession of a narcissist, you’re not going to win.

I bet you’re thinking, “Why do I have to continue to lose out, even to the last moment?” 

You’d be fair to think that. It’s unjust that you have to tolerate their behavior for as long as you do, and still witness them get away with keeping what’s yours. 

“Say You’re Sorry”

When a narcissist is holding your stuff hostage – they may be doing so until they receive an apology they feel is owed to them.

Now this is the kind of reason that really jolts people. If you’re being asked to say sorry to a narcissist, let’s be honest:

You don’t even owe them said apology!

Narcissists will hold to ransom what’s yours so that you back into the corner they’re walking you toward, and admit wrongdoing.

Many people here will in fact, say sorry. Not because they did wrong, but because they want their stuff back!

That’s when the narcissist will smile, nod, and tell the world:

I told you so. I was right all along. 

“Oh, This is Yours? Tough!”

I will pretend to care for just a little while… Oh but actually, I don’t care at all so, buh-bye!

Yes. The narcissist will carrot dangle your stuff to bait you into getting into some kind of argument or conflict with them.

I know – big surprise!

Hey, if they’re going to lose you, your friendship or relationship may as well go out with a bang, right?

One last source of supply from the person they intend on keeping the stuff of.

It will infuriate you that they get to keep what means so much to you – alas – this is the price to pay for ever involving yourself with any narcissist. 

They don’t have a conscience. Keeping your stuff means nothing to them.

But the satisfaction of doing so, means everything. 

Special? Doesn’t Matter!

I get it.

Once upon a time, you thought you meant something to the narcissist.

You were given the strong and very real impression that you mattered.

That you were special.

Now all of that has gone, and you now want all your stuff back because those things are actually special.

What?

Sorry?

Did you say ‘special’?

Well, tough. It doesn’t matter. Special or not, the narcissist is keeping it all.

You can cry or beg as much as you like, nothing is going to change.

Implying the narcissist might care that they are in possession of such special keepsakes of yours implies they aren’t a narcissist.

The reason you left them likely ties around the confirmation that they, in fact, are. 

Keepsakes: Maintaining Their Overinflated Sense of Self

When you split from a narcissist, your stuff is going to no longer be yours. As much as you’ll want to see it again, it’s going to stay with them.

Why?

Well, they need something to remind themselves of their past accomplishments. Your stuff will eventually be their trophies. 

They become keepsakes. They don’t look at it all with fond memories of you, and how nice you were. They look at it all thinking, ah yes, that was the person whose life I completely ruined! I enjoyed that chapter of my life. 

All it does is give them the chance to feed their already overly inflated sense of self.

Look at all the partners they’ve had! Look how many people saw them as lovable!

Look how many people chose them!

They’re reminders of the narcissist’s worth – and nothing more. 

“What Can I Gain From This?”

Now, the narcissist is going to feel on top of the world knowing they have a box of your stuff that they know means a lot to you. 

If looking at it from the narcissist’s point of view – they’re going to gain nothing but satisfaction from making you miserable. Their control over who is in possession of your stuff will make them feel on top of the world.

It’s what they live for.

Now you may not feel you gain anything from it.

That’s not true. 

While your stuff sits in the hands of the toxic person you once thought a lot of, you get to determine where you go from here.

The mistake you made of leaving what belongs to you anywhere near them will be a hard lesson to learn for the next time.

You Keep Begging – and They Keep You on a String

So, the more you ask for your stuff back, the more they will keep you hanging on by a thread, right?

You may hear:

Yeah. I’ll get round to that.

Sure. I’ll let you know when I’m in or near your place.

Perhaps. I’ll check my diary and get back to you.

My goodness. The frustration is real. 

You want your stuff, and they seem to be leaving open their promise to hand it all back to you. 

Now is the time for you to ask yourself: Do I keep trying, or do I admit defeat and take away their power by accepting I’ll neer see my stuff again?

This is your call – but just know one thing.

The narcissist will hate it if you shrug and say, “Okay no worries. Keep it.”