Narcissists are full of a lot. The more they dance toxically around you, the more likely they are to end the dance with a humiliating comment or gesture.
It’s not unusual for them to make you feel terrible, but of course, it’s more than ideal for you.
You’re just the person who wants a relationship with somebody who you thought loved you.
And now?
You’re tolering this.
If you want to know why narcissists humiliate you, their partner, listen up.
“Humiliation? Me?”
Yes.
Humiliation at every opportunity.
In fact, it’s beyond humiliation. It feels like a real stab in the back for those who have been in a relationship expecting support and encouragement.
Only to get complete ridicule and to be the butt of all their partner’s jokes.
Don’t think you’re going to get an ounce of awareness from the narcissist. Telling them they humiliate you will only make them think they’ve won some kind of sick prize.
Hooray. I’m finally getting under their skin!
And you? You just have to put up with even more of it!
Narcissists Humiliate Their Partners Because…
#1 Your Reaction Thrills Them
Seeing that they’ve got to you is what keeps their ego ticking over nicely
I mean, they really love it.
Narcissists get a kick out of you looking or being sad. It feeds their appetite like no actual food can do.
Think about how you feel when you are humiliated.
You think everybody is staring at you. You feel like you’ve done something wrong. You know people will never forget it.You’ve been made to look a fool. You know you’re going to get laughed at.
You feel less than, as a person.
Well – humiliation like that is a narcisisst’s worst nightmare, because it will raise every insecurity they have about themselves.
Rather you than them, right?
#2 They Want You To Feel As Bad As They Do
Leading on nicely to point 2!
The narcissist will humiliate you because they’d rather you were made to look like an idiot than them.
They know deep down that they have nothing real to offer. They are aware their skills might not measure up to yours, and so it’s better to instantly humiliate you and make you feel less of a person so that you are brought down a peg or two.
To see you feeling as bad as they do deep down?
Well, to them, that’s priceless. They are thrilled at your vulnerabilities showing up quite as much as they do when you’re embarrassed.
#3 They’re Jealous of You
If there’s something going on that’s pretty good in your life, your news will echo through the halls of your community.
Family, friends; anybody you know will be thrilled to hear about you and what you’ve got going on.
When the news reaches the narcissist is when you will feel the wind direction start to change.
Narcissists don’t know how to celebrate good news. They would rather take what you have going on, and toss it to the side of the road by humiliating you.
Now, this isn’t going to look the same in front of other people as it will do to you alone, but here are some examples:
The narcissist can see you doing well in a certain life area and choose that moment to say to you things like, “Really? I never had you pegged as being somebody quite so uncool,” or, “You know it’s funny. You got this job, but I don’t even know how you’d even pass the initial application stage. I thought they might want somebody with a little more, I don’t know, knowledge? Experience? Common sense?”
Looking in front of people, it can be less direct, like:
“Yeah, she did really well considering how nervous she was, or what she was up against.”
“He’s really achieved something amazing, which for once, surprised me, seeing as his usual achievements are putting the toilet seat down, or doing the dishes without me having to ask him.”
The public comments are for comedy purposes, and people will laugh. It seems innocent and fun, but you know underneath it all how humiliating it can be.
Not only does the narcissist overstep your actual news or achievement, they also manage to make you feel bad about yourself in the process by mocking you.
#4 They’re “Joking”
To me, this is the most pathetic response to a narcissist humiliating a person.
They can say what they want to you, and guess what? They can justify it all by saying it was a joke.
I had a client a few years back now, who said she wanted to treat herself to a new dress because she’d been feeling quite low about herself.
She put it on and came downstairs one morning to her husband who greeted her with, “Is that some kind of new nighty you’re wearing?”, before laughing profusely.
The smile dropped from her almost confident face, and she knew she was never going to feel good about that dress again.
What felt like a lot of courage to wear it, came crashing down in nano-seconds. There she was wearing what she could not undo as a nighty. She went upstairs to get changed and her husband did it.
He went there.
“I was only joking! God. Why do you have to take everything so seriously? Just wear it. It looks fine.”
By then, as all of you will vouch for when I say this: it’s too late. The damage is done.
An apology probably still wouldn’t have saved her from getting changed into something else, but it would have gone a long way to making her feel better…
And the husband accountable.
#5 They Love To Control You
The control of a narcissist wouldn’t survive without your conscious or subconscious permission.
Nobody sets out to purposely allow themselves to be controlled by anybody, we all know that.
What people sometimes miss, is the covert ways the narcissist will gain control of situations. If they see you happy, they don’t like it. If they can humiliate you to change your emotions or moods, they will.
Narcissists walk right in and assert this power over people because they’re so good at reading the weaknesses of others.
It’s done with an innocent smile, and the humiliation doesn’t have to be so direct.
Digs like:
Yeah we flew on a plane. You hate planes don’t you? What are you so scared of? They’re so fun!
We are going to the new gym and signing up. I didn’t think it’d be your thing, though, because you’re so shy around people.
Anything, literally anything to redden your cheeks or make you feel humiliated or ashamed – the narcissist will do it to get control of your feelings.
