Why do Narcissists Hold Sex and Affection from you?

Last Updated on June 1, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

Q: Why do narcissists hold sex and affection from you

A: Narcissists withhold sex and affection as a means of controlling you.

If you said or did something they didn’t approve of, they withhold sex and/or affection to punish you.

Some narcissists also withhold as a means of “torturing” you, making you question them repeatedly or beg them ( not just for sex, but to understand why they are doing it- you will likely not get an answer unless it is further berating).

Remember that all attention-positive or negative- is a form of Narcissistic Supply so even if you react negatively or angrily to their withholding, they still receive Narcissistic Supply.

Having you beg them and give them attention with frequent questioning are forms of Narcissistic Supply.

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

5 thoughts on “Why do Narcissists Hold Sex and Affection from you?”

  1. Thanks this was so helpful . After almost ten years plus of being in a sexual relationship and trying to figure this on off on off again pattern with the married psycho homo bisexual somatic narcissist I finally realize what had Happened to me. Used is only the begining and I allowed it .He suddenly bailed with no reason other than it wasn’t “
    Working for him”… no warning nothing. No consideration for my feelings Whatsoever. I suspect he has found another victim.

    A few years ago he didn’t even take the time to buy his “ loving wife “ flowers for Valentine’s Day but asked me and wanted to have sex the day before.. he was sick and I was just as sick as him

    When I asked
    Him why he married his wife , his first answer was she comes from a good family and she’s an attorney. He admitted he had no interest in her sexually. He was most impressed with her degree from university of Virginia and her law degree. He had one child to show off as a representation of how good of a father he could be . His wife serves as a cover for his homosexuality. He is arrogant , selfish , self
    Absorbed and lacks empathy among a host of other NPD traits

    It is all so clear to me now. I sincerely pray that nobody has to go Down the same
    Road as I

  2. Am I a narcissit for withholding sex from my partner now for a few years b c he has sexually abused me mentally abused me physically and spiritually abused me. I have no where to go with our kids so i stick around b.c of my co dependancy and i feel this is all i am worth. But i withhold sex and he abuses me more and rapes me.


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