Why Do Narcissists Have Mommy Issues?

Narcissists and their Moms… Wow.

Discovering how the family dynamics work with these two people is truly like walking through a minefield. You never know where the next explosion is going to come from – but I can guarantee it’s going to teach you a lot about the narcissist. 

In fact, I have a feeling you’ll piece together your entire puzzle once everything starts to make sense. 

Narcissists and their Moms go way back  – much further than you’d care to even imagine. Mommy issues are born from their complex history; I even have some interesting real-life examples!

I hope you’re ready for this.

The Mom and the Narcissist

It’s safe to say nobody wants to raise a narcissist. People either do it through their own narcissistic bloodline or through the habit of wanting their child to feel perfect. 

Moms and their children should have healthy relationships that allow for both parties to live independent, happy, and safe lives. 

When you have a narcissistic child, it won’t take long for mommy issues to rear their ugly head.

Best Friends One Minute

Yes, narcissists and their moms can be the best of friends one minute. That’s because, like any relationship with a narcissist, the highs are really high. 

They will spend so much time together until the narcissist burns out and retreats. 

Expect conflict here – and take cover!

This can come to a grinding halt because of ‘something’ the mom did wrong. 

And the narcissist won’t hesitate to tell everybody.

Clash of the Titans the Next

Prepare to hear of all-out war. It’s not uncommon for narcissists to tell everybody how terrible their mom is. They can be the excuse why the narcissist has so many issues, such as those of:

• Intimacy
• Lack of empathy
• The need to control
• Mood changes and dysregulated emotions

The sob story can come from the narcissist. 

None of this is my fault. I grew up with the worst mom. I wish I could change.

Mom will be the excuse for the narcissist to be the way they are, because they don’t have the ability to honestly self-reflect, or take accountability for their own actions as an adult. 

Why Do Narcissists Have Mommy Issues

Walking you through these issues, I want you to think about the narcissist you know. Fel free to mark each one that’s relevant with a point!

They Invented The Narcissist!

You can raise a child with every good and noble intention – and still create a narcissist. 

This happens by:

• Telling your child they are perfect at everything they do.
• Talking to them like they are above everybody else.
• Teaching them that they should always aim to be the best there is.
• Correcting every mistake they make so they only know perfection as an achieved result. 
• Putting them on a pedestal at all times.
• Avoiding blaming them for anything they do wrong.
• Doing anything and everything for them when they’re old enough to learn it themselves. 

Don’t get me wrong, here. I’m not saying, “Do nothing for your child, and tell them they are awful all the time.” But nobody should be raised to think they’re perfect, or better than everybody else. 

Healthy parenting looks like discussing mistakes, and ways to learn from them. It’s about teaching your kids to be their best, not the best. It’s also about helping them learn how to do things for themselves to bring those levels of expectations down.

I stand firm when I say so many mommy issues can come from the child growing up to be impossible, and for the parent to think, “Where did I go wrong?”

It rates tension and conflict, and is how many issues are born.

The Narcissistic Mom

It’s true. The narcissist came from the woman who is likely to also be one. Don’t get me wrong – not all narcissists have narcissistic moms – but a huge portion do. 

So what happens if the apple never falls far from the tree? 

The narcissist is going to learn very quickly from the moment they are born, how to act, think, talk, and behave like a true narcissist. It will all go off in the environment they live and are raised in. 

The narcissist will learn from the master how to manipulate, how to avoid truly loving anybody, how to neglect somebody emotionally and mentally, and how to gaslight.

There will be factors that you have never even considered – such as how the narcissist even played the role of the victim growing up. When they were tossed from being loved on so hard, to being completely discarded – they will implement it all growing up into adulthood. 

You aren’t going to find any kind of generational break from mom to narcissist if they are so alike. There’s no hope.

So what happens then, I hear you ask.

Well – that clash of the titans that I mentioned earlier will certainly come into play. You’ll see them fight and make up more times than you can keep up with.

The narcissist will always fall into the childlike role of wanting attention. Each time their narcissistic mom denies them it, it will only confirm the fact that they aren’t loved, wanted, or cared about.  

Bitter and even more determined to paint on an image of perfection, the narcissist will become impossible throughout their own relationships. They will also resent their mom for the lack of love, while maintaining the bravado that they don’t need it anyway. 

Moms Can Also Be Empaths…

Flipping the script, Mom can be the empath in all of this. Giving birth to a beautiful child, she is likely in a relationship with a narcissist, and that’s where those traits will follow. 

The empath and the narcissistic child will still manage to cause numerous mommy issues with the narcissist. 

The narcissist will always find the empathic mom wanting difficult conversations. (In other words, deep conversations).

Rules will be stomped all over, and the Mom will every now and then try to assert herself to no avail. Mom will allow the narcissist to do what they want, in order just to keep the peace, but the narcissist will accuse their mom of never really being there for them.

The mom will never feel good enough for her child, and the child will use the same abuse tactics with the parent as they would a partner. 

They will goad the parent into unnecessary conflict, and belittle them wherever they get the chance. 

Things can get pretty messy, and that inconsistent love and nurturing just isn’t there. As  a result, yes, mommy issues can certainly arise.