Narcissists hate everything – just to be clear. Underneath their lies, there’s nothing they find real joy in.
That’s why your hobbies are a huge problem to them.
It goes much deeper than this, which is why I couldn’t pass up the chance to delve into it with you today.
Hobbies are for fun, and there is nothing fun about narcissists.
Prepare to hear why they hate your hobbies, and exactly what that means for you.
Let’s Get to The Basics First…
When you read the word narcissist, what goes through your mind?
Maybe it’s a person you know, or somebody you fell in love with who broke your heart.
Perhaps you’re still with that person, and are trying to find ways to escape the relationship.
Is it a family member from your past or present? Are you still in contact with them?
Thinking about their character traits, do you think about how they constantly make you feel down?
Do they comment on your weight, or punish you for having goals?
Do they ridicule or punish you for having hobbies?
Hobbies Make You Feel…
Happy! Content! Relaxed! Pumped!
Well, at least, they should make you feel that way.
Hobbies are designed to give you a little boost in life. They’re a great pastime.
You make, you bake, you sew, you read, you run, you walk, you swim, you draw – whatever it is – it’s yours and it makes you feel positive.
Positive.
It’s a good word, right? So many positive connotations come from the word – it has an uplifting meaning!
Some people can drag you down from being uplifted, and those people usually don’t know who to be authentically happy.
Or as I like to call them: Narcissists.
The Joy of Having Fun
It’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Having fun is what life is all about, and I will not argue that with anybody.
Yes, we work, we take care of bills, but we live to find precious moments we can turn into memories either by ourselves, or with the people we love.
It’s a joyous time, and a time narcissists simply will not understand. How could they possibly?
Meeting, Mixing, Creating, Exploring
It makes me laugh when I think about a narcissist trying something new that they could potentially turn into a hobby.
Nothing is more vulnerable than taking a risk or trying something for the first time.
Might you fail?
Sure.
Will somebody correct you as you attempt it?
Absolutely.
Does the narcissist hate both of those things?
You bet your bottom dollar!
Never ones to put themselves out there, they would sooner hate on you for giving life a go, rather than doing it themselves.
The next time you have been made to feel like shit for daring to do something that fulfills you, spare a thought for why the narcissist is doing it.
Narcissists and Hobbies
When you break down what hobbies are, you’ll understand completely why narcissists can’t stand them.
I mean – they will run a mile from anything they naturally want to gravitate to.
That’s not to say they don’t have hobbies – but the hobbies they have will have been handpicked to blend well with the image they want to put out into the world.
Fast cars.
Expensive wine.
Extortionately priced holidays.
Hitting the gym hard and posting every single result for approval and flattery.
Shopping for the best and most exclusive items.
They will convince themselves that they have hobbies, when in fact all they’re doing is looking for ways to continue to impress people.
They Will Try to Destroy Your Hobbies
Insecurity is at the forefront of every narcissist’s campaign to bring misery to your life.
Destroying your hobbies means you no longer pursue what makes you feel happy. You stop caring or sharing ideas.
Any creativity you have – dissipates.
Any joy you get from positively passing the time is replaced by them.
Can’t I be your hobby?
Can’t we find something to do together?
For the second question, sharing a hobby with your spouse is always fun. If you both enjoy swimming, you might do it once a week.
But to expect you to replace your hobbies with everything that involves compromise – well – it hardly seems fair.
Your life should comprise all the little things that make you. You don’t need to pretend, or put aside a passion just because the narcissist in your life tells you they hate it.
What they really mean is they hate to see you happy.
They hate to see your flourish.
They hate that you can relax and switch off and find something else other than them interesting or fun.
Time Shrinks Your Passions…. And Joy
If all narcissists had their way, changing you would be instant.
They know that isn’t possible, so it takes time to shrink everything about you…
…Starting with your hobbies.
As the days turn to weeks, the weeks to months, and – if really unfortunate – the months to years, narcissists will take everything from you.
It will be so slow that you don’t recognize it. Most people I’ve worked with say they just wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and they don’t know where they disappeared to. They say things like:
I didn’t know who the person was staring back at me.
I look so tired.
My eyes don’t even open properly.
I have lost my spark.
Naturally – these things will happen when you’re under the control of a narcissist long enough.
Hobbies are one way they take the color out of your life, and turn it slightly more black and white.
You lose the inspiration to do anything, and before long, they call you boring and lifeless.
They accuse you of not liking anything, but anything you do happen to like, is criticized or condemned.
So there you see yourself – at the crossroads of, I can’t win and nothing’s ever good enough.
Which way do you go?
Look For The Third Option
I often say it’s never visible enough to those looking for it, but if you step back, you’ll see it.
The third option at these crossroads is my fresh start.
It’s not obvious, because it’s never sold to you.
But it’s there. It contains a future where you can be yourself, rediscover old hobbies, and even find new ones.
If you’re ever in any doubt about your life, that step back will be crucial for your healing.
Hobbies are supposed to be fun, so if you’re not having fun, you’re being held back.
