I now pronounce you…

…Wait! You said, ‘I Do?’

Marrying a narcissist is not the end of the world (there’s always a way out, even if it’s messy). However, understanding exactly what you’ve got into once you see the mask start to slip can be devastating.

You think you’re starting a brand new chapter with the one you love, only to realize they’re a narcissist and any kind of happiness you feel you deserve is going to be crushed over the years.

It’s then you ask yourself, “Why do they even want to get married if they’re so toxic?”

Well, believe it or not, there are several reasons why a narcissist wants to exchange vows and commit to a life with somebody – and as a spoiler, none of them go in your favor.

Let’s take a deeper look.

To You…

Marriage is a symbol of love. It shows you are committed to making your relationship work with somebody you care deeply for. It represents the conscious want and desire to be there for that person through thick and thin.

For better, for worse, and everything in between.

You’d be right to have those values about marriage. 

It takes work to make a marriage survive and stand the test of time. It takes strength, love, patience and compromise.

It also takes empathy and the concept that you must also both remain yourselves within the union, so as not to get lost in each other’s identities. 

That’s why you might get married, anyway…

Fear of Abandonment

Often overlooked, the narcissist actually has a fear of abandonment.

I’m just talking about you going out for drinks with your friends at the weekend (although, equally, I actually could be if the fear is that bad), but I am talking about you leaving them. 

They can’t bear the idea of being rejected because if you walked away, it would be a symbol that you no longer want them.

What does that do?

Well, that reignites their secret yet deeply embedded belief that they aren’t good enough, that they are actually very unloveable, and that they do not deserve to be with anybody as good as you. 

Marriage is a reassuring way for the narcissist to believe and realize that they are in something ‘permanent’ – which can help die back those flames of insecurity that you’re going to leave them.

Expectations Within Their Culture

Marriage is still viewed by many as a pressure or expectation to get married. When we look around the world.

I think we are getting better with this as a society by the way, marriage, in essence, is proof that you are doing what is expected of you.

Narcissists like this idea, because they feel they are conforming to an idea or concept that proves they are one of those dually dedicated to keeping those concepts alive. 

If it isn’t the right thing for the narcissist, they will still dive in and go ahead with it, because they want to look good in the eyes of everybody else.

While that may be superficial – hey – that’s the narcissist.

They Love a Show!

I mean – like any of us needed reminding of the narcissist’s love and craving for a good show, and what better show to put on than that of a wedding!

Come one, come all!

If they could sell tickets, they would! 

For one day, they are the center of attention, and they get to declare their love for you in front of potentially hundreds of people.

What better way to throw off their narcissistic scent than by proving their love and affection for you in the form of vows, promises, rings and gestures?

The narcissist wants to throw the wedding that nobody will forget. With over-the-top themes, ideas, and extravagances.

They will ensure that their ‘love’ for you remains in the minds of your guests, which is especially handy on the occasions you may decide to tell people of your concerns later down the line.

Clarity? What Clarity?

Narcissists aren’t clear people. They never say what they mean, they never mean what they say. They don’t like to sit on the side of honesty, so sometimes they can enter into a marriage without any real clue as to why.

For you, you love them, you want this, you want to settle down and have children and live happily ever after. For them?

All they see is somebody who wants them. They don’t understand why they’re entering into something so complex, and this can make it pretty evident that you won’t be on the same page as them throughout.

This lack of consistency will eventually become problematic, but it’s safe to say there will be no shared values between you when you enter marriage. 

Harder For You to Leave?

The narcissist looks upon marriage as a high impossibility that you will never leave them. For you, to say yes to such a wonderful display of affection, is going to make your day.

You’ll feel all your dreams are coming true as this person actually loves you and wants to be with you!

For them? Well, they’ve got you. They’ve got you hook, line and sinker.

They know that when you say yes and bolster your way through the wedding plans and the fairytale wedding itself, this ‘contract’ is final.

The narcissist will always have somebody to reach out to for supply, conflict, gaslight, shame, ridicule, criticize, love bomb, and discard—that’s you now.

Once the dotted line has been signed, the narcissist knows it will be hard for you to leave, and usually when it finally comes to divorce – the narcissist can make you pay for wanting out. 

There is Always a Way Out

I’m not here to tell you what to do. Whether you’re married, engaged, in a relationship or single – the aim is to inform you and keep your knowledge on narcissism always within reach should you need it. 

On that note, I want you to also file this piece of knowledge away in case you need to remember it someday.

There is always a way out. 

If you are in a marriage or relationship that’s heading that way with a narcissist, and you feel or sense you’re becoming trapped – never for one second believe that there’s no way to escape.

It does not matter if you are twenty-five or eighty-five—you’ve earned your right to freedom if that’s what you feel is calling you. 

And freedom is attainable, no matter what you’ve been led to believe. 

10 Things Narcissists Will NEVER Do!

Narcissists do a lot of things. They hurt. They inflict emotional pain and misery.

They confuse, lie, and cheat. They purposely take what is not theirs, all because they feel it is owed to them.

They will isolate you, and gaslight you. They will destroy your dreams and crush your confidence.

BUT… 

…Today I want to talk about what the narcissist never does.

Turning the tides like this is going to give a very interesting insight into the mind of a true narcissist.

#1 Say Sorry

Hold on a second, I am just checking the narcissist’s dictionary.

P, Q, R, S….

…Sorry.

No. It’s not there. It’s gone straight from sinister to snappy. 

Okay well, to know it isn’t in there is to know they never use the word. They don’t even know it exists!

To be sorry would be to admit they did or said something wrong. Maybe (probably) even hurtful. 

Expecting an apology would be setting yourself up with very high hopes. You aren’t special enough for an apology, but neither is anybody else. 

#2 Admit They’re Wrong

I would love to be present the first time a narcissist ever holds their hands up and admits they’re wrong. 

I messed up!

It was my fault!

How can I make it better?

I feel terrible!

No, no, no and no!

If they did, it would mean they’ve suddenly developed a talent for self-reflection. They would be putting themselves in the position of being mindful of others – and – well – just no.

I don’t know of a single narcissist in history who happily admits they were wrong. To them, being wrong is a sign of incompetence and weakness. 

Never!

#3 Follow Through With Promises

A promise is a lure.

A lure is a false security.

A false security becomes your reality.

Your reality never makes sense.

The narcissist’s promise is going to sound wonderful. You will look forward to the day it comes true, and you dream about it happening.

The narcissist, at some point in the future, will forget they even made the promise in the first place. You’ll wonder if it was all a dream – but your idea of reality comes crashing down.

Narcissists never follow through with promises. In short, they use words to keep you close. They use words to make you trust them. They use words to pretend to want the same as you so you feel you have ‘so much in common.’

#4 Be Emotionally Consistent

The narcissistic personality is largely comparable to a rollercoaster. There are ups, downs, twists and turns. Dealing with it is also filled with, “When will this be over?” 

It won’t be over.

Narcissists are not emotionally consistent because that would be boring and predictable. They like to keep you on guard, with maximum opportunity for you to feel anxious and eventually depressed. 

Emotions are unregulated, and this is because the narcissist was never taught to explore all of theirs. There is deep shame in vulnerability or sadness, so they cover them up with anger or grandiosity. 

For you or I, it’s awfully strange to witness, but it creates this feeling of walking on eggshells around them. 

Never knowing what mood they will be in is so damaging to even the most stable of people. 

#5 Stop Gossiping

Narcissists live and love gossip. If there is something to talk about, they will be the ones in the middle of it all. 

Gossip to them is like fuel. Talking about how bad somebody else’s life is, or a mistake someone made only makes them feel better about themselves. If they can hear or catch wind of someone else’s pain, they are going to relish in it.

After all, if people are talking about that person, then they can’t possibly be talking about them. 

To the narcissist – this is better than good!

Another day, another sidestep. 

#6 Forgive

Just like sorry – forgiveness is not in their dictionary. 

While they expect everybody else to forgive them, the narcissist doesn’t offer the same grace to others. 

Forgiveness to them, is a sign of weakness. It means you hurt them and got away with it. Forgiveness is akin to permission to hurt again – and that is simply unacceptable.

Denting the narcissist’s pride is going to be something they will remember forever. Just when you think they’ve forgotten, they will remind you.

Hey, remember that time you did this?

Remember when you did that?

Yeah. You do. How can you forget when you’re being constantly reminded?

#7 Take Responsibility

Never ever will you see a narcissist tell you that they were responsible for something bad. 

On the contrary, they will literally hold their hands up and say, “Nothing to do with me.”

The chaos they can whip up is truly disturbing, yet they firmly deny playing a toxic part in it.

Be cautious of this- it’s one of the biggest red flags!

#8 Be Truly Vulnerable

Vulnerability is a sign of weakness to the narcissist.

All the narcissist wants is to be strong, be known as strong, and nothing else. 

Think about it. If the narcissist in your life ever exuded weak traits, would they be abl to manipulate as much as they do? Would they demand control in all aspects of your relationship? 

Absolutely not!

They can’t. They’re fearful of being hurt. In fact – it goes beyond fearful. 

It’s a real phobia. 

Remember that underneath the facade lies a very insecure person. Sometimes it’s hard to think about because they’re so often obsessed with being the big ‘I am.’ 

#9 Express How They’re Really Feeling

They don’t want to, and they don’t know how to express how they feel. 

As mentioned above, vulnerability is all about expressing how one feels, being open and honest. Now, don’t mistake this for every emotion—it isn’t. 

Narcissists are great at expressing anger. Rage. Impatience. Self-importance. Disinterest.

These emotions are all reactive – something has to ignite those feelings.

Anything that involves looking deeper, at what’s really going on underneath the surface – forget it. 

#10 Love You

They might say they love you and genuinely love you in their own capacity.

It isn’t love though.

It’s their version of it, which comes with conditions and control. 

I love you when you…

I’ll love you if you…

When you do this, it makes me wonder if I love you…

Love is unconditional. It means accepting that you are not in control (we can’t help who we love). The narcissist’s fear of not being in control is a huge part of their personality. They prefer to have everything ticking along the way they want. 

Love is not on their agenda. People are merely pawns they can utilize.

What Do Narcissists Fear The Most?

Have you ever wondered what lurks beneath the polished facade of a narcissist?

Beneath their charming smile and self-assured demeanor lies a deep-rooted fear that consumes them. This fear drives their manipulative tactics and desperate need for control.

This article will uncover the hidden vulnerabilities that shiver down their spine.

From the terror of facing their own insecurities to the dread of being abandoned without an audience to manipulate, we will expose the true character of narcissists.

Get ready to peel back the layers and discover what keeps them up at night.

#1 Exposure of True Character

The exposure of a narcissist’s true character is their greatest fear. They dread when the facade they’ve carefully constructed begins to crumble and their manipulative tactics are laid bare for all to see.

Being exposed by an educated, clear-minded empath is especially terrifying for them, as their carefully crafted illusions can no longer fool anyone.

The fear of being found out and the exposure of their manipulations keeps them constantly on edge, desperate to maintain control over their victims.

They know that once their true nature is revealed, their power over others will diminish, and they’ll no longer be able to manipulate and exploit those around them.

Being exposed for who they are sends shivers down their spine, for they know their true character is far from admirable.

#2 Losing Control

Losing control shakes the very foundation of a narcissist’s existence. It’s their worst nightmare, the one thing they fear above all else.

Losing control means losing their power and ability to manipulate and control others. It implies losing the reins on their victims, no longer being able to bend them to their will.

The thought of someone seeing through their facade and truly understanding who they are terrifies them.

They thrive on controlling others, and losing that control threatens their sense of self. It’s a constant battle for them to maintain their hold over those around them.

But deep down, they know they may lose control one day, which scares them more than anything else.

#3 Fear of the Truth

Uncovering the truth is a nightmare for narcissists, as it reveals the depths of their manipulative nature. They fear the truth like nothing else as it shatters their carefully constructed facade.

The truth exposes their lies, their deceit, and their true intentions. It strips away the mask they wear, leaving them vulnerable and exposed.

The fear of the truth drives them to great lengths to manipulate and control those around them to ensure their secrets remain hidden.

They’ll take extreme measures to silence anyone threatening to expose their true colors.

But no matter how hard they try, the truth has a way of coming to light, and when it does, it’s a devastating blow to the narcissist’s ego.

#4 Ordinariness

When the truth shatters the carefully constructed facade of a narcissist, their worst nightmare becomes the thought of being just an ordinary person.

Narcissists thrive on the belief that they’re special and superior to others. They crave attention, admiration, and validation to maintain their inflated sense of self-importance.

The idea of being ordinary sends chills down their spine because it means they’re no longer the center of attention.

They fear being seen as average or mediocre because it threatens their grandiose self-image.

To them, being ordinary means losing the false sense of superiority they’ve carefully crafted, and they’ll go to great lengths to avoid facing this reality.

#5 Aloneness

Aloneness is a narcissist’s deepest fear, as they dread the prospect of a world where they’ve no one to manipulate. They thrive on the power and control they exert over others, using them as sources of narcissistic supply.

The thought of being alone, without anyone to feed their ego or bolster their self-esteem, terrifies them.

They fear losing their ability to influence and manipulate people to meet their needs and desires. Without a constant stream of victims to exploit, they’re left feeling empty and insignificant.

The absence of others to validate their grandiosity and provide a constant source of attention is their worst nightmare.

Aloneness exposes their true nature and forces them to confront their insecurities and flaws, which they desperately try to avoid.

#6 Lack of Attention

As the fear of being alone exposes the true nature of a narcissist, another fear that plagues them is the lack of attention.

Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration, it fuels their ego and gives them a sense of power. They constantly seek validation from others, needing their presence and admiration to feel important and superior.

The thought of not being the center of attention terrifies them, as it threatens their fragile self-image and exposes their insecurities.

They feel insignificant and invisible without constant attention, which is unbearable for their inflated sense of self.

They fear losing control over others, as attention is their means of manipulation and control. The lack of attention leaves them powerless and exposes their true lack of substance and genuine connection with others.

#7 Happiness of Others

Does the happiness of others threaten the fragile ego of a narcissist? Absolutely.

Seeing people around them, especially their victims, enjoying their lives is like a dagger to their sense of superiority.

Narcissists crave attention and admiration, so when others find happiness without their influence or manipulation, it challenges their belief in their importance.

Their deep-seated insecurities fuel the narcissist’s need to control and dominate others, and the happiness of others serves as a constant reminder that they aren’t as powerful or significant as they believe themselves to be.

To maintain their fragile ego, narcissists will often try to undermine or diminish the happiness of those around them, seeking to regain a sense of control and superiority.

#8 Self-Love of Victims

The self-love and empowerment of victims is a powerful force that sends shivers down the spine of a narcissist.

When a victim discovers their self-worth and begins to love themselves, it becomes a direct threat to the narcissist’s control and manipulation.

Narcissists thrive on the vulnerability and low self-esteem of their victims, using it to exert power and control over them.

But when a victim starts to believe in themselves and recognize their value, it breaks the narcissist’s hold over them.

Self-love empowers victims to set boundaries, stand up for themselves, and refuse manipulation. This newfound strength and independence terrify the narcissist, as they realize they can no longer exploit their victim’s insecurities.

The self-love of victims becomes a beacon of light, illuminating the narcissist’s darkness and exposing their true nature.

#9 Financial Responsibility

When victims begin to assert their self-worth and set boundaries, they not only challenge the narcissist’s control but also face a new battleground – the realm of financial responsibility.

For a narcissist, financial responsibility is like a ticking time bomb ready to expose their true nature. In this arena, they fear being held accountable for their actions and inability to fulfill their financial obligations.

The call to pay bills and manage their finances is a stark reminder of their grand facade crumbling down. They fear the loss of their financial power and the exposure of their irresponsible behavior.

Financial responsibility is a mirror that reflects their flaws and forces them to confront their shortcomings, something they’ll do anything to avoid.

#10 Indifference

Indifference sends chills down the narcissist’s spine as they dread a world that moves on without reacting to their dramatic antics.

They thrive on attention and validation, constantly seeking admiration and praise from others to fuel their fragile ego. But when faced with indifference, their worst fear becomes a reality.

It’s the ultimate rejection, a cold reminder that they aren’t as special or important as they believe.

The narcissist’s fear of indifference stems from the profound insecurity that lies beneath their grandiose facade. They can’t bear being ignored or forgotten, as it threatens their sense of superiority and control.

Related–> How To Make a Narcissist Fear You?

#11 Accountability

As their worst fear becomes a reality with indifference, narcissists are further confronted with another terrifying prospect: accountability for their actions.

The mere thought of being held responsible for their behavior sends shivers down their spine. For narcissists, accountability is like a mirror that reflects their imperfections, revealing their true character to the world.

They fear the consequences of their manipulations being exposed and the possibility of facing legal repercussions.

The idea of being forced to take ownership of their actions and their impact on others is unbearable to them.

Accountability is the antithesis of their desire for control and power, and it threatens to dismantle the carefully constructed facade they’ve created.

The narcissist will do everything in their power to avoid accountability, but ultimately, the truth will catch up with them.

#12 Legal Consequences

Legal consequences are a terrifying reality for narcissists, as they not only confine their manipulative nature but also expose the true extent of their actions to the world.

For narcissists, the thought of facing legal repercussions sends shivers down their spine. Their worst nightmare is being held accountable for their actions and facing the consequences of their manipulations.

The iron bars of a jail serve as a constant reminder of their wrongdoings, trapping not just their bodies but also their deceitful ways.

Legal consequences strip away their power and control and bring to light the true nature of their behavior, leaving them exposed and vulnerable.

For a narcissist, the fear of legal consequences is a constant reminder that their actions have consequences and that they aren’t above the law.

#13 Losing New Victims

The narcissist’s survival depends on constantly finding new victims to manipulate and control. Losing new victims is their worst nightmare. Without a fresh supply of victims, their power and control diminish, leaving them feeling vulnerable and exposed.

They fear losing the ability to exert their influence and feed off the energy of others. The narcissist thrives on the attention and admiration they receive from their victims, and the thought of not having new victims to manipulate is terrifying to them.

They rely on the constant influx of new victims to validate their sense of self-worth and superiority. Losing new victims means losing their power and importance, so they’ll go to great lengths to ensure they always have a fresh supply.

#14 Strong, Independent People

Losing new victims is a narcissist’s worst nightmare, but their fear intensifies when they encounter strong, independent people who can’t be manipulated. These individuals pose a significant threat to the narcissist’s fragile ego and control over others.

Strong, independent people have a deep sense of self-worth and aren’t easily swayed by the narcissist’s charm or manipulation tactics. They see through the narcissist’s façade and refuse to be drawn into their web of deceit.

The narcissist becomes frustrated and powerless in the face of someone who refuses to conform to their desires or be controlled. They fear losing their grip on these strong individuals and feeling a loss of power and superiority.

Therefore, encountering strong, independent people becomes a source of anxiety and insecurity for narcissists.

#15 Being Alone

Being alone can be a terrifying prospect for a narcissist. It means they have no one to control or manipulate, which is something they thrive on.

Narcissists enjoy having power and dominance over others, and being alone strips them of that ability.

Without someone to feed their ego or provide them with attention, they are left facing their true selves, which they desperately try to avoid. The thought of not having anyone to validate their grandiose self-image deeply unsettles them.

Additionally, being alone means they are unable to fulfill their constant need for narcissistic supply.

Narcissistic supply refers to the admiration and attention they crave. Without this supply, narcissists feel a sense of emptiness and fear being confronted with their own insecurities and shortcomings.

So, being alone becomes their nightmare as it threatens their self-image and exposes their true vulnerabilities.

#16 Facing Themselves

Facing their own deeply buried insecurities, narcissists are confronted with their greatest fear – their true selves. The façade they meticulously construct crumbles when they face the reality of who they truly are.

This confrontation exposes their flaws, weaknesses, and insecurities, which they’ve spent a lifetime trying to bury deep within. The narcissist’s ego, which is built upon a fragile foundation of boasting, is shattered when they’re confronted with their true identity.

They fear facing their own reflection because it forces them to acknowledge their imperfections and confront the shame they’ve long avoided.

In this moment of self-confrontation, the narcissist is stripped of their illusion of superiority, leaving them feeling vulnerable and inadequate.

The fear of facing themselves is so overwhelming that they’ll go to great lengths to avoid it, perpetuating their cycle of manipulation and self-deception.

#17 Rejection or Abandonment

Rejection or abandonment is a narcissist’s ultimate fear. They can’t survive without an audience to validate their grandiose tales. The thought of rejection or abandonment sends chills down their spine, threatening their fragile sense of self-worth.

Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. Without it, they feel empty and worthless. They rely on others to feed their ego and boost their self-esteem.

Being rejected or abandoned means losing their source of validation and control. It exposes their true character and forces them to face the reality that they aren’t as special or superior as they believe.

Rejection or abandonment is a harsh blow to their inflated ego. It leaves them feeling vulnerable and exposed.

#18 Criticism

When faced with criticism, narcissists’ fragile sense of self-worth is shattered, exposing the true depths of their insecurities. Criticism hits them like a dagger to their inflated ego, dismantling the carefully constructed facade they present to the world.

They can’t bear being seen as flawed or imperfect, so they’ll go to great lengths to avoid criticism.

Whether it’s constructive feedback or a simple observation, narcissists will react with defensiveness, denial, or even rage, as they can’t handle the idea of their flaws being exposed.

Criticism threatens their grandiose self-image and forces them to confront their own deep-seated insecurities, making it one of their greatest fears.

#19 Educated Partners

Having an educated partner can be a narcissist’s worst nightmare, as it exposes their manipulative tactics and holds them accountable for their actions. Narcissists thrive on controlling and dominating their partners, using their ignorance or lack of knowledge to manipulate them.

However, when faced with an educated partner who’s aware of their tactics and can see through their lies, the narcissist is left vulnerable and powerless.

An educated partner sets boundaries and refuses to be manipulated, forcing the narcissist to confront their insecurities and face the consequences of their actions.

This level of accountability is something that narcissists fear the most, as it threatens their grandiose image and reveals their true character.

So, if you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, remember the power that comes with knowledge and education, and never underestimate the impact it can have on dismantling their manipulative tactics.

#20 Moving On

Moving on from a narcissist can be a liberating and empowering experience. It’s the ultimate act of reclaiming your independence and freedom. When you choose to move on, you’re breaking free from the toxic cycle of manipulation and control.

It’s a brave step towards healing and finding your happiness. By leaving behind the narcissist, you’re choosing to prioritize your own well-being and mental health. You’re no longer allowing their toxic behavior to define your worth.

Moving on means no longer being a pawn in their game but creating a life filled with peace, self-love, and authenticity. It may not be easy, but it’s necessary for a brighter and happier future.

How To Outsmart The Narcissist?

Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.

Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?

Wrong!

You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!

Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.

So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?

Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask

Narcissists! 

You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!

Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.  

Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!

You know it well, I’m certain!

Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be. 

They’re also incredibly convincing at it. 

But don’t be fooled. 

Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.

They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at. 

Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you. 

Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen. 

This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them. 

Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.

They Think They’re So Clever!

Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally. 

They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.

They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you? 

It is to so many people, sadly.

The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword. 

Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all. 

Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!

What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others. 

Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.

Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.

You? Really? …

Yes! Really!

You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?

Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.

If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind. 

You’re so not alone.

Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively. 

The key? 

Outsmart them!

Let’s get to the good bit…

How to Outsmart a Narcissist

#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!

Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!

The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.

Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back. 

Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.

Composure is key, just like consistency. 

#2 “Gray Rock”

The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist. 

The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.

You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.

Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.

Bingo!

When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.

Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.

You’ve become so boring!

No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…

#3 Deflection – Master It!

Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable. 

One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.

Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.

I’ll give you an example.

They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?) 

Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?” 

It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks. 

#4 Information is Preparation!

Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else. 

You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up. 

Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points. 

This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.

This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?

#5 Gather Your Support System

It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.

You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.

Encouragement is also heavily advised here!

Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to. 

Let’s start unlock that potential!