The worst part about being a witness to any narcissist, is that you see first hand how they get away with absolutely everything.

The injustice makes you angry. You want to be able to understand exactly why Karma never seems to meet and greet them in the way it should. 

For everything you suffer and go through, the narcissist has an easy ride.

You’re annoyed – and you should be. The narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing.

So the question I get asked is why. Why, Alexander. Why do they just get away with so much?

I don’t know whether my answer for you will help you, or annoy you even more!

Let’s Start With a Story…

I want to take you to a time when I visited London. I was in a queue buying a few things, and there was a couple ahead of me. They were purchasing a few items that were on a deal, and they had one other item not included in that deal to buy, too.

Only it became very apparent that the man was unwilling to pay for the latter item. 

“I am a regular customer here. I am buying these two things, but you know, I really would like this  other item for free. Do you think we can come to some kind of deal?”

The store clerk looked a little taken aback, and told the man that it wasn’t for free. 

“Oh, come on. It’s just one thing. I shop here all the time. In fact, I am probably the one responsible for keeping you open!”

This did nothing to change the mind of the store clerk, and by now, the man was getting a little frustrated.

Soon enough, the manager of the store was called over and took the man to one side. I hoped nobody would cave in at this point, because I could see how unbelievably rude and entitled he was being. It was as if he just expected to be given what he wanted. 

The manager and he began talking and before long, I could hear laughter as they found common ground within the topic of football. 

“Oh, you’re a blues fan too! Haven’t they had a great season?”, was all I could hear from the customer.

You know what happened?

The manager ended up giving him the item he wanted for free!

I was so mad. I was rooting for justice to be served, and for them to not back down – alas – they did. As the customer walked out of the store, he tossed the item to his wife like he didn’t even care for it anyway. 

His aim was to win.

To get what he wanted. 

Nothing was going to stop him. 

The Audacity!

We all know the sheer audacity of the man’s actions and requests were off the charts. I don’t know anybody who would be so entitled as to ask for something for free – for no reason. 

But that’s narcissists in a nutshell, isn’t it? They don’t even need a reason to get away with what they do – they just do it. 

Healthy People: Would We Dare?!

And this is the part that tickles the people who come to me for advice. 

Would we have the same audacity? Would we ask something as readily as this, and actually fight for what we want so callously?

No, we wouldn’t. We would go into the store, find what we need, and buy it. There would be no way we would pick up an item and expect that we’d get it for free, just because we asked for it. 

We’re healthy and emotionally regulated to know that not everything is meant for us, and that the world doesn’t revolve around us.

Narcissists?

They don’t think that way – and will never believe for one second that they can’t get what they want. 

Narcissists Only Want One Thing…

…Their own way.

It doesn’t matter what journey they take, or who they hurt, embarrass, mock or criticize on the way there. 

Some may say they’re shameless, and I’d be inclined to agree. They don’t embarrass themselves when it comes to pushing the agenda to suit them. Look at the man in the store! He was aware he had an audience, and he played into it. The more the store clerk initially pushed back, the louder he got. The more attention he drew to himself with the belief that noise created success. 

All About The Wins…

And what happened afterward?

He walked out of the store with what he wanted, acting like he didn’t care about it at all. He practically threw it into his wife’s arms, scoffing to himself.

It was never about the item. 

It was about how he could get what he wanted.

Sometimes narcissists do this with material things, and sometimes they do it with real people. 

Devalue What They Fight For

That devaluing of what they fight for is proof that the narcissist is only out to prove to themselves that they can have everything their own way, and that nobody is going to stop them from doing that.

The store clerk wasn’t good enough. They weren’t going to allow him to take that item, and the narcissist dismissed them and found somebody who was willing to give him what he wanted.

In real life situations, the same thing happens. You will be tossed aside if you don’t do what they want you to do. 

The narcissist will always find a ‘yes man,’ and if it isn’t you, it’ll be somebody else. 

Enabling: What It Can Look Like

• Making excuses for the narcissist. Oh, they really want to go there or do this. You don’t know how much it means to them. I know how much they love it. It doesn’t help matters – and it just adds fuel to their fire of determination.

• Covering for them is also enabling them. I’ll wait out here and take any calls you have while you deal with this. Good luck! Number one – the narcissist doesn’t need luck. Number two – you’re dealing with everything else for them while they go ahead and get what they want – again. 

• Ignoring their demands! Oh, you know what they’re like. They love to never give in until they eventually get what they want. It’s quite endearing, really. Leave them to it. No. It isn’t endearing. Nor cute. It’s actually toxic, and in ignoring it, you’re enabling the narcissist. 

Rewarding Bad Behavior… Enables Bad Behavior…

To me and to others familiar with narcissistic abuse – this comes down to one thing:

Enabling bad behavior. 

People give narcissists what they want in order to just get rid of them and for the hassling to stop. For an easy life – they enable. 

Which sounds like the other person just wants to stay in their peace, right?

Well, that part is true. But backing down in order to achieve that peace only gives the narcissist the indication that what they want, they can always get. 

Imagine showing off just to put people down?

Well, like i said…

…No shame!