Why Do Narcissists Blame You For Cheating?

So, let’s get this straight…

You’re in love. With a narcissist. They cheat on you. They then blame you.

In a nutshell, have I got it right?

Cheating is never okay. I hate to say it, but it’s so common with narcissists.

They cheat, then they dare to blame you for their indiscretions. 

What happens next is down to you… and I can tell you now… there are a lot of potential feelings and responses.

I’ll lay it all out for you, because it gets pretty interesting.

Narcissists and Love

Love isn’t the main theme of the narcissist’s life. They don’t even love themselves underneath it all. They pretend to, but they don’t. How can they, when they know they’re such an insecure, shallow, hollow person?

Under all the egotistical layers – that’s their opinion of themselves. 

You came along and made them briefly feel better about themselves by sacrificing so much of who you are in the process.

The more you lose yourself, the better they feel.

When they want more of something, they will look for ways to obtain a larger supply.

Usually, this is found in other people. 

People who they cheat with. 

Cheating: Do We Need to Go There? 

Do you really want to talk about this? 

You’re wanting to go there?

Yes! You do! You want to know what’s going on, how it got to this, and why you’re discussing cheating in the first instance. 

You do need to go there, and narcissists will sometimes try to walk away from any argument you raise because guess what…

…It’s going to be difficult! They have to listen and talk, and say or hear things that go beyond their usual shallow self. 

See also  13 Not-So-Subtle Signs You Might Be Married To a Narcissist

Why Narcissists Cheat and Blame You

No reason from a narcissist should be the reason you feel bad about yourself, so please, as you work through these one by one – do not look at them as a reflection on you!

#1 “You Aren’t Giving Me What I Want”

Oh dear. Poor narcissist. You’ve given them absolutely everything you can, and they make out as if you are depriving them of something so bad that they had no choice but to leave you and find it elsewhere.

Are you kidding me?

Nope.

Narcissists tell you that they had to cheat, because you weren’t enough of this or that. Meanwhile you then feel terrible about not being enough – the theme song of the narcissist. 

In truth, it’s more likely that you’ve started to stand up for yourself, and the narcissist doesn’t like this new, astute version of you.

To the point where they now need somebody new and innocent to manipulate so they can feel better about themselves all over again. 

“What I want” usually constitutes being let off the hook, and given a free pass to forgiveness every time they mistreat you. 

And you know what? Maybe you are giving them everything an emotionally healthy person could need in a relationship, and the narcissist wants to find more of it elsewhere. 

That’s also not on you!

#2 You Weren’t Loving Enough

No, we all know that’s not true either, but that’s exactly what a narcissist will say to point the finger of blame your way. 

They don’t want to admit that it’s them who isn’t the loving, or kind person. 

Imagine being so cut up that somebody isn’t supposedly loving that instead of ending the relationship, they choose to cheat. 

See also  9 Signs You Are Dating A Narcissist

Narcissists are known to project anything they feel or do onto other people, so they don’t have to deal with it personally themselves. If they’re treating you badly, it’s you who is going to be accused of doing such a thing.

Hey, nobody said it was going to be fair…

#3 Because You’re a “Terrible Person”

Oh, that’s right. Here we go. This is the one that’s sent to make you feel like you are completely horrible.

They cheated because you aren’t nice. 

Now, let’s get one thing clear here.

You aren’t a horrible person. You did nothing wrong. They simply see you as a great excuse to use for their cheating, their lying, and their deceit. 

You’re the reason they went off and found somebody else to cheat on you with. You forced them to do the wrong thing, and they had absolutely no choice in the matter.

It’s not right, is it? I mean, you and I both know that no adult with any ounce of self-respect can blame somebody else for cheating on you. 

Cheating is 100% the fault of the person who did the cheating.

If you forgot to compliment them one morning, or you weren’t there for every whim and prayer of the narcissist – they will use that against you. They are so needy, that all you need to do is forget to blink in their direction on one occasion for them to justify wrongdoing. 

It’s not hard to be faithful. You choose to be with somebody, and you stick with them. If you want to be with somebody else, you leave the person you’re with to pursue it. 

See also  Why Do Narcissists Love-Bomb You?

Don’t expect a narcissist to understand that. 

#4 “You’re Boring!” 

Oh, yay! Well, if you say I’m boring, then it must be true!

Hey, here’s a message to the narcissist.

If I’m so boring, why the hell are you with me?

Don’t buy into their pathetic excuses when they call you boring.

At the end of the day, their cheating will have totally destroyed your sense of self, and to top it all off, they will call you boring!

I don’t think so!

You’re not boring – they just want you to feel bad about yourself, and they’re desperate to find the most efficient way of doing that. 

#5 “They Make Me Feel Wanted!”

Define wanted?

You mean:

They’re new to me, so they think I’m the best thing since sliced bread!

They think I’m cool, and that novelty has worn off with you, so I needed to get my supply from them while I could!

They do what I tell them to do without asking a single question!

Oh, come off it. They’re a gullible, new person, and you treat them like so.

It was you once upon a time, after all!

The fact that they blame you for not making them feel wanted is another flimsy excuse sent to destroy your self-esteem. 

And You?

Cheating has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the narcissist. Their behavior – meeting somebody and going behind your back – is wrong

When you are faced with the blame for your narcissistic partner cheating, you need to remind yourself of this very moment.

The fault is not yours. 

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