Look at what I’m doing for you.
Doesn’t it prove I love you?
Don’t you just want to love me right back now?
Narcissists will act like they love you for reasons you may not even have considered. It’s deception at its finest, and it can truly lead people to become heartbroken.
I’ve known people to deny the reality of the narcissist not actually loving them – because they were so convincing.
It’s a lot to get your head around, right?
Narcissists are great actors – but what’s in it for them?
Emotions + Narcissists = Error
Oh no. The act of a narcissist in love is really uncomfortable to watch once you know they can never truly love you.
The acting can be Oscar-worthy though. Why? Because they try to make it so convincing – not just for you – but for everybody around them too!
Emotions a narcissist genuinely feels are:
Anger.
Rage.
Jealousy.
Hate.
Insecurity.
Disdain.
Boredom.
I’ll stop there, because I think you know where I ‘m going with all of that.
Any good, loving, kind, compassionate, warm emotions?
No! Absolutely not! Forget it!
Error strikes the (icy) heart of a narcissist when they’re expected to feel or express love, but they can certainly give it their best shot.
They pretend well for a variety of reasons.
What You Want: Amanda’s Story of Love
Amanda was married to Jonathan for several years. When they first met, Jonathan told Amanada how he couldn’t believe his luck. Meeting her and seeing her felt like his whole world had stopped – for all the right reasons.
Amanda was loving and loyal. She wouldn’t hurt a fly, and her kindness reached out into her family and friendship circles. She was a good judge of character, and Jonathan’s passion and zest for life and success made her feel happy.
After just a few short months, Jonathan knew he had to do something to keep Amanda, so he proposed, and they married just six short months later.
Their marriage quickly turned into a ‘promises only’ marriage. Amanda soon lost count of the times Jonathan told her he would do this, or that with her. Holidays were never booked. Amanda’s wants and needs were never listened to. Her self-esteem plummeted due to Jonathan’s criticism and moods. Among those, he displayed brief periods of affection.
Jonathan reiterated that he loved her, but he never gave Amanda a reason to believe it in his actions.
It was all an act.
Eventually, Amanda realized that Jonathan didn’t know how to love anybody other than himself. He put his own needs first, and never gave her a second thought.
He acted as though he loved her until he had that ring on his finger – then it all changed.
Why Did it Have To Be This Way?
Amanda’s story isn’t unusual. In fact, many people go through very similar processes when it comes to love – because the narcissist always acts their way through it.
For Amanda, the love she felt from Jonathan lasted just a little while, just long enough for him to get his trophy wife, and to prove to everybody that he is lovable enough to marry.
She loved Jonathan, and that was the worst part. She had fallen in love with him, and wanted to spend her life being together. All the plans he said he wanted, she did too.
He acted, and she fell for the script.
Love: Why Narcissists Act Like They Do
Jonathan, like all other narcissists, have their reasons for pretending to love you.
#1 To Keep You Close
Keeping you close is the narcissist’s way of always having somebody close by to rely on. And no, it doesn’t always need to be you, but if you love them and never want to leave them, they will know you’re there no matter what.
So – what does the narcissist do?
Well, it’s easier for them to pretend they feel the same, isn’t it?
#2 So Other People “Ooh” and “Aah” Them
Narcissists love to draw a crowd, especially if they are doing something worthy of being considered ‘a show.’
So, that being said, you’re going to be their co-star. You will be put on a pedestal, so everybody thinks the narcissist is the most loving, amazing person in existence.
Wow, aren’t they just the best partner?
They’re so caring!
I wish my partner did those romantic things for me!
Do you? Do you wish you didn’t assume they were like that behind closed doors?
Nobody truly knows the narcissist quite like the spouse – so let’s get one thing crystal clear:
People ooh and aah the fake version of the narcissist, so that this version is the only one they believe exists.
#3 To Pretend To Be Authentic
Narcissists want to fit in, in a lot of respects. They want to look like good, fine upstanding citizens.
Yes, they love people.
Sure, they like to move, and buy furniture.
Of course, they can pay you a compliment in front of other people.
They do it because they want to fit in. Nothing about them is suspicious if they’re acting in the same way other people are, right?
Let it never be said that narcissists want to 100% stand out from the crow. When it suits them, they want to fit in and be exactly the kind of person everybody else is..
#4 Showering With Gifts: To Hold it Against You
One way a narcissist can act like they love you is by buying you.
Little gifts, maybe.
Big gestures, sure.
Whatever their path to your heart, they will walk it.
And then? The real time comes where they hold it against you at a later date.
Yes, they acted like they loved you at the time, but that was so you’d thank them by doing a million lovely things for them, or telling everybody how thoughtful they are.
Don’t believe it will last – because it never does.
#5 To Demand You Act In Accordance With Their Love
In no uncertain terms, the love a narcissist says they have for you must match pitch.
In other words, if you are loved strongly, the narcissist will expect you to behave in ways that allow their high expectations to thrive.
I love you as much as I possibly can, so you should treat me with respect!
Oh yes – these words, and words similar will always be there, ready for then narcissist to spew.
If you were to step out of line, the narcissist will throw the love they say they have for you, right back in your face.
And it’s you who will suffer.
Ironically – that love doesn’t even exist!
It’s all a ploy.
