Why do I Want to Bite my Boyfriend?

Do you want to bite your boyfriend? Are you fighting the urge to sink your teeth into your boyfriend’s neck? You’re not alone.

Many women find their boyfriends so irresistible they can think of nothing better than taking a bite out of them. There are several reasons you might want to bite your boyfriend, and none of them have anything to do with vampires.

When you look at the animal kingdom, many animals express themselves orally, not by speaking.

For example, horses bite each as a means of communication and social grooming, dogs nip and bite during play. Even monkeys use social biting to establish the pecking order within their troop.

So, what’s the difference between this type of social biting and the desire to playfully nip your partner during moments of intimacy?

According to psychological scientists, not that much, but other factors are at play.

Do You Want o Bite Your Boyfriend

Why do I Want to Bite my Boyfriend?

There are four primary reasons why girlfriends bite, the first of which is by far the most fascinating.

#1 You’re Suffering from Cute Aggression

Have you ever been so overwhelmed by the cuteness of a fuzzy puppy or tiny baby that you’ve felt the urge to bite or squeeze it? How many of us look at a baby animal and say, “It’s so cute I could eat it”?

There’s a scientific explanation for peculiar response and it’s called cute aggression.

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When confronted with something we find overwhelmingly cute many of us respond by wanting to bite, pinch, or squeeze it.

Fortunately, scientists say, we have no intention of actually harming the thing, be it a puppy, a baby, or even your boyfriend.

What is Cute Aggression

Cute aggression could be a form of social biting that we inherited from our ancestors, but it’s also a neurochemical reaction that, scientists say, prevents us from becoming so overwhelmed by this level of cuteness that we become incapacitated.

According to researchers at Yale University, cute aggression is a type of ‘dimorphous expression’ that causes us to express both negative and positive emotions “simultaneously in a disorganized manner.”

It’s a bit like crying and laughing at the same time. We are so emotionally overcome that a simple smile just doesn’t cut it.

Dr. Oriana Aragón of Clemson University believes the reason for dimorphous expression is to communicate complex emotions to those around us.

Do You Really Want to Hurt Your Boyfriend?

Cute aggression doesn’t mean you actually want to hurt something but that your emotions are so overwhelming that they come out chaotically.

Nevertheless, cute aggression has possible benefits for the person expressing it and the cute things on the receiving end.

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The study led by Aragón found that cute creatures stimulated activity in the “brain areas involved with emotion” and within the brain’s reward system. In other words, “It’s not just rewarding, and it’s not just emotion.”

Scientists believe that cute aggression kicks in to moderate our powerful positive emotions, helping us to get a grip on the “baby high” we experience when seeing a cute infant.

Dimorphous expressions towards a baby may also, Aragón says, teach “babies to recognize the difference between playful aggression and true aggression.”

Not everyone experiences cute aggression, but those who do are more likely to cry when they’re happy, laugh nervously when frightened, and bite their boyfriends as a sign of physical intimacy.

Girlfriends bite their boyfriends to gain control over the positive emotions they’re feeling towards them. It enables them to express emotion without becoming completely overwhelmed by it.

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#2 You Want to Mark your Territory

When we really care about someone, we want the world to know about it, and marking that person with someone as unique as your teeth is one way of doing that.

Biting your boyfriend hard enough to leave a bruise tells the world that he’s yours in much the same way as wearing his college ring or letterman jacket.

Love bites or hickeys can be seen as signs of possession or as a form of bonding. Nibbling on the neck is almost exclusively the male’s job in the animal kingdom.

Love Biting is Marking Your Territory

Havelock Ellis was an English psychologist, essayist, and physician who studied human sexuality in the 19th century. In his research, he noted “that male mammals frequently held female mammals’ necks between their teeth before mating.”

In the 21st century, it’s easier to accept that such dominance or possession is due to an individual’s personality and preference rather than their gender! Indeed, studies show that “women are as likely, if not more likely than men, to commit IPV” or intimate partner violence.

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This is particularly true of love bites. These tender nibbles tend to occur during times of physical intimacy, which is also when we have the so-called “love hormone” oxytocin coursing through our bodies. Unfortunately, despite its name, oxytocin “may also increase aggressive behavior“, especially in women.

#3 Biting Makes You Feel Good

You know how chewing gum helps to alleviate stress? Well, biting your partner also triggers a positive response. The act of biting or chewing “activates several brain regions that are essential for cognitive processing, including the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex.”

It also releases endorphins that influence “impulse inhibition, prospective memory, and cognitive flexibility.”

Love bites are as much about sucking as they are biting. Some people, like Sexologist Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., believe that the sucking action also invokes “a primal response of pleasure and satisfaction.”

Don’t worry. You’re probably not the only one enjoying the experience.

Sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. notes that the more aroused your partner is, the higher his pain threshold and, therefore, “the better a bite or constant sucking feels.”

#4 You’re Trying to Gain the Upper Hand

While sexpert Mackenzie Riel, believes that biting “can be an exchange of power or a sign of showing affection,” others maintain it’s more “about power and control.” If your boyfriend allows you to bite him or even enjoys the experience is being submissive to you.

He’s putting himself in a vulnerable place where he could get hurt, and in doing so, is giving you the upper hand.

Historically speaking, biting and giving hickeys were ways for a male to “tighten his grip on the female,” but clinical sexologist Shannon Boodram believes women are more likely to bite their partners to “stabilize their position as the head bitch.”

According to Boodram, biting is just one of the many subtle sexual behaviors we use to exert power. She says, “Playing with power is a very pleasurable thing… And love bites are a gateway drug to that.”

#5 You Need Your Boyfriend

Biting isn’t that different from suckling, and like suckling, it indicates a deep-seated reliance.

When babies suckle on their mothers, it fulfills a very basic need – nutrition. When a woman bites her boyfriend, it mirrors that action and dependence.

Biting also indicates that you are comfortable with your partner and willing to express both negative and positive emotions in his presence.

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What Does Biting Mean in a Relationship?

A little nibble here or there is no different from a comforting touch or kiss. These signs of physical intimacy mean you’re genuinely interested in one another and care deeply about each other. 

Biting doesn’t always express a positive emotion, however. In some situations, it could indicate problems within the relationship or expectations that haven’t yet been met. 

Biting Can Indicate Anger or Frustration 

Toddlers sometimes bite their parents when they’re frustrated or angry, largely because they lack the language skills to express themselves clearly.

In relationships where emotions are running high, adults can experience a similar problem. 

Maybe your girlfriend has been trying to talk to you about something she feels is wrong in the relationship but becomes angry and frustrated when she’s unable to get her point across.

As a result, she may be tempted to bite you to express those emotions and get your attention.

This type of biting is very different from a love bite and is meant to spur you into action by making you realize the depth and intensity of her feelings. 

Biting as a Sign of Affection

Giving your boyfriend a playful bite on the nose or nibble of the ear is a sign of affection more than anything else.

Closely linked to cute aggression, it expresses the chaos of feelings that threaten to overwhelm you when you’re head over heels in love. 

Actions speak louder than words, and a quick nip on the cheek can say, “I love you” in any language. 

Biting to Gain Dominance

Giving your boyfriend a love bite or hickey could reflect how you feel about the relationship more than how good he tastes. 

Perhaps you feel your partner takes the lead in everything you do and want to upset that dominant-subordinate relationship by putting yourself on top. 

Women often resort to using fairly feline behaviors to express themselves, be it scratching, growling, or biting. Of all these, the bite is their most powerful weapon.

Just as animals bite each other during mating, your girlfriend may bite you to gain the upper hand and let you know that she’s equal to you or even a little bit dominant. 

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How to Introduce Biting into Your Love Life?

Biting someone you’ve only just met isn’t advisable. It could come across as being a bit weird and more than a little painful.

The only time biting is fun is when it’s performed in a warm, loving relationship with your partner’s consent.

If you suddenly find yourself driven by an overwhelming case of cute aggression, first check with your partner how he feels about being bitten.

How To Introduce Biting into Your Love Life

For some, a bite on the neck can arouse desire, while it may dampen all feelings of desire for others. 

Once you’ve got your partner’s permission, concentrate your cute aggression on the erotic zones around the lips, neck, ears, lower abdomen, inner thighs, and nipples.

Be gentle, to begin with, applying just enough pressure to leave a mark. 

Having mastered the basic love bite, why not incorporate some of the different types of bites detailed in the Kama Sutra?

These include tiny bites known as uchhunaka, which are only hard enough to leave a faint mark and are aimed at either the ears or the left cheek.

If you fancy something a little more erotic, try the Varaha charvita. This type of love bite, named after the chewing action of the wild boar, is placed randomly all over the body and tends to be “harder bites that created the red centers.”

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Biting can be a way to communicate affection and desire. It can also deepen the level of intimacy you share with your partner and announce to the world just how much you care for them. 

Biting your partner can also make him feel better about himself. By biting him, you’re letting him know how much you need and desire him, making him feel like the sexiest man on earth!

Why Biting Your Boyfriend is Perfectly Normal

The desire to bite those you feel most attracted to is a perfectly normal, if somewhat confusing, response.

When we’re overwhelmed by positive emotions, cute aggression kicks in to stabilize those emotions and prevent us from becoming incapacitated by our feelings of affection. 

Giving your boyfriend a nip on the ear is nothing like sinking your teeth into his shoulder and biting down with as much power as you can muster.

Nevertheless, both actions are common expressions of love and intimacy rather than true aggression.

Cute aggression isn’t the only reason girlfriends bite their partners. Some women bite out of a desire to assert dominance, while others may express frustration or anger.

Still, others bite to leave a mark on their partner’s body that tells everyone else they’re already spoken for. 

The urge to bite is a normal expression of affection and desire but not one that’s always gratefully received.

Even if your desire threatens to overwhelm you, check before you sink your teeth into someone.

After all, it’ll be up to them to cover up the residual bite marks… or show them off to the world as a sign of their sexual prowess. 

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Last Updated on August 4, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

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