Last Updated on April 7, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
Why do I get annoyed with my mom so easily? Some reasons include being too controlling, being a hypocrite, and being too demanding.
Many children ask this question out of guilt because we live in a world where we are bombarded with messages about what life should be like.
Mothers are loving, caring, and love their children unconditionally. Their children are supposed to love them with the same intensity.
But unfortunately, this is not always the case; some children are raised in abusive homes or restrictive and oppressive homes, which breeds resentment.
Unfortunately, there is no manual for being the perfect mother, and some women miss the mark completely. That’s not to say they’re bad people; they just didn’t have the tools required to raise children properly.
So keep reading if you want to know the answer to the question, why do I get annoyed with my mom so easily?
8 Reasons Why You Get Annoyed With Your Mom
Some of the reasons you get annoyed with your mom could include: she is too controlling, a hypocrite, and too demanding.
Dealing with a mother you can’t get along with is a frustrating endeavor, but when you understand why, you can start working on learning to be around your mother without feeling annoyed.
Here are eight reasons why you get annoyed with your mom.
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#1 She Is Too Controlling
Mothers can be too controlling and don’t give their children the freedom they need to experience the world through their own eyes.
A controlling mother will place restrictions on you that can feel suffocating; you know she’s always watching you and evaluating everything you do.
Her beady eyes are constantly on you, from the food you eat to how you style your hair. However, some experts state that controlling behavior from parents is often due to anxiety. Clinical psychologist Sarah Schewitz says anxiety makes you think the worst.
So a mother may live in fear that something bad will happen to her child. She can only get any relief from this fear by controlling every aspect of her child’s life.
Another reason for her controlling behavior may be that she thinks it’s everyday parenting because that’s how she was raised.
#2 She Is A Hypocrite
When an authority figure tells you how you are supposed to live your life, but they aren’t living it, it can get very frustrating hearing them chastise you for things that are okay for them to do.
Your mother can scroll through her phone at the dinner table, but you can’t. Your mother can tell little white lies when she needs to get out of something, but you can’t.
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Your mother can eat junk food, but you can’t. But when you pull her up on it, she responds, “I’m your mother; I can do what I want.”
These double standards are incredibly annoying, and the more she exhibits them, the angrier you get. Many parents fail to understand that children don’t do what you say; they do what they see.
So if your mother isn’t modeling the same behavior she expects from you, you will automatically lose respect for her.
#3 She Is Too Demanding
Although demanding parents think they want the best for their children, their behavior hinders them from getting ahead in life.
Your demanding mother is obsessed with perfection, everything must be to the standard she wants it, and if it’s not, all hell breaks loose.
For example, if you get an ‘A’ in math, instead of your mother telling you she’s proud of you, she’ll say something like, “Well, maybe you can get an A+ next time.”
Another frustration when it comes to a demanding mother is that she expects perfection from you, but she doesn’t give you the space to achieve perfection because she has you running around like a headless chicken.
She steals all your time by making continuous requests; her demands are so annoying because she could get done herself half of the things she’s asking you to do.
#4 You Have A Personality Clash
Sometimes the only reason we don’t like people is that we have similar personalities. If you’re hard-headed and your mother is hard-headed, you will clash.
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Two stubborn people living under the same roof is going to cause problems.
#5 She Doesn’t Understand You
Unfortunately, some parents don’t know their children. Even though they raised them, they have no idea who they truly are.
Because your mother doesn’t understand you, she misinterprets everything you do, and you find that you keep having to explain yourself to her when as far as you’re concerned, she should know.
#6 Your Childhood Wasn’t The Best
Whether you were abused or raised in abject poverty, a traumatic childhood can cause you to feel resentment against your parents.
You may have a great relationship now, but something is triggered every time you see your mother, and anger wells up within you.
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#7 You Haven’t Forgiven Her
Even if the incident happened several years ago, unforgiveness would cause you to hold onto that angry feeling, and when you’re around her, it’s as if her presence rubs salt into your wounds.
It’s easy to hold a grudge against someone you love and trust. Theoretically, pain shouldn’t come from your loved ones, especially not your mother.
So a part of the resentment you feel towards her isn’t that she hurt you, but that she wasn’t supposed to hurt you because she’s your mother.
In addition, holding a grudge can cause you to become anxious or depressed because you can’t stop thinking about what happened.
#8 She Is Too Strict
It’s normal to have rules and boundaries in the home, but when they are so oppressive and restrictive that you can’t even tell a joke without getting into trouble, being strict has gone too far.
Your strict mother has zero tolerance for anything or anyone; she has a problem with everyone’s supposed lack of discipline.
She doesn’t like how your teacher runs the classroom or the way your grandma manages your behavior. She has a ridiculously long list of rules, and if they’re not followed meticulously, she has a tantrum.
It’s important to mention that if your mother is too strict, it may not be because she’s a dragon and just enjoys making your life hell.
Her over-the-top strict behavior maybe because she’s afraid of you making mistakes, especially costly mistakes that could ruin your life.
She may have had a similar experience, like getting pregnant by someone she wasn’t in a relationship with.
Even though she loves you, having a child under such circumstances restricted her progress in life, and she doesn’t want you to go through what she went through.
Is It Normal To Hate Family?
Yes, it is perfectly normal to hate your family…let me explain. Society has conditioned us to believe that blood is thicker than water and that families are the only thing we’ve got.
But the reality is that some family members are so toxic you would never choose them as friends. Toxic family members are bad for your mental health, and they should be kept at arm’s length.
Hate is a strong word, and the dominant image we are fed is that families are loving, caring, and happy.
But for many people, the white picketed fence lifestyle with the perfect-looking family isn’t something they’ve experienced, and in most cases, they probably never will.
So, in the same way, you would hate a rude, disrespectful person who is always nasty to you, if you have family members like this, you will hate them.
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Why Are Parents So Controlling?
Some parents are most definitely controlling. As far as they’re concerned, they gave birth to you and have every right to tell you how to live your life no matter how old you are.
Also, some parents try and live their unfulfilled dreams through their children.
Growing up, your mother dreamt of becoming a ballerina, but her parents were unable to afford to put her into a dance school.
Now that she has a girl, and she makes enough money to afford to send her daughter to ballet school, that’s exactly what she does.
Her daughter won’t have a say in the matter, and she will force her to become the ballerina she never was.
How To Stop Being Annoyed By Your Parents?
Walking around with a chip on your shoulder doesn’t benefit anyone, especially yourself.
You can stop being annoyed with your parents by doing the following: accept their flaws, don’t take it personally, and find an outlet for your anger.
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Accept Their Flaws
Children think their parents are perfect, but they realize they are flawed human beings just like everyone else when they grow up.
This reality can be disappointing, but it’s important to understand that because they’re not perfect, they are going to make mistakes.
Sometimes, these mistakes can have an adverse effect on you.
Don’t Take It Personally
As mentioned, your parents are flawed, and a lot of their negative behavior towards you reflects what’s going on inwardly.
Therefore, instead of getting agitated any time your parents treat you in a way you don’t like, remind yourself not to take it personally because their frustration has nothing to do with you.
Find An Outlet For Your Anger
Anger is a natural human emotion, and your parents will keep making you angry for the rest of your life.
The problem isn’t that you get angry with your mother; it’s that your anger isn’t managed correctly. Emotions are designed to be released, and trapped emotions can cause health problems.
One of the ways to release anger is through exercise, so on the days when your parents make you mad, go for a jog before approaching them about what made you angry; you’ll feel a lot better.
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What Mental Illness Causes Anger?
Several mental illnesses cause anger. These include, but are not limited to the following: Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and intermittent explosive disorder (IED).
Bipolar disorder is a mental condition characterized by extreme mood swings. For example, one moment the person is pleased; the next, they are outraged.
Research suggests that people with bipolar disorder display more aggression episodes than those who don’t have the condition.
Patients with schizophrenia can display angry, aggressive, and impulsive behavior during the acute and chronic phases of the condition.
Additionally, psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions can intensify these episodes.
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)
Intermittent explosive disorder is accompanied by impulsive episodes of angry, violent, and aggressive behavior. People with this condition are known to react disproportionately to the situation. For example, a road rage incident occurs where a person is seriously injured as a result of being cut off in traffic.
After reading about some of the mental illnesses that cause anger, if you feel that you display any of the symptoms, get professional help as soon as possible.
Now that you know the answer to the question, why do I get annoyed with my mom so easily? You can work on doing something about it.
Living in a state of perpetual anger is no fun, and it will hinder you from moving forwards in life. People are people who will do and say things we don’t like.
We have no control over the way people treat us, but we can control how we respond. If you’re tired of being angry all the time, start working on how you react to your mother’s behavior.
If you are dealing with a toxic negative person, your goal should be not to stoop to their level. Your mom might not be ready to deal with her issues, but don’t let that stop you from dealing with yours.
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6 thoughts on “Why Do I Get Annoyed With My Mom So Easily?”
Alexander, thank you for this post. I felt like you were talking directly to me at certain points. I grew up in a narcissistic family where my father was the narcissist and my mother was always the enabler. She presented herself as a victim and made it my job to protect her. I was not allowed to go out to play with my friends, because she did not want to be left alone. When I got older I was not allowed to date boys, because that meant I would be out and she would have nobody to protect her. Ironically, now that I am a grown woman, it is my mother that I hate more than my father, even though he was the one who abused me per se. So thank you, this post meant a lot.
Reading this has made me see things in another direction. l need to deal with my issues. I have have grown up with a toxic and abusive mother, my Dad died when I was 11 thoo I only got to see him only on Decembers or in some holidays. My self esteem is very low I can speak to more than two peaple, am shy, I shake and sweat everytime am confronted. In school I Neva used to answer questions due to fear. I feel so frustrated and blame my mum,sometimes I hate how numb i am. Now at the age 21 am trying to mold my character and building courage but often fear overwhelms me and weighs me down. My mum is so hard to deal with since she is the only one who provides and educated me, it get hard to confront her but the more quiet I get the more angerly I get. I feel like running away,Neva to come back.
I feel like that too
You know a lot of people get a raw deal outta life. It usually starts by not having the coolest parents and stable foundation right?
This can happen for a multitude of reasons. However in life there’s no positive point playing the blame game yh. It just leads to arguments and more hurt.
It’s an “it is what it is situation” we have to have the wisdom to understand we can’t change things that have happened before this point.
However we do have the power to affect the here and now, and by doing that we can make our future better.
So understand your mum is hurt and angry at the life she was dealt, she hasn’t been given the skills to change her mind set, and as a result you are her emotional punch bag. She’s trapped herself in this cycle of that is how it is for you guys right?
Now here’s where the power is yours. Breathe, think and grow you. Understand you have the power of life. You are in control of your destiny. You are 21 years old and you are legally entitled to do as you please.
Go out. Join a gym, look after your body and this will help your mental health, this should always be your first priority.
Find something you are interested in, and go do it. Use instagram to see what you like. Work towards being the best u can be.
Trust me no one has the power to do this for you, you have to do it for yourself in the world.
Once you work on yourself, you’ll shine. Make sure you laugh everyday and try encouraging you mum to do the same.
Watch comedy tonight.
You have one life. Live it!
thank you so much for this information. You helped me discover that I have Bipolar Disorder. I truly appreciate this.
I never really liked my Mom either. She left me (along with my Dad) when I was 14. I grew up in the Eastern block and they left for the States. To make sure I am not bored she left me bunch chores to do – taking care of the house, vineyard, chickens and ducks and a garden. Plus I was going to school and taking english classes after.
I developed bulimia and took 8 years to get rid off. I did sime therapy work too.
My Dad came back when I was 18 but then I left to continue my studies. Eventually he died.
Anyway, long story short, eventually I made it to America, finish my school, got a good job, found a boyfriend (together for 8 years…knock on wood). We have many hobbies together.
My Mom, on the other hand, moved back to my home country and increased her farm. Now, she is calling me back (my siblings too), leave my boyfriend, job, my lifestyle and come to help her with the farm. Seriously?!
What a selfish Mother. Makes me not wanna visit her at all and be around her.