Narcissists are known for their toxic behavior –that part is well established.
Nobody really discusses just how addictive it is to date one.
And I know you might be thinking, “Addictive? Really?”
That’s where the addiction comes to life. You don’t know until you look and see for yourself.
Addiction is real, and it can become a part of your life that feels almost impossible to get rid of.
Dating a narcissist leaves you torn between the highest of highs and the lowest of lows – both chasing each other constantly.
WHY?!
Addiction? Really?
Addictions never feel like addictions until you shine a light on them. Narcissists don’t feel addictive until you read your experiences and begin to unpick how they affect you.
The cycle of any abusive relationship can flit very quickly between amazing highs and destructive lows.
It’s this pattern that allows the space for addictive behavior and responses to be formed, and how hard it then becomes to break away.
I don’t want you to think that addiction is solely meant for alcohol, drugs, substance abuse, or gambling.
If you are in a negative situation that you cannot willingly or freely move past, then you are likely caught in some kind of addictive cycle.
Addictive Aspects of Narcissist
Narcissism becomes addictive because of how you’re treated. Beyond the initial treatment, there are the ways that treatment makes you feel.
It then goes on from there – and how much you begin to devalue yourself, or what should constitute a healthy and loving relationship.
Narcissism itself isn’t addictive. You don’t become one just because you’re involved with one. But the way they treat you acts like a very strong push and pull.
And you begin to live for the ride.
You’re conditioned to live for the ride.
You’re in love with the extreme ways they love you both before and after they act like they hate you.
And narcissists will act like this because they love the constant changing of the relationship between you. They can’t stand stagnation – while healthy and emotionally regulated people see that as stability.
They need drama. They need a cycle that they can control.
Why Dating a Narcissist Feels Like a True Addiction
The addictive aspects of dating a narcissist will certainly open your eyes.
#1 They Cause Fall Outs
With the narcissist never admitting to causing a fall out, you will fall into this addiction loop of looking to them to blame, and looking to them to love.
It’s like the cruelest trick of the mind to see somebody treat either you, or others, so poorly. But the loving aspect of them will override any sense of clarity during those times.
It’s a little bit like the rose-tinted glasses people often refer to. You’re truly seeing somebody who isn’t fit to be anybody’s partner – let alone yours.
And yet here they are, causing massive and widespread destruction.
And you love them.
#2 You Find Yourself Standing By Them
Leading perfectly into the next reason:
Loving the narcissist is like an addiction. You know it is because you stand by them.
If they were to upset or hurt you, or anybody you know, you’re there for them.
You make excuses.
Oh, they are struggling lately.
They’ve always been impatient.
You know what they’re like.
You just have to get used to the moods.
Just ignore them. They will come around eventually.
You tell yourself it’ll all be okay soon enough, and you wait it out, like it’s a storm.
Narcissists are human storms. They crop up without warning and cause chaos. They have people running around in panic or fear. When they’re done, you’re left with a mess to tidy up.
Only that mess is emotional, as well as physical.
Standing up for the narcissist even when they’re in the wrong derives from the attachment formed between the two of you – and that’s what causes you to feel addicted. This is different to love – it’s dangerous.
It’s dangerous to support somebody you know is hurtful, just because a toxic bond has been created between you. However – the toxic bond is there – and it is addictive.
#3 The Cycle – The Push and Pull
The worst part of narcissistic abuse is the cycle that you get trapped inside of.
One moment everything is perfect, and the next there is anger, rage, jealousy, arguments, constant conflict, anxiety, sadness, tears, pain, hurt, discard, insecurity…
…I could go on.
The confusing thing that a lot of ‘outsiders’ think is, “Why do you stay for so long?”
Well, people stay in these situations, because the cycle is what is addictive.
Those highs I briefly mentioned are incredibly high. They are passionate, intense, encapsulating – moments made where you just feel it’s you and the narcissist against the world.
They shower you with so much love and attention. Their affection for you is off the charts. They tell the world you’re the best thing that happened to them.
That’s what keeps you staying through the bad times.
You couldn’t possibly leave – and so you don’t.
#4 You Can’t Say No
Narcissists make it impossible for you to say no to them. Not because you’re physically unable, but because you’d rather not deal with the fallout when you do.
You get the silent treatment. You get the anger and rage. You get the revenge.
What’s the point, right? You’d rather just nod along and agree. That way, nobody gets hurt.
Except you do. You get hurt no matter what you do, but you’d rather do it trying to make them happy. Losing your boundaries this way and having that inability to say no strips you of your identity, and there is a slither of addiction that comes from wanting to go to such extremes.
#5 Mirroring
Oh, you love that? I love it too!
We are so alike!
I feel exactly the same as you.
I didn’t think I would meet anybody in the world I have this much in common with.
Oh, you’re like me, I hate that too!
Mirroring is how you can suck people in to feel as though they’re just like you. This false sense of connection only acts to lure in a victim. And then what? Well – they think they’ve struck gold. They see the narcissist as somebody totally out of this world. Nobody can compare.
If somebody is mimicking your thoughts or feelings this way – there is an ulterior motive at play – and it’s never going to benefit you.
Just because the narcissist tries to show you how alike you are, it doesn’t mean they get you or that you get them.
