If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, or even living with a family member who is toxic, decking your hall with boughs of anything will feel like an uphill climb.
I don’t know why you bother.
It’s just Christmas.
You act like a child every December.
The monster begins to awaken as soon as the first door on that advent calendar peels open. But why? What is it about Christmas that turns narcissists into even bigger monsters?
You’ve come to the right place to find out.
#1 What is Christmas?
I can ask you, and then I can ask the narcissist, and I know I will get two different answers.
You:
Christmas is wonderful. I love the magic, the lights, the gifts, the cheese, and being with family. I just wish (the narcissist) would like it, too.
The narcissist:
I don’t know what all the fuss is about. It;s just a day, and you go so over the top.
When these two people collide, there will always be one dragging the other down, and the other wishing they had the company of somebody who felt the delight of Christmas.
In truth, Christmas is a time for people to come together and celebrate another year’s end. It’s where we find relief and release, and can finally start to unwind.
It isn’t a time for anybody to be monsters.
#2 Bigger than Jesus!
Who, or what, is bigger than Jesus?
I’ll give you three guesses, not that you will need any of them…
That’s right!
The narcissist!
Of course, to you or I, they aren’t bigger than anybody else, but to them, they think they are, and will act that way each and every day.
As Christmas comes along, it makes everything that little bit bigger, so it’s no wonder the narcissist’s ego grows and grows .
And why they hate you making a big deal of gifts and wine when you should be paying them attention.
They wish they were bigger than Jesus.
#3 A time for gathering together
As intense as Christmas can be with family, there is a great deal to be said about sharing it with loved ones.
The aunt you never see because she’s always travelling for work, or the grandparents who you only really speak to on the phone and see twice a year.
And what about all the kids and how much they’ve grown since this time last year?
Christmas is that special time to reflect, and have that catch up that’s been brewing all year.
When a narcissist gathers, put it this way, the only thing brewing is trouble.
The worst version of themselves gets hurtled into the room, and everybody else gets a version of the festive monster as it suits the narcissist to express it.
It will be far more subtle. A look, a comment that nobody else hears. And don’t even get me started on how these people act on the drive to the family event, or even the days leading to it.
They will curse every single person in the family. All of them will be some kind of problem, and negativity will ooze out of them.
It’s hard to sidestep so much toxicity, and in the end, it will feel like it too, is weighing you down.
#4 Needy little attention seekers
I hate to compare narcissists to kids, but as kids are more likely to be emotionally dysregulated due to still learning, it seems apt.
Now, most kids grow to regulate, and that’s great. Those who don’t, may fall into the narcissistic personality category.
Which makes them…
…needy little attention seekers.
Being this way will only exasperate their tendency to become real monsters around Christmas.
Look at me.
Pay me attention.
Laugh at my jokes.
Tell me how gorgeous my car is.
Ask me about my pay rise.
When you don’t because you are in a room full of people you want to catch up with, the narcissist will sulking into their eggnog and stick out their bottom lip.
Careful you don’t trip over it.
#5 They want to cripple your joy
If I could turn it all into a nutshell, it’d be that they just want to cripple whatever seasonal joy that is oozing from you.
To watch your smile fade, to see you beg quiet and sink into the corner of the room where they feel you belong. That’s where they want to find you.
Oh dear, what’s wrong?
Why are you here?
Don’t you like the party?
Don’t you feel good?
As if they don’t freaking know already.
#6 Controlling the seasonal narrative
Narcissists love to control the narrative all year long, so at Christmas, it’s an even better time to pull at the strings of the story they want to express out into the world.
The Christmas narrative is usually about playing board games, not toxic games. It’s about sharing news, not comparing stories.
It’s about being happy to see the people you love, not being happy at a chance to f**k with them over Christmas.
Christmas turns narcissists into even bigger monsters because they want the latter in all of the above, and to do so without any shred of conscience that they really should hold.
#7 Isolating you from your family… and yourself
The idea that narcissists are powerful enough to isolate you from the people you’d normally see at Christmas should be laughable, but they are so clever at making it a reality.
I can’t take you to the party because I have plans.
You really shouldn’t be giving them the attention they’re getting. They don’t seem to care about you.
Anything said to get into your mind and make you believe that you are better off alone is another successful way for the narcissist to isolate you.
What monstrous behavior it is.
#8 They can’t stand the lack of attention
If a narcissist is receiving any kind of lack of attention, they will become impossible to be around.
The punishment will be off the charts. The revenge will be just as bad. The feeling that you are constantly doing something wrong will flow through Christmas Day like a thick river of dirt.
Any day that detracts from them as being the center of attention will instantly be a nightmare for them, and that’s exactly what you will find yourself on the receiving end of.
Can I be unprofessional just for a moment?…
They are great big babies who stomp their feet. Wah, wah, wah!
#9 Drinking and fuelling their abuse
Drinks flow at Christmas, and I know I love a tipple or two. That shouldn’t mean that we drink to excess and use our merriment as an excuse to become monsters to those around us.
Narcissists do exactly that, they really do. In fact, if you happen to see a narcissist keep refueling their glass several times or more,
I would strongly suggest giving them a wide berth because they will end up using their drunkenness to cut your kindness.
Yes, that is very possible. Tongues become so sharp that they will cause irreversible monstrous damage.
