Narcissists are the sugar of the human world – but make no mistake – there’s absolutely nothing sweet about them.

You know they’re bad for you, and you know they will rot you to the core, but you can’t help but chase them.

You want them in your life, or maybe just one in particular.

What exactly is it about narcissists that create this form of addiction within certain people.

What gets certain folk hooked onto them?

The answer may surprise you, especially if you have always thought you were independent. 

The Alluring Pull of Toxicity

I think it’s safe to say that nobody likes the idea of being in an abusive relationship. 

If you asked somebody, “Can I interest you in engaging in a relationship that’s toxic, where you’ll completely lose your identity and self-worth?” – the answer would be a resounding NO.

It can’t be sold or promoted, and even the most vulnerable people who have experienced trauma will refuse. 

That’s not how abusive relationships work though, is it?

They work because there is an initial pull. A lure. A gravitational and enchanting allure of somebody who appears so charming and perfect.

That is where abusive relationships begin. 

But it’s not where they end.  

It isn’t the toxicity that hooks people in, but it’s the way the toxicity is covered in fake promises and over-the-top displays of affection (I’m careful not to say love, because it isn’t love).

Loving Them From The Start – Through it All

It’s evident that all narcissist relationships start with one act of insincerity followed by the innocent response of happiness and validation. They’re formed by one person pretending, and the other feeling in a space of worthiness.

This person is so wonderful, and they’re giving me attention. 

I am so lucky to have this charming person be so attentive to me. 

You find yourself loving a narcissist so quickly because they are so good at hooking you in with their love-bombing.

Love-bombing?

It’s not every day the words love and bombing can be put together and make such sense. Bombs go off so suddenly, and cause so much chaos and destruction, yet when assisted with love, it changes what happens next.

Instead of surveying a mess, you’re left viewing nothing but love everywhere.

How can you ignore it?

You can’t.

And that’s the point.

You won’t have a choice but to be all in, because the narcissist will make it hard for you to avoid them.

Love-bombing will make you feel as though the narcissist truly loves you, when in reality all they want to do is give you your first addiction fix.

Look at what I can provide for you. 

Look at the attention you get from me.

Look how special I make you feel.

Tell me you can’t compare it to anybody else you’ve ever met?

Of course you can’t. And that’s why it works. That’s what sets up the addiction. 

Never mind what comes next. 

Looking at You – The Good Person

Narcissists steer well clear of certain people. 

I don’t want to get into ‘weak’ or ‘strong’ – because some of the most incredibly strong people in the world tolerate narcissists for years and years.

You have to be strong to survive that kind of abuse. 

The people narcissists tend to avoid are those who see through them. 

Those who understand the lies.

The people who laugh at the narcissist’s attempts to be the center of attention.

Those who firmly step into another room the moment a narcissist enters one.

Those with strong, immovable boundaries.

You can ask these people to believe anything, and all you’ll get is their promise to believe what they want – not what they’re told to. 

These are good people who have learned the hard way at some point in their lives.

The other good people are those looking to be loved and valued by somebody. Narcissists feel they can be that somebody, and take on that role immediately. 

Empaths and Abusers

Now, empaths and abusers work well together, because they both possess traits that the other needs.

The narcissist is loving, charming and attentive. The empath has likely felt lacking of those things in their life. They love feeling loved and wanted. 

The empath offers to put the narcissist first.. They want to help the narcissist, and provide as much love as they can for them. The narcissist in return, laps in all up and demands more and more – nothing is ever enough.

Do you see how dangerous this combination of characters can be?

The idea that both exclusively rely on each other is short lived. As soon as the narcissist’s real character is exposed, anybody on the receiving end of that is going to very quickly see their identity eroded.

Yet the intermittent love the narcissist offers is what keeps all the broken pieces of the relationship together. 

Addiction and Narcissists: How and Why?

• Narcissists are addicted to drama. They don’t like to spend a single moment in the peace and quiet of their own minds, because they hate it there. They hate themselves.

• You are the drama. You are the shouting, the conflict, the tears. 

• You are also the cure. The miracle. The soulmate. 

• The confusing blend of all these moments leads to living in what can only be described as an addictive whirlwind. 

Understanding the Highs and Lows of Addiction

It’s entirely possible to compare being addicted to a narcissist with other addictions out there.

No, you aren’t smoking 40 a day.

No, you don’t ‘not know’ when to stop drinking.

No, drugs aren’t a problem, nor is sugar.

But, breaking away from that completely encapsulating narcissistic cycle of abuse is so difficult. 

There are some very high highs in any abusive relationship. There has to be. There has to be moments so far above ‘good,’ because otherwise what do people stay for?

The highs of any addiction are so few and far between, but the gravity of their power becomes what captures them and keeps them staying for more.

They wait for the next hit.

And the next. 

Understanding That You Have a Choice

It might not seem like it when you’re deep in the throes of narcissistic abuse, but if you keep returning to them, something has to change.

I have known people who have successfully broken away from a narcissist – and I mean quite a few people. I also know those still struggling who aren’t as far in their journey of healing and learning their self-worth. 

It’s a hard thing to do, but it only takes one time for it to truly be final.

No more back and forth.

No more this or that. 

Just you leaving, and understanding that you can break that pattern of addiction.