Brrr. Who left the heating off?

Why did you let the fire die out?

Can somebody pass me my sweater?

It’s cold, right? Life with a narcissist is cold, and at times just when you think you might thaw out, here comes the negative temperature front all over again.

It’s no joke, and it’s a lonely place to be if you are of a warm, kind and loving nature.

The question I get asked a lot is why. Why are they cold? What exactly is this?

Because I get asked so frequently, I wanted to put it out there for you all.

There… But Not

The lights are on, but nobody is home, right?

That’s generally what you might hear when somebody is referring to another person not being very bright, but it can also relate to narcissists.

The light in the house is on. It looks warm, but it isn’t. It’s cold, and no matter what you try to do, nothing seems to warm the house up the way it needs to be.

You know, when I really get down the rabbit hole of narcissism, I can lose hours still scratching my head and wondering how narcissists – human beings – can be so cold.

The thought of purposely hurting. Friends. Family. Husbands. Wives. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Anybody.

It’s completely dysfunctional.

And Over Time?

When you’re faced with a narcissist, what makes the entire scenario even more problematic?

Time!

Nobody can tell me that a long marriage to a narcissistic spouse is going to be good for their health – emotional, mental, or even physical. It’s just not possible.

Think about the cold for a minute.

Studies strongly suggest that a two-minute ice-cold dip is a real health boost. In. Out. Wonderful.

Would you stay in the ice cold bath for an hour? All morning? All day?

No, you wouldn’t – and nobody recommends this!

The cold worsens the longer you spend time in it, and I am accurate in using that for human representation, too!

Soon enough, their cold emotions will be part of your everyday life.

They will be why you give up easily if you even try. They will be the reason why you doubt yourself and your abilities.

The narcissist’s cold emotions will be what ends up making you sick.

More Effort To Impress Strangers… Why?!

Have you ever noticed how the narcissist in your life is far more keen on pleasing strangers than they are you?

I don’t need to know what you are to the narcissist, but I know you aren’t a stranger.

Yet there the narcissist is, vying for the attention and validation of somebody they’ve never met over you.

In fact, you may as well not be there while they extract it—you’re that irrelevant.

Narcissists love to make first impressions. They want to win people over, and if a stranger in passing will only see them for thirty seconds, they want to make those thirty seconds mean something.

Why?

So they assume the stranger to think:

What a nice person they are!

What a great dad!

What a super mom!

What a hilarious character!

They were very warm and friendly!

I wish I knew them!

It’s so the stranger can go home and remember what a great encounter it was – and how the narcissist made it so.

They don’t need to impress the person they’re abusing…

…They’ve been there and done that already.

They Don’t Know What Love is

That doesn’t mean they’ve ever wanted to know.

In fact, I’d bet money that as a child, all narcissists were desperate for love and attention and never got it. If they did, it was based on worldly scenarios.

Wanting love and never having a healthy dose of it leaves anybody not really knowing what it is.

Even the most empathic people craved it as a child and likely had to fight hard to get even a fragment of it in return. It’s no surprise they see the breadcrumbing antics of a narcissist as tempting.

But narcissists?

Narcissists don’t know love, and they’re terrified of finding out. As a result, they do all in their power to repel it after a certain point, when it starts to get too deep.

Vulnerability? Forget That

You guessed it!

Vulnerability is where you will never find the narcissist making themselves at home.

I’ll give you a little insight into real vulnerability with a story.

Jennifer was a narcissist, not that she’d tell you. She loved not being alone, but she hated being vulnerable with whoever she was with.

One time, Jennifer really fell for somebody called Steve, as much as her narcissism would allow.

She actually let him in, and found herself really caring about this person who made her feel special. Although she hated to admit it openly, she enjoyed his company.

One day Steve decided he wanted to leave and travel. Jennifer couldn’t go as she owned her own business and couldn’t leave it behind.

Steve left anyway.

The pain Jennifer felt at being left by somebody she loved took her straight back to the same emotional pain she felt as a child.

Her parents were never home, and she hated getting sad about it more than being left alone itself.

From then on, she promised herself she would never love, or allow herself to be vulnerable enough to feel that pain again.

You know, what Jennifer’s story should tell you is that narcissists are cold people because they do not want to be reminded of how they felt as a child.

It was too painful.

Feeling Like You’re In This Alone

Every victim feels alone in their relationship because their needs aren’t being met.

The need to:

Be loved
Be appreciated
Be valued
Be worth keeping promises to
Be honest with
Be loyal to
Be happy with

A narcissist’s coldness will ruin all of those desires – and no matter how hard you try – you will never get them.

20 Things That Drive Narcissists Absolutely Nuts

We might all think Narcissists are the strong ones, the ones in control. But in reality, the Narcissist is busy maintaining his fake superior image.

They are fragile creatures inside, and they are afraid everyone will start to notice that.

The idea that they are exposed, being called out, or worse….being ignored drives them NUTS.

Here are 20 things that drive Narcissists Nuts.

#1 Being Called Out:

Narcissists hate when their manipulative tactics or lies are challenged or exposed, as it clashes with the facade they present.

When you call out a narcissist on their manipulative tactics or lies, it strikes a nerve; they loathe having their carefully crafted facade disturbed.

This challenge to their perceived perfection and control can provoke anger or even rage. They’ll often react defensively, redirect blame, or play the victim.

It’s a desperate attempt to maintain their self-created illusion.

#2 Dealing with the Truth

They do not like dealing with the truth, especially when it challenges their false self-image or deceptive narratives.

Narcissists find it incredibly difficult to confront the truth, particularly if it shatters their falsely constructed self-image or undermines their deceitful narratives.

They can’t stand it when reality doesn’t align with their skewed perceptions.

#3 Fighting Back

It can be deeply unsettling when someone reacts firmly against their attempts to control, belittle, or undermine.

Just as they struggle with accepting the truth, narcissists also have a tough time when their attempts to control, belittle, or undermine are met with firm resistance.

It’s deeply unsettling for them when you stand your ground, refusing to be manipulated or put down. They’re used to being in control, and your defiance shakes their world, leaving them frustrated and, often, furious.

#4 Standing Up for Yourself

They are annoyed when others stand up for themselves, as it goes against their desire for dominance.

Pushing back against a narcissist’s dominance can throw them off balance, and they resent anyone brave enough to stand their ground.

Narcissists crave control, and when you assert yourself, you’re denying them that. They can’t stand it when their power is threatened like this.

#5 Ignoring and Blocking Them

Narcissists like to be the center of attention. Being ignored or blocked shakes their esteemed self-image.

While standing your ground can rattle them, denying them the spotlight by ignoring or blocking their efforts is another effective way to shake a narcissist’s self-image.

They crave attention, and they’re left unsettled when you don’t give it.

#6 Silence

Silent treatment can be very aggravating for a narcissist who thrives on the attention.

In the grand theater of human interaction, your silence can be the most disturbing noise for a narcissist. They thrive on attention, and your refusal to engage strips them of that spotlight. It’s their kryptonite, rendering them powerless.

Your silence doesn’t just annoy them, it shakes their self-esteem. So, when dealing with a narcissist, sometimes, silence is golden.

#7 Using Grey Rock Method

A technique involving minimal response to their behavior. They despise being completely deprived of emotional responses to feed on.

Just as your silence can be disarming, employing the Grey Rock Method—giving minimal response to a narcissist’s behavior—can be equally, if not more, infuriating for them.

They thrive on emotional reactions, and you’re robbing them of their power by denying them that.

You’re not feeding their need for drama.

You’re simply a grey rock: uninteresting, unresponsive, and utterly frustrating for them.

#8 Exposure of Who They Are

The fear of revealing their genuine, often insecure self beneath the superficial perfection can cause distress.

Narcissists dread exposing their true selves, hidden beneath layers of crafted perfection and grandiosity. They fear the unveiling of their genuine, often insecure self. This fear isn’t groundless.

It’s possible to be seen without the mask, the facade they’ve meticulously built. The thought of their imperfections being laid bare can distress them immensely. It’s a reality they can’t stand to face.

#9 Being Laughed At

It can trigger a sense of shame or humiliation, challenging their grandiose self-image.

Imagine the scene: you’re laughing at a narcissist, perhaps pointing out a small mistake they’ve made.

This can ignite a deep sense of shame or humiliation in them, directly challenging their inflated self-image. They’re not used to being the butt of a joke.

It’s a hard pill to swallow. It’s a direct hit to their ego and can make them livid.

#10 Knowledge Gap

It can be very irksome for them if they are out of the loop or others know something they don’t.

When you’re privy to information that a narcissist isn’t, it’s like a thorn in their side. They can’t stand being out of the loop. Knowledge gaps drive them crazy.

It’s not just about feeling left out, it’s about their need to be superior. If you know something they don’t, it challenges their self-perceived dominance, and that’s a bitter pill for them to swallow.

#11 Reputational Damage

Narcissists value their reputation and public image highly and any harm to it can drive them into a rage.

If there’s even a hint of damage to their meticulously crafted public image, it can send a narcissist spiraling into a fit of rage. They’ve spent years building and polishing their reputation, so any slight, real or perceived, feels like a personal affront.

They can’t tolerate being seen as anything less than perfect, so they’ll do anything to prevent their image from tarnishing.

#12 Losing Control

Any loss of control, especially over others’ lives, is deeply frustrating and threatening to them.

Just as a narcissist can’t stand the thought of a tarnished reputation, losing control, particularly over others’ lives, deeply unnerves them. You’ll find them scrambling to regain their power, their self-worth attached to the puppeteer’s strings.

They feel threatened and cornered. Any hint of independence from you is met with manipulation, tantrums, or cold dismissal. It’s their desperate bid to remain at the helm, in control.

#13 Denial

Saying “No” to a narcissist can spark extreme anger as they’re not used to being denied what they want.

Denying a narcissist something they want isn’t just a simple ‘no’ for them; it’s an insult to their entitlement, which often triggers an extreme reaction. This ‘no’ sparks an anger they can’t easily quell, because they’re unaccustomed to denial.

#14 Refusing to Play Along

Not feeding into their manipulation games can provoke their ire.

When you refuse to participate in a narcissist’s web of manipulation, their frustration often manifests as anger and hostility. They’re used to having control and playing mind games.

But standing your ground, not feeding into their tactics, truly irks them. It disrupts their power dynamics, forcing them to face an uncomfortable reality: they can’t always get their way.

#15 Losing

They have a deep need always to win. Losing, whether in work, social scenarios, or relationships, can frustrate them.

Narcissists are exceedingly competitive, and a loss in any area of life, whether professional or personal, can send them into frustration and resentment. They’re driven by a need always to win. When they don’t, it’s not just a setback, but a personal affront.

This extreme reaction to losing can lead to strained relationships and workplace conflicts as they struggle to regain control.

#16 Cutting Off Contact

Going ‘no contact’ deprives them of the control and attention they seek, driving them into a frenzy.

Have you ever considered what happens to a narcissist when you cut off all contact?

It drives them absolutely nuts. Narcissists thrive on control and attention; without it, they’re sent into a tailspin.

Going ‘no contact’ strips them of their power, leaving them scrambling for a way to regain it.

It’s a simple yet effective way to kick them off their self-built pedestal.

#17 Independent Thoughts and Opinions

Narcissists strongly dislike when others show autonomy, contradicting their views or decisions.

Exerting your independence and voicing your thoughts and opinions can truly rattle a narcissist’s cage. They can’t stand it when you show autonomy, contradicting their views or decisions. It’s like a direct blow to their inflated ego, leaving them feeling threatened.

#18 Seeing Others’ Success

Other people’s success, especially when surpassing their own, provokes envy and resentment.

When you shine brighter than them, particularly in areas they value, narcissists can’t help but feel a twinge of envy and resentment. Your success, especially if it surpasses their own, drives them up the wall.

It’s a blow to their inflated self-image, triggering feelings of inadequacy. They’re left grappling with bitterness, struggling to accept that someone else is outshining them.

#19 Displaying Empathy

They can’t understand or appreciate empathetic behavior, often viewing it as a weakness.

Just as your success irks them, showing empathy – a trait they can neither understand nor appreciate – is another thing that drives narcissists up the wall. They view it as a sign of weakness, not strength.

This inability to comprehend empathy often leads to frustration and confusion. So, when you’re kind and understanding, you’re not just being good. You’re also getting under a narcissist’s skin.

#20 Feeling Inferior

Anything that makes them feel less superior or important can spark intense negative reactions.

Narcissists often struggle intensely with feelings of inferiority, and anything that suggests they’re less superior or important can trigger extreme negative reactions. They’ll interpret this as a clear sign of disrespect if you slight or overlook them.

They can’t stand being outshone or feeling second best. Always needing to be the center of attention, they’ll overreact if they sense they’re not.

Why Are Narcissists Emotionally Cold?