Growing up, you wanted to be heard, valued, loved, and safe. In fact, this is all any kid wants and what every kid should have the automatic right to.

Unfortunately, we don’t always get that lucky.

Narcissists breed, folks. It’s on us to understand that the children of narcissists aren’t at fault. 

It’s hard though, to not look at yourself if you’re the one being treated by that parent unfairly.

Narcissists are mean, no matter who that is aimed at.

Narcissistic parents are some of the worst.

Here’s why.

Growing Up: The Narcissistic Family Dynamic

Living in a household where you have a narcissist as a parent can be extremely detrimental to your health.

At the time, you think nothing of your childhood. What goes on behind closed doors quickly becomes normal, even if it is riddled with dysfunction. 

The more you grow, the more you see that something just isn’t right. Your parent may neglect your needs, or refuse to tune into your emotions when you need them.

They tell you that you must always perform perfectly in school. Outside school, you must keep up with any clubs or groups they think are good for you. 

As you get older, this turns into, “You can’t talk badly about this family to anybody. We have an image to uphold. We must stick together and form a strong front.”

At the time, you have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect your family, so you agree. 

Soon enough, it becomes clear that your narcissistic parent was essentially saying, “Don’t talk about me to anybody, because people can’t know the true me behind the mask I wear in public.”

Affecting You

Can something so incessant and damaging not affect you?

The reason so many adults are realizing they experienced such trauma with a narcissistic parent is because it can take that long to understand the scale of it all. 

This is every day.

Growing up, becoming the adult you are, even to this day.

It’s constant. And little by little, you piece together the world’s worst yet most enlightening puzzle. 

Importantly…

As I frequently offer you in my posts – the fault is not yours to hold.

You’ve probably carried it for a number of years, thinking you did something wrong when you were a kid. You might reflect and think, “If only I had just listened more, or did as I was told…”

No.

It doesn’t work that way. 

Narcissists are narcissists – and you are not. 

And it truly is that simple. 

The Mean Narcissistic Parent Requirements

Must have:

• A severe lack of interest in what their child likes, unless it’s something they like themselves.

• A tendency to be jealous whenever their child succeeds. While at the time, they display a polite clap of well done, they know this must not remain permanent. No attention must be anywhere other than on the parent. 

• Conditional love. “I love you as long as you do this, like this, or act this way.” This goes into how the narcissistic parent can also say things like, “I go out all day to work, and I give you money for that new shirt, and this is how you repay me?” You can have the things, but you must appreciate the giver of things at all times. Even then, you’d still somehow make mistakes.  

• The ability to criticize or ridicule. Especially in front of the child’s friends. The more you tease, the better.

• No time to spend with your child whatsoever. 

Narcissistic Parents: Why Are They So Mean?

#1 They Were Treated Exactly The Same As a Kid

Now – it’s fair to say that not everybody who a narcissist raised will turn out to be one – but the likelihood is going to be more if they were raised to never be good enough.

Some people quash the insecurities dumped on them by a narcissistic parent, and try to make up for it in other ways. They could say, “Hey, I was treated this way and it wasn’t right. It left me insecure and I need to work on that.”

But they don’t.

They instead have the thought of, “Stands must be high, and I know I can get what I want if I play around with people and take advantage of their good nature. Life is boring without a little gossip, chaos and control.”

As we now have come to realize, generational patterns leak into the next, and the next, and so on. 

It’s hard to see, but it only takes one person to break it.

Those are some of the strongest people living.

#2 Because You’re The Scapegoat

In each family dynamic, there is always a golden child, and always a scapegoat.

If you’re experiencing a narcissistic parent being mean to you, it’s much more likely that you’re the scapegoat. That’s not to say golden child’s get away with everything all of the time. 

Scapegoats are usually the children most sensitive. They are the ones who sense every mood and every movement in the house. They live to please, but nothing they ever do seems good enough for the narcissist parent. 

They’re the ones who always seem to get the blame if anything goes wrong, and the narcissist won’t hesitate in laying fault at their feet after mistakes are made. 

In short – the scapegoat is the easy target. 

This makes the narcissist always able to find somebody to be mean to. The scapegoat is always there to shout at or put down, and they are a crucial aspect of the narcissist’s planned dynamic. 

#3 Because They’re Completely Ignorant To The Damage

Sad to say, but so true. And believe me, I can’t imagine what it’s like being put in this place of total and utter despair as a child.

But narcissists will insist on this kind of behavior simply because they can. There’s no awareness for the narcissist to be able to understand the gravity of their attitude.

Children can grow to be adults who tell their narcissistic parents how they felt growing up, even now, and the narcissist will refuse to listen. 

Yes – it is incredibly invalidating to all you experienced and went through. No – it doesn’t help you move on or get any closure from it.

Yes – you feel frustrated and sad – constantly grieving somebody who is still living and breathing. No – you can do nothing to change who your parents are. 

Coming to terms with having a narcissistic parent starts with the initial thought that they were a narcissist long before you were born.

They didn’t magically become one the day of your birth.

The fault is with them; they, like you, are responsible for themselves. 

So now, you get to live the life you always wanted, with the freedom of having a little more information about narcissistic parents and just how mean they can be. 

What Eventually Happens To Narcissists?

How Does it End For Narcissists?

Narcissists are like a really painful, long book that you have to read to understand. They don’t come with an index or bullet points. If they did, half their toxicity would fall through the cracks.

Sadly, people like you or I must experience them fully before we know each trick.

If I can offer you one fragment of light at the end of this treacherous tunnel – it’s this:

What happens to narcissists is an ending that you’re going to want to hang on for.

Let’s get into it.

“Look At Them!”

It’s enough to make you sick, isn’t it?

They live their merry little lives, seemingly getting away with anything and everything, making you want to scream from the rooftops.

Yes – it’s unfair. 

You wish they would just crumble and fall down, so you could finally see them suffer as much as they made you suffer. 

You want what happens to them to be detrimental to everything they pretend to be. 

Does The Tide Ever Turn?

What do you think? I mean, I want to be able to tell you that they do indeed turn honestly.

I also know and appreciate how it really doesn’t feel that way at the time. Constantly waiting for them to taste their own medicine can feel like waiting for rain in a drought.

But I am here to say that, yes, eventually, that rain will come.

And it will feel amazing.

The Beauty of Karma

I don’t like to meddle with Karma. Instead, I trust that everything will work exactly how it should.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. The circle of life appreciates both good and bad happenings, and I am certain that includes narcissists and how they treat others. 

Karma doesn’t need you stepping in and taking over, so if you ever try to gain justice from a situation involving a narcissist, you’re likely to lose. 

Rather than that – it’s nothing but a waiting game. 

But a game you’ll definitely not want to quit.

How Does It End For Them?

No narcissist has a really happy ending. 

Ultimately, they go home alone every day, even if they go home to somebody. 

Narcissists always want to be part of something, yet never feel part of anything. It’s all empty. It’s all meaningless. They don’t have layers to them or an ounce of appreciation for their family or friends. 

That alone should tell you how it ends for every narcissist. 

They’re nothing but lonely people craving some kind of something. 

That is something they never end up getting.

#1 The Slipping of the Mask

You may have to wait a while, but the mask of a narcissist will always, I repeat, always slip off.

I know you think it can’t happen soon enough, and many of you will be screaming for it to be today—but it doesn’t work that way.

In fact, the more you try to rush the mask’s slipping, the crazier you will look.

If you want to allow their true selves to unfold naturally, you’ll have to wait for the day.

#2 Inability to Keep Up With Their Lies

We all know that lying can lead to serious trouble. Not only do you have to remember this, but you may also have to build potential lies around it so they make sense. 

Narcissists are great at lying, but they can do it so frequently that they fail to recall them all.

When you see a narcissist caught in a lie trap, they will fluff and fumble their way out as best they can with the charm they were born with. 

I want to remind you, though – the lies do catch up with them eventually.

Lies catch up with everybody. 

#3 One Small Mistake

This is all it takes, believe me. One tiny little slip up to get people talking is all it takes. 

I once knew a narcissist professionally who never took any accountability for his mistakes.

He used to cover up all his mistakes, blaming others or deleting evidence that he was responsible. 

One day, he was caught in the act. He had no defense, and even though he got really angry and tried to blame somebody else, it was clear he was to blame. 

His mistake was leaving his work pass in the room where he shredded all the information he wanted to discard. 

It’s all it took for the dominos to all fall down, and for the past to come together like a jigsaw puzzle. People saw what he was like, and nobody trusted him again. 

#4 Time Will Tell

You’re all familiar with the saying, ‘Time will heal.’ It helps if you are going through hard times or have lost somebody close to you. 

Time also heals your own heart as it allows narcissists to be revealed for who they really are.

As much as it will cause chaos, it will be healing to be validated by the entire event. 

It’s how so many victims breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Thank goodness everybody can now see them for who they truly are.”

Time will give you that. You just have to wait for it. 

#5 They Won’t Hesitate To Move!

Narcissists are renowned for moving. 

To start again, if things get too heated where they live,

Looking for work in a new city or town for a ‘fresh start.’

Usually, when they run everybody else down or play them all in their games, they run out of people.

They run out of supply.

So what do they do?

They run away.

It won’t end there, though. Moving anywhere new only restarts the whole process.

Narcissists, for that reason, never really admit to having somewhere to call home.

#6 New Friends

Of course, moving anywhere means starting up a new friendship circle. People will mingle and meet with everybody, as all new people are considered to be fresh pawns in their game. 

Friends end up being enemies before long…

In The End

You can wait and wait, but eventually, the narcissist will get their comeuppance.

In one way or another, whether being found out, having their mask slip, or having to keep bouncing from town to city to stay relevant or liked.

Please allow that to be the justice you need, because it is.

Narcissists will always be miserable. They hate being stuck or figured out, so they must constantly work out their plan to keep their true selves a secret.

Isn’t that the end you want to hear about?

I know it is for me.