Why Am I Attracted To Older Men? 10 Reasons Why

Last Updated on May 4, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

Why am I attracted to older men? is a question a lot of younger girls ask when they find their gaze lingering on the silver fox-haired guy.

It’s a legitimate question because society indirectly tells us we should date people our own age.

But there are several reasons you might be attracted to older men, such as you’ve got daddy issues, you want financial security, and older men are more likely to work on the relationship.

Unfortunately, there is a stigma attached to younger women dating older men, which is why people stare at you when you’re with your significant other, or the shop assistant says something like, “Well, I’m sure your dad won’t mind.”

But the reality is, you can’t allow societal pressures to dictate how you live your life, or you’ll never be happy. So ignore the haters and date whoever you want.

In the meantime, here are ten reasons why you’re attracted to older men. 

Is It Normal To Be Attracted To Older Guys?

Even though younger women receive judgment, hate, and ridicule for dating older men, it’s normal, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Many years ago, it was how things were during the Victorian era. Men married younger women.

Is It Normal To Be Attracted To Older Guys (1)

Research suggests that women of child-bearing age seek out men between eight to ten years older than them because they believe they are more willing to settle down and they’ll be able to provide for a family.

The only reason women get paranoid about it is society’s flawed perceptions about women who date older men. Even if you’re in a mutually respectful and loving relationship, some women are labeled as golddiggers who are only with the guy for his money.

Reading Suggestion: 20 Signs an Older Man is Falling in Love With You

Older men are labeled as perverts, but there appears to be a double standard when it’s a celebrity couple. No one bats an eyelid at the George and Amal Clooney’s of this world with their seventeen-year age gap.

They’re congratulated for it, but the average joes get all the stick! Anyway, don’t worry about your preference for older men, stop focusing on what other people have to say, and date whoever you’re attracted to because life is too short! 

10 Reasons Why You Are Attracted To Older Guys

Older men can be extremely attractive, but other than looks, there are several reasons why you might be attracted to them.

Such as you’ve got daddy issues, you want financial security, and they are more likely to work on the relationship. Keep reading to gain more insight into why you’re attracted to older guys. 

#1 You’ve Got Daddy Issues

Psychologists suggest that women who like older men have attachment issues with men they see as a father figure. Your father was absent as a child, or he failed to provide you with the love and attention you needed.

You may have had an exceptionally close relationship with your father, and you are looking for the same in a partner. Late psychologist Sigmund Freud was the first to highlight the ‘daddy issues’ phenomenon when he spoke about the idea of the ‘father complex.’

You've Got Daddy Issues

He broke it down into two categories, the ‘Oedipus complex, and the ‘Electra complex.’ The Oedipus complex is when a young boy competes with his father for his mother’s attention.

The Electra complex is when young girls compete with their mother for their father’s attention. According to both theories, both complexes start at age three and should end by age five.

Reading Suggestion: Why Do Guys Flirt When They Are Not Interested?

If these complexes go unnoticed and there is no psychological intervention, it can cause problems in adult relationships. One of those consequences is that women are attracted to older men in an attempt to replicate their father-daughter relationship. 

#2 You Want Financial Security 

If you are looking for financial security in a relationship, you are more likely to find it in older men.

Maybe you’ve been in too many relationships with guys your age who couldn’t afford to take you to McDonald’s, let alone look after a family.

You Want Financial Security

In general, women seek out financially secure men not so they can buy the latest Gucci sandals but because it ensures they can take care of a family if they end up settling down.

Additionally, because men understand their role in society and know they are expected to provide, younger men have no intentions of settling down until they are financially stable.

#3 They Are More Likely To Work On The Relationship

Older men understand that love is not a feeling. They know that those butterflies you get at the beginning of a relationship don’t last. That chemistry wears off, and most people call it quits when it does.

But because an older man has most likely experienced this and understands that love isn’t about feelings, it’s something that must be cultivated and nurtured, they are willing to do what is necessary to make the relationship work.

Reading Suggestion: How To Play Hard To Get With a Guy You’ve Already Slept With?

Think of love like this; it requires pressure and resistance for something to grow. In a relationship, that often comes in the form of conflict; it is what you manage to overcome that strengthens your relationship and not the intensity of the fireworks in your stomach. 

#4 They Are Experienced

Older men are experienced in every area of life; they have been there, done that, and worn the t-shirt. They’ve traveled and appreciated the vast array of cultures.

They’ve been in enough relationships to know what works and what doesn’t. Older men have had their fair share of hard-knocks and understand that things don’t always work out as planned, and life isn’t always smooth-sailing.

They Are Experienced

They have a level of maturity that simply makes it easier to have a meaningful relationship with them. 

#5 They Don’t Play Games

You won’t need to worry about playing games or an older man playing games with you. When you’re dating that hot young guy who probably has 25 other options apart from you, you know how it goes.

You play the ‘how long do I wait before I text him back game.’ Who’s going to call who first? How many times is too much to text throughout the day.

I’ll ignore him for a couple of days and see if he chases me. Older men don’t have time for that.

Reading Suggestion: How long Does it Take a Guy to Realize He Misses You?

First, they’ve played all the games and know when females are playing games. Second, they understand that time is short; they’ve lived most of their life, and they’re not going to waste the rest of it playing games.

If they like a woman, they will tell her and make her feel comfortable and secure enough so she doesn’t feel the need to play games. 

#6 You Like The Silver Fox Look

Some older men are just hot…point blank, period! Think Denzel Washington, George Clooney, or Brad Pitt.

As they age, they get more and more attractive and have this magnetic quality that just makes them irresistible. The term silver fox originates from a rare breed of fox; they have silver hair, they’re clever, athletic, and eye-catching.

You Like The Silver Fox Look

An accurate description of the George Clooney’s of this world, don’t you think? Additionally, a Match.com survey found that seventy-two percent of women are attracted to grey-haired men.

The reasons they gave were that gray hair is an indication of maturity and strength. 

#7 They Are More Respectful

In most cases, you won’t catch an older man bragging about his sexual escapades with their friends. Younger guys do this because they want to feel like the man in front of their comrades.

As soon as they’ve slept with you, they’re on the group chat the moment they get home bragging about how they made you orgasm ten times, even though he didn’t last two minutes.

Older men get tired of this bravado, so you won’t need to worry about having your intimate moments broadcast all over town. 

#8 They Are Good In Bed

Yep…older men know how to work it between the sheets because they’ve had plenty of experience. They know exactly how to satisfy their women, and it’s something they thoroughly enjoy.

You’ll have no fumbling, awkward moments in bed with an older guy. Now that’s not to say he’s slept with a lot of women; his sexual expertise is simply a matter of years he’s had to perfect his skills.

They Are Good In Bed

During this time, he’s failed more than enough times to know what works and what doesn’t. Also, older men can handle constructive criticism.

They would prefer you told them that you don’t like something in the bedroom. Your honesty won’t bruise his ego like it would with a younger guy because he wants to make sure he gets it right. 

#9 You Are Rebelling Against Your Parents

Do you have strict parents who have forbidden you to date men, let alone older men? Are they the authoritarian type who dictate every aspect of your life?

If so, then one way of secretly rebelling against them is to date who you know your parents will freak out about. And if you got caught, they’d ground you for eternity.

For the rebellious female, dating older men is more about the thrill of secretly getting revenge on your parents for being so strict. 

#10 You Want To Date A Man With Money

If you enjoy the finer things in life, you have less chance of getting spoilt by a guy your age. Older single men want to date pretty young women and one way to woe them is to splash their cash.

It’s not uncommon for them to take their love interest on vacation, to fancy restaurants, and buy her expensive gifts.

Basically, you want a sugar daddy type of relationship where you both have a shared understanding of how things work between you, and you’re both comfortable with it. 

What Does It Mean If You Like Older Men?

It means you like older men. Contrary to popular belief, there is nothing sinister about liking older men.

Most women with an older partner are not counting the days to the funeral to get their hands on his money.

Like any other person in a relationship with someone of a similar age, they are with their significant other because they are attracted to him, he’s got a great personality, and they enjoy being in a relationship with him.

Reading Suggestion: He Doesn’t Want a Relationship But Wants to be Friends

Nevertheless, if you’ve been messed around by younger guys, your attraction to older men may be because experience has taught you that older guys are more mature and more willing to settle down. 

How Do You Attract Older Men?

Attracting older men isn’t rocket science; as with all men, you’re already ten steps ahead of the game if you’re attractive. But we also know that getting his attention is one thing, and keeping his attention is another.

The good news is that you can do things to keep his attention, including making sure you look good, don’t act your age, and don’t play games. 

How Do You Attract Older Men

Research suggests that men are attracted to beauty. Now, this doesn’t mean you need to look like a catwalk model, but you should make an effort to look good.

Accentuate your best features with your clothes and makeup, wear a delicious smelling perfume and make sure you’re hair is on point.

Here are a few tips to make yourself look more attractive:

#1 Wear Red

According to research, red makes you look instantly more attractive because it triggers a man’s primal nature. 

#2 Accentuate Your Hips

As Shakira sang, ‘the hips don’t lie!’ Men love a nice pair of hips on a woman, so wear figure-hugging clothes that accentuate your hips. 

#3 Fix Your Posture

Are you a sloucher? A good posture shows you are comfortable in your skin and confident. Stand up straight by pushing your shoulders back, lifting your chin, and straightening your spine. 

Reading Suggestion: 20 Honest Signs he Doesn’t Love You Enough

#4 Become Intentional About Smiling

Smiling more doesn’t mean you’ve got to walk around with a permanent cheesy grin on your face, but smiling more does make you look more attractive.

According to Dr. Jess Carbino, smiling helps break down people’s defenses. When someone sees you smiling, they smile back; smiling stimulates the release of the feel-good hormones endorphins.

Become Intentional About Smiling (1)

So smile more when you get in the company of older men; they’re more likely to approach you. 

#5 Use Open Body Language

We say more with our body language than we do when we speak.

In most cases, you can control what you say, but because body language is an unconscious response, you’ll often give the game away if you’re not confident about what you’re saying.

Open body language does two things: it makes you appear more confident and more approachable. If you stand with your arms folded in front of you, you create a barrier between yourself and the person who wants to approach you.

Reading Suggestion: 9 Flirty Texts To Get Him Chasing You

Crossed legs while seated can come across as aggressive and defensive; it signals that whoever is speaking to you should hurry up and get it over with because you’re not really interested in what they’ve got to say.

On the other hand, open body language, such as longer eye contact, signifies that a person is curious about and interested in what the person has to say.

Tilting the head to one side displaying the neck shows you are comfortable in your surroundings.

#6 Don’t Act Your Age

I’m not saying you should change who you are because that would make it very difficult to get comfortable in your relationship.

However, since older men are mature, you can’t put him in the same category as your female friends and act like a drunken fool on a night out. When you’re with your older guy, just tone it down and let him lead.

There may be times when it’s appropriate to act wild if he’s giving off those vibes. But in general, they’re a lot more reserved. Additionally, do more listening instead of talking.

Don't Act Your Age

Listening is a skill most people don’t possess. Are you the type to keep interrupting during a conversation and finishing their sentences? If so, cut that out when speaking to an older man because it shows your age. 

#7 Don’t Play Games

Older men don’t have time to play games, and they’ll swiftly move on to the next if they suspect you’re doing so. If he decides he likes you, not only will he tell you, but he’ll show you.

There will be no doubt in your mind that you are his one and only. You will have a different experience dating an older man in comparison to a younger guy.

Reading Suggestion: How to tell a guy You Like Him?

You’ve almost got to play games with younger men because they’re so distracted, and their testosterone levels are so high that their minds are all over the place, including on other women.

So when you start dating a silver fox, don’t mess it up by playing games, or you’ll get dropped quicker than a hot potato! 

#8 Act Confidently

Men, in general, do not like insecure women; it’s a massive turn-off when a female doesn’t value herself and seeks approval from men to feel worthy. There are several reasons why an insecure woman is off-putting:

  1. It puts too much pressure on the man to keep giving her compliments to make you feel secure.
  2. Insecure women are too emotional and make the relationship difficult. They get upset over everything, they hate it if their partner has female friends, and they’ll start a fight in the grocery store if they think their man has been looking at another woman for too long. They start arguments when their boyfriend goes out with his friends…the list is endless.
  3. Men fear that an insecure woman will quickly seek validation in the arms of another man if they feel they’re not getting it from their partner.

So even if you don’t feel confident, fake it until you make it. 

#9 Don’t Act Like a Golddigger

As you’ve read, one of the stigmas attached to women dating older men is they are using them for their money. Unless this is the type of relationship a man is looking for, he is likely to be suspicious of your intentions.

He would prefer to date a woman who’s got her stuff together for his peace of mind and so that prying eyes have no ammunition to make the gold digger accusation.

Don't Act Like a Golddigger

Not acting as a gold digger means don’t ever ask him for money, don’t expect him to buy you gifts. And every so often, offer to pay when you go out.

Additionally, show him that you’re capable of looking after yourself by talking about your job, and if you live alone or with roommates, let him know this. 

#10 Ask Him For Advice

Don’t ask for advice about silly things you know you can take care of yourself just because it’s one way he’ll be more attracted to you.

But ask when you’ve got important life decisions to make. In this way, you show him you respect and value his opinion. 

Additionally, it triggers the hero instinct; according to relationship expert James Bauer men are biologically wired to want to protect and provide for their women; when they can do this, they are more likely to stay in a relationship because it makes them feel needed.

Reading Suggestion: 13 Signs He Told His Friends About You

You see, it’s a bit of a tricky balance with men, you can’t be too independent because it puts them off, but you can’t be too dependent because it puts them off.

But what turns a man on is when an independent woman still needs him to do things for her. 

Final Thoughts

Do any of these points resonate with you? If you feel you’re dating an older man because you’ve got daddy issues, you may need professional help to get over that.

Because regardless of a person’s age, dating when you’ve got unresolved childhood trauma is never a good idea as it can cause complications and may eventually lead to your relationship breaking down.

Other than that, date who you want to date and live your best life! 

Photo of author

Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

Leave a Comment