When You Uncover the Narcissist, RUN

You want to uncover the narcissist with what you’ve learned. You wonder how to do this, and as you figure that out, you pull the knowledge grenade, you throw it ahead, and you run.

Why would you run, though? I mean, there’s no explosion. You’re right. No flames or bangs will occur, but the narcissist will explode.

That’s why it’s best to maintain that run, and get out of there as fast as possible.

You owe it to yourself to take cover, before the rage rains down on you. 

3,2,1…

The Dynamic The Narcissist Likes

Let’s get one thing clear, the narcissist loves control. They crave it, and they hold onto the dominance that comes with that. From the moment they are born, they act like the sun.

Everybody else makes up the planets and stars that revolve around it – around them

The narcissist likes this dynamic, because it means they get to look important (even though deep down, they don’t feel it)

Why don’t they feel it?

Because they hate themselves!

If a narcissist is in control, it means they are also in control of what people say, do and even think. 

They want you to feel so valued that you’d be lost without them. Once you reach a prime valuable level, they will drop you like a hot potato, and treat you as though you don’t exist.

They’ll blame you.

They’ll shame you. 

They’ll make your life hell.

It’s what they do – and they will never change. 

What Can You Do?

What can you do about it though? I mean, for a lot of people, they get to a point where the narcissist is so toxic, they’re dying to tell the world.

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Victims can be known to build their defenses against the narcissist and also build up a case against them.

Their hope is to tell everybody they know the truth – and they await the day they will finally get justice. 

Victims need this, and I completely understand those reasons why they can be so eager to shout injustice from the rooftops. 

Don’t Mess With Their Control

There will be repercussions to any kind of uncovering. Now, uncovering can look like:

  • Telling somebody/multiple people what you go through. Things the narcissist says. How they treat you. How they make you feel.
  • Showing evidence, texts or emails that reveal their true nature. 
  • Even approaching the narcissist about their attitudes and behaviors. 

If you choose numbers 1, 2, or 3, you’ll eventually feel the need to run. 

The reason for you running is going to be because the narcissist is chasing you, with either one of their reactions. 

I hate to even say you’ll need to take cover, but the narcissist may respond with:

  • Rage. How dare you accuse me of such a thing? Don’t you know who I am? Who do you think you are spelling to? It will worsen the more you retaliate. Ultimately, the narcissist is happy because they’ve drawn you into conflict. 
  • The silent treatment. The narcissist will punish you for uncovering them. They are appalled by your behavior (oh, the irony). The silent treatment is designed to bring maximum discomfort to you, and to make you regret your decision.
  • Complete discard. You’re done. You’re yesterday’s news. The narcissist wants nothing more to do with you now, because they have realized they can no longer control you. 
  • Denial. They don’t even know what you’re talking about. 
  • Blaming You. Well of course, it’s your fault! Why wouldn’t it be? It’s hardly going to be their fault, is it?
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Uncovering Them: What it Looks Like

Some people choose to uncover the narcissist in the same way they would rip off a band-aid. One great big swoop and it’s done. A statement. A text or a call to a loved one. This is a challenging question for the narcissists themselves.

Why are you always so rude to me? You do nothing but criticize and put me down just to make yourself feel better, and I see right through you. 

That’s all it takes for the narcissist to know it’s game over for them.

For others, it can be more gradual. You start to pick up on their behaviors. You piece it all together like a puzzle for a number of weeks, months, or even years. The more you piece, the more you withdraw, even changing the dynamics in any relationship. 

Why You Should RUN

#1 Watch Their Control Get Tighter

Once a narcissist knows you’ve seen through them, they won’t hesitate in tightening their grip. They are famous for escalating their manipulation on you. There will be far more gaslighting. 

You will be driven to the point where you feel honestly completely crazy, and even more isolated than ever. 

Accompanying that will be more emotional abuse, as they do everything they can to reassert control over you. 

Red flags… Red flags everywhere.

#2 They’re Not Going to Change

They will tell you that they will change as soon as you unearth their truth.

You have to believe me. I will change.

Things will be different, I swear.

You must understand that I will do anything to make this work.

It’s so desperate. It works too, a lot of the time.

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Victims will hear these words, and go back to their abuser. 

When you hear of people who have been in abusive relationships for years, even decades, this is why.

The hope.

The false promises.

RUN.

#3 Your Mental Health Needs Saving

One of the reasons you should run is to protect yourself. This has nothing to do with the narcissist’s reaction to you uncovering them, but more how you need to drop your proof bomb, and get out of there as quickly as possible. 

Yes, there will be a mess, but if your plan was to always leave, you should let people know what’s really going on, and walk away without a care in the world.

After all, they never cared about you.

#4 Because You Deserve Peace

Peace is something you haven’t lived with for a long time. Narcissists strip it from everybody who they cross paths with. It’s chaotic, and it’s painful.

Now you get some R n’ R – Run and Reclaim time!

It’s your life, and you drive to be happy. You can only truly be happy when you get out of that relationship.

#5 You Won’t Want To Witness The Smear Drama

I mean, I don’t know a soul on earth who will want to stick around for the smear campaign.

Smear campaigns are purposeful, negative attacks on you. They’re created as a form of punishment for how you treated the narcissist, and the “lies you spread.”

We all know they aren’t lies. 

The narcissist will hire those flying monkeys to believe and hang on to every word they say – and they will

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