You’ve broken up! So what are you doing chasing the narcissist? This is supposed to be your time to be free and follow your heart into the unknown.
When you chase a narcissist, you’re not just chasing a person, you’re chasing further pain, more heartache, and a whole heap of anxiety you really don’t need.
So what happens when you stop chasing them?
I don’t know if you’ll be prepared for what happens next…
The break up should spell the end, right?
I wish it did!
You’d think so, and you’d certainly like to hope so.
The end is the only time in your life the universe will hand you the chance to heal, and it’s down to you to honor it.
Everything happens for a reason, and even the worst relationships at some point come to and end.
Your breakup – as is any breakup with a narcissist – is overdue.
The end of a period of time that was terrible, toxic, and traumatic has come.
You want to yell your happiness from the rooftops and run as far away from the narcissist as you can.
You’ve been dragged to the depths of emotional hell by them, with no remorse on their conscience for the appalling way they treated you.
And now you are walking away from it all.
For once, you feel like luck is on your side.
After the discard, there’s no chase from you
Sounds like the perfect end to a rough time, doesn’t it? The narcissist does what they’ve frequently done before, and discarded you.
For them, it’s been a great way to blow hot and cold, and is proof of exactly why these kinds of abusive relationships can become so toxic.
They’ve done their usual tricks; acting like you don’t matter, never existed, and ignoring you to the point where you’re pretty much ghosted.
Do you think this is a sign that somebody cared for you at all? It’s not. It’s their punishment for the breakup.
In times before, you’ve felt confused and hurt. How could all that time together feel like a figment of your imagination now?
This time, you’re done. And it feels great. You get the say, and you get the choice of what your life looks like next.
You now realize you’re broken up, and you have nothing inclination to do anything type of chasing to get those dangerous dynamics back.
Panic hits: the narcissist needs new supply!
Hold the front news! For once, you have stepped back and done the right thing.
You’re tired of chasing. Time is up, and now you are holding back.
The narcissist sees your non-response, and panic starts to set in.
They’re used to you being in their shadow, dancing to the beat of their toxic drum.
It’s evident that you’re not doing that this time, and so alarm bells start to ring.
Panic.
You were once the narcissist’s main supply, and now you’ve disappeared. Now what?
The narcissist fills with fear, but they don’t want to let it show. Instead, they throw all their focus and attention into finding a new source of supply.
It needs to be big and strong, because they have huge shoes to fill.
They look for anybody who fits the bill, and that can be anybody from a new partner, to a new best friend they can take advantage of.
“I’ll give you time and make you miss me”
As if this will make the slightest bit of difference. When a person has had enough, there’s nothing to keep them from going back and making the same mistakes all over again.
Narcissists are so sure of themselves that they truly believe you will run back with your tail between your legs and beg for forgiveness and the chance to try again.
But you know what? Them waiting for you just will not work this time. They can stay up all night waiting for your headlights to shine and drive down the road back into their arms, but this time it won’t be.
So the narcissist flaunts. Their money, their new supply, their good traits that you saw when you first met them; anything in the hope you’ll see the charming persona and fall for it all over again.
They want you to miss them, miss everything you had together.
You’re not going anywhere… Are you?
As the tumbleweed flies past them, they finally start to realize that you might just be gone for good.
The usual patterns aren’t forming now, and they have to face that reality.
Nothing they’ve done has worked.
I think this is the part all victims underestimate because it’s a really dire time for the narcissist.
They literally don’t know how to function without being in control, so to not be able to hook and reel you back in is their worst nightmare.
How many of you know and remember the satisfaction of not returning to a narcissist?
The difficulty of not chasing them followed by the strength that comes from refusing to do so is nothing short of miraculous for the mind and body.
It’s as if you’ve finally learned that you don’t need them any more, but you’ve had to go to hell and back to discover it.
Hoovering is a possibility
I can’t leave this topic without addressing the huge issue and risk of:
Hoovering.
If you are going through a breakup with a narcissist, you have to expect and anticipate some kind of attempt to get you back.
This can look like:
- Constant texts throughout the day and night to let you know they’re thinking of you, missing you, and still love you
- Phone calls with voice messages so you can hear how ‘upset’ they are that you’ve gone
- Flowers turning up at your door or place of work
- Threatening you if you don’t come back
- Threatening to hurt themselves if you don’t come back
- Making promises to you that they will change and treat you better
Not all hoovering resembles what you think of as love, but they can stop at nothing to ensure you fall back into their arms.
This is usually the case if the new supply doesn’t work out, because the supply just isn’t there.
So that leaves you with a huge decision to make.
Will you run right back to them and set up your life to be abused, disappointed, hurt and mocked all over again?
Will you let them get their way with you and prove once and for all that you have no say in how your life pans out?
Or will you admit that you are stronger than you always thought yourself to be, and never look back again?
If I were you, I’d be in the latter group.
Narcissism will never disappear, and those who have narcissistic tendencies in their personality will not change, no matter how much you hope, wish and pray they do.
And the guilt and shame you’re feeling for leaving a relationship that was proven to be abusive should be let go of.
Your future is reliant on it.
