As long as you love me only works when the narcissist is getting what they want from you. You have to comply, or the dynamics malfunction.
The moment – the very second you stop caring about the narcissist, you’d better take cover.
Not only does their response create the world’s worst emotional tornado – that tornado is an F5 – and it’s heading straight for you.
So what emotions get whipped up, and what exactly does each one mean?
Well, Alex, I’m glad you asked…
Narcissists Need You
The strength a narcissist needs to deny they need you is off the charts! They will deny and refuse to acknowledge that your presence is what’s keeping them going but…
…It’s all for the wrong reasons.
Narcissists destroy you in order to gain something for themselves. They take your world and crumble it in their hands without a second thought.
The love you feel from them is fragmented and temporary, but it’s enough to keep you caring.
You remain loyal, loving and hopeful.
And narcissists need that from you. If they don’t get it, the worthlessness that lies dormant in their empty souls will awaken.
So… what is about your caring nature that they can’t live without?
Your Care is Their Supply
Everytime you show you care, you are offering the narcissist supply.
Supply to them is emotional sustenance. It’s what keeps them going, and it’s sole design to maintain some form of self-worth.
Needing supply is the main driving force behind many of their toxic behaviors.
This means you stop caring about yourself every time you put your own life or priorities to the side of the road to make room for theirs.
And the narcissist?
They love it! They love knowing that you would drop anything and everything for them, and that’s the very part of you they abuse!
Can you imagine the horror of it being withdrawn?!
When It Stops?
The day you wake up and promise yourself that you will no longer care about the narcissist is the day your life is going to substantially alter.
This is when things get really serious.
You’re choosing you for once in your life. You’re choosing to put your own needs first and, in turn, making huge improvements to both your emotional and physical health.
What does it mean to apply all this energy and positivity to yourself?
It means it’s unable to be converted to narcissistic supply.
Instead of pleasing the narcissist, you are healing and enriching you.
What Comes Next
I don’t promise initial warmth, kindness, happiness and joy from the narcissist. In fact, I’d bet you won’t get an ounce.
Thinking about it, why would you?!
You’ve done them dirty and stopped caring – so what on earth do you think they will be happy about?
What comes next is going to be all the ways the narcissist wants you to feel. They know that when you stop caring, doing these things will ignite these emotions in you:
- Fear. They want you to fear what they’re capable of. What they know about you. Making you scared to leave them because you’ve been programmed to believe you can’t live without them.
- Intimidation. Your lack of care directly threatens them, and they only know how to retaliate times one thousand! They aren’t going to appreciate you pulling back, and will bully you into being the old you.
- Emptiness. You’re worthless. Your lack of care doesn’t bother them, because you never meant anything to them in the first place. They don’t want to know you, and often you may hear phrases like, “You’re dead to me now.”
1. Rage
Narcissists are like volcanoes – full of rage that lays dormant until they feel like unleashing it onto you.
It can surprise you, and it shocks you. Once you see it, you will always anticipate it.
When you stop caring about them – it is more than possible to witness their rage attacks.
2. Discard
They’re officially done with you. They aren’t interested in trying to woo you or impress you, not after what you’ve spoken up and discovered.
You’re of no use to them now you have seen them for who they really are. They can’t manipulate you.
They can’t control what you do or who you see. You don’t need them. You no longer care, so to them – you’re yesterday’s news.
3. Revenge
It is a possibility that the pot of revenge can be cranked up here. Narcissists don’t like to be given the cold shoulder, and to punish you, they will hatch a plan to get back at you.
Think of revenge along the lines of:
- Spreading lies about you
- Turning people against you
- Throwing your stuff away before you’ve had a chance to claim it all back
- Finding somebody else and professing their true love for them
3. Hoover
It’s never past a narcissist to attempt to hoover you back. If it’s worked in the past, they probably think it might work again.
Think of the usual ways they hoover you. It could be:
- Showing up at your work to profess their love for you
- Stalking you on social media or in person
- Sending constant texts or making calls to you to try to get to talk to you
- Making promises to change and be the person you want them to be
It’s all a ploy to try and get the control back, and change the narrative that they’re the bad guy.
One Life
Not to want to sound like the cheesiest person on the planet but; you really do only get one life.
If being with them was bad enough, withholding your care will ignite a whole new level in their evil streak.
And as always, it’s you who suffers. You will be the one who falls victim to all of what I have spoken, and there’s no escaping it.
When you give everything you have to a person who fails to appreciate, acknowledge, or love you in return, you abandon your entire being.
As time goes by, that abandonment will reach into every part of your life.
You want to fix them. You over-give. You try your hardest to take care of the narcissist.
Not only will you push your well-being to one side, but you will also start to feel as though you don’t deserve to have any kind of well-being.
You simply stop caring.
It might start small.
Skipping lunch.
Staying up late to lose yourself watching TV.
Saying you’re ‘fine’ all the time, even when you’re not.
Ignoring warning signs, like a pain, or feeling unwell.
Then it gets bigger.
Giving up your job or hobbies because they said so.
Stopping seeing friends or family who the narcissist thinks you’re ‘too good for.’
Saying sorry all the time just because their moods dictate your response.
This doesn’t have to be your life.
