When the time comes where you finally stand up to the narcissist, you’re going to be feeling a lot of emotions.
That empowerment doesn’t come easy, and what makes it harder is that this is the very thing the narcissist will take from you.
When you get it back and own it, there’s really no going back.
As for the narcissist – well – there are things they will do in response.
I’ve got them all here for you.
Prepare For a Hard Time
I never promise a bed of roses in this journey of recovery from narcissistic abuse.
I won’t lie – it’s hard to stand up to a narcissist. They’ve gotten so used to you being at their beck and call.
You’ve got so used to playing your own part, and slipping further into the hollowest version of yourself to exist.
The dynamics feel as though they’re never going to change, so what do you do?
My advice is always to do what you feel is true. Once you start figuring out who the narcissist really is underneath all them asking, there’s never any room to go back in time. You can’t undo the awakening once your eyes begin to open.
Don’t Avoid Standing Up – That’s What They Want
Of course that’s what they want!
They don’t want to hear your voice. They love and thrive on your silence.
But by keeping quiet, you’re feeding their motive, and that motive is extremely dangerous.
Punishment
I’ll tell you to prepare for it all, and as I do, I also extend a hand of sympathy.
Punishment looks like:
- Rage. You’re really going to see the narcissist at their most angry.
- Words will cut you like a knife. The narcissist will be as unkind, even evil, as they possibly can to seek their revenge in that moment.
- You will also likely lose people around you as the narcissist uncovers a smear campaign ready to ruin your reputation.
Punishment will immediately place you in the role of the lesser person, or the child in the dynamic, no matter your age.
If you refuse to accept it and keep standing up and speaking out, you will avoid that trap.
Silence
Silence is the most anxiety-inducing way for a narcissist to get to you when you stand up to them.
They will act as though you don’t matter, which really links in with the rest of your time with them, doesn’t it?
Strange Looks? Here’s Why!
I want to get a little more specific now. Only then will you be able to either relate, or look out for what narcissists can really do when you stand up to them.
The Smear Campaign
Smear campaigns are a cold and calculated way for narcissists to isolate you and make everybody think you’re a terrible person.
You know that you aren’t, yet you see people literally dropping like flies away from you because of what they hear from the narcissist.
This person is crazy.
They’re obviously missing me and are saying anything to get my attention.
I always knew there was something not quite right with them.
They always told me the same things about you, too.
It seems they’re trying to cause problems.
I’d urge you to steer clear of them for your own sake.
I see it all the time with victims, and they lose so much sleep over the changes that are happening in their life due to it.
It’s out of their control. The narcissist will fight every bit of sanity out of you, and it all starts when you start standing up to them.
The Lies
Lies are second nature to a narcissist. If anything at all can get them out of a sticky situation, they will use it to do that.
Lies can look like:
Telling other people that you’re the issue.
Trying to deny you of your own reality by gaslighting you.
Lying to your face about things they’ve done or not done.
Standing up to them will see an uglier side of the narcissist than you’ve ever seen before rear its ugly head.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
The Blame Shift
I don’t think I have ever met a narcissist who holds their hands up and says, “You know what? I need to stop blaming people for my own wrongdoing.”
I think life for so many victims would be much easier if they were only able to get this kind of validation, but sadly, we aren’t there. We never will be all the while narcissists continue to be – well – narcissists.
Have you ever been blamed for something that really wasn’t your fault?
Did you stand up to the narcissist one day, and have all the things you think about them thrown right back at you?
Have you plucked the courage to confront them about an issue that’s been bugging you, just to hear them accuse you of doing the same, or hurting their feelings with said accusation?
And then what?
You feel guilty? Ashamed? Embarrassed?
Let’s go a step further here.
Because you feel any of those emotions, you shut up. You don’t do it again. That courageous part of you gets shut down by the narcissist.
You had the sheer audacity to speak up, and they put you right back in the corner where they like to keep you.
Why should you stay there?
You shouldn’t.
The Victim
Please don’t yell at me.
I try my best.
I don’t mean to hurt you, but you seem intent on hurting me right now.
I just don’t know what I keep doing that’s so wrong.
I know what you might be thinking.
Alexander, why are you triggering me with these comments?
I don’t mean to trigger anybody, but these phrases are common, and they can really damage the victim’s mindset as they’re attempting to finally take a stand.
Any, and I repeat, any opportunities the narcissist gets to lay themselves on the tracks of victimhood, they will.
Not only is it an outright lie, it also undermines every valid experience you’ve been through with the narcissist.
How dare they so abruptly take those away from you in this moment?
Keep Doing What You’re Doing
It’s a hard pill to swallow, but standing up to the narcissist does come with consequences.
They never truly work in your favor, but that’s because they’re designed for you to shut up and be quiet, or there will be trouble.
What does that mean for you?
It gives you two choices.
Sure. You shut up, stay silent, and allow the abuse to continue. That’s your first choice, and the one many victims take for ease and familiarity purposes.
The second is harder, but it will give you the freedom you both deserve and is overdue.
You stand up anyway.
The people who are left around you are the right people.
