You just can’t put your finger on what’s wrong. Something seems off, and you cannot come up with a reasonable explanation.

What is it?

The person in your life is doing this. They’re doing that. They’re saying this. They’re making you feel like that.

This and that can mean so many things, and if you are adding all of those together, you’re likely going to come up with the sum of narcissism.

This can be an equation that many find tricky, and you can’t do it with a calculator. 

You can do it with the help of somebody knowledgeable, though.

Let’s add it all together and show you how their ‘this and that’ equate to real narcissism.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

The following characteristics and traits define Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

• Lack of empathy

• Need for excessive admiration

• Arrogance

• Grandiose sense of self-importance

• Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited beauty, ideal love, brilliance and unlimited success and power

• Belief that they are unique and only understood by people of a high status

• Sense of entitlement

• Exploitative behavior

• Envious of others, or the belief that others are jealous of them

• Demonstrates arrogant behavior or attitude

These traits are non-negotiable. They are hugely demoralizing for the people on the receiving end, and result in abusive relationships where you, as the non-narcissist, suffer the most. 

You Won’t Be Presented With The Truth – At First

Narcissists are never going to present truthfully when you first meet them. If they did, you’d run as fast as your legs can carry you!

Instead, you’ll see more of these kinds of behavior patterns: 

• The charm. It’s what they do best, and is sent to make you feel caught up in the whirlwind of romance, destiny and ‘meant to be.’ The charm of the narcissist plays out exactly the same, from victim to victim. 

They know what works and the kinds of people to approach with said charm. 

• Love bombing. I can’t stress how intense this is. The person who wants to get you might send you constant texts, calls, emails, or messages online. They want your attention. 

They want you to think of them constantly, so you quickly become their world’s center. They will do this until you are hooked. Once you’re hooked, it’s game over.

• The ‘lovely, wonderful person’ to your family and friends. As the narcissist charms you, they extend that to everybody you know. They need to be liked by all. 

Eventually, when you realize who they really are, you’re going to want to tell people what you know. If the narcissist fakes it, you will find yourself having a tough job convincing others what you really know. 

Spotting the Red Flags

Red flags are exactly what they say you are:

They spell danger.

Think about those vacations you take on those gorgeous beaches. You see the flags you’re supposed to swim in between, and avoid the red ones because the water is dangerous.

Narcissists don’t enter your life waving red flags. Instead, they cover them with very charming behaviors, as stated above. 

It’s up to you to spot the overly-charming personality, followed swiftly by the attitude that you don’t matter at all. 

Those contrasting behaviors are not normal, and noticing them isn’t easy if you already love and feel attached. 

However, and I cannot stress this enough:

The red flags are there, whether you like it or not. 

When You Know It’s Narcissism

#1 They Treat You Differently To Others

It’s not okay for people to pick and choose how they treat people, according to what they want out of it. Alas, this is what narcissists do. They will be your new best friend if they want something from you. The moment they’re done, you’re yesterday’s news. 

You will notice the hot and cold blowing from them, and with that can come some really extreme attitudes. Depending on the day, they can be sickly sweet or downright cruel.

It’s not right, and it’s not normal. You should be able to tell a narcissist based on the way you observe them treat both you, and everybody else. 

#2 You Feel Confused

Why should anybody you are with make you feel confused?

Confusement comes from gaslighting. It stems from the way one minute you’re being told you’re the best person in the world – to being ignored the next.

Your opinions become mute, and you’re told you’re useless, or drab, or whatever the insult may be. 

Applying confusing behaviors to their victims creates nothing but inconsistent relationships, and those alone mean you are dealing with some kind of narcissist. 

#3 Your Self- Esteem Dips

Self-esteem tumbles when you spend too much time with a narcissist. They purposely drain you of any good feeling you had about yourself, and they do it so you become reliant on them.

Their opinions are the only right ones.

Their ideas are the only good ones.

You become somebody who simply doesn’t matter.

That’s narcissism.

#4 You See Your Friends and Family Less

Narcissists are incredibly sly at cutting you off from people you love. They can do it covertly, such as implying you’re too good for them. You’ll agree, because you’ve been conditioned to believe what they say is true.

Suddenly, and before long, you feel alone and isolated. 

The narcissist has you right where they want you. Unable to ask people you were once close to for advice, you’ll learn quickly to rely on the narcissist solely. 

#5 You’re Criticized Daily

The criticism that spews from the mouth of the narcissist is relentless. It can be so unkind and unjust, too. None of it will mean anything to you, but there you are, listening and eventually believing it. 

Criticism acts like a hammer and a chisel to your personality – eroding it with every comment or utterance. 

Nobody with healthy personality traits would do this. 

#6 They Charm, Then Discard

One minute you’re loved, the next you’re dismissed. You won’t know how the narcissist truly feels about you other than it changes every single day, and you’re left feeling understandably hurt and quashed. 

#7 They Love (and Bring) Drama

Drama is never far away from any narcissist. They love to be able to add a little conflict into the mix, and will purposely set about doing so wherever possible.

Drama is created and then denied by the narcissist. They never have anything to do with what went on, yet set about subtly pulling the strings behind the scenes. 

#8 They Make You Feel Bad

Something feels off when you’re with a narcissist. Before you’ve even realized they’re a narcissist, you are off-balance.

Their moods do nothing to really enrich you; they just make you feel unsettled and unsafe, even though they do all they can to hook you in.

The contrast here is frightening, but that’s how they roll.

Every single time.