What we all need to collectively do, is find a way to invent some kind of alert system for red flags.
What do you think it should sound like whenever a narcissist tries to love-bomb you? I think, “Don’t fall for this! They’re trying to manipulate you! Don’t walk, run!”
I’d love for it to be more direct, but we don’t have time for that kind of talk here.
Instead, I can offer you 10 red flags that show a narcissist is love-bombing you. That way, you can use them as your own internal alarm system.
Sound good? Great, then let’s get started!
#1 “I love you” before you can blink
Tina:
“When I met Brad, it was like there were fireworks going off in the background.
I felt as though I was in a movie, and within a week of knowing him, he told me that he had fallen in love with me. More than that, he told me he’d never been in true love before.
I felt special, like I had something extra to him than I did before in all my relationships that had failed.
It made me want to stick around. I wanted to carry on doing whatever it was that he loved so much, just so I could hear him tell me how he felt about me.
I should have known it was huge red fag, but you on’t at the time, and that’s the problem.”
#2 Marriage talk? Absolutely!
Claudia:
“I’d been with Michael for two months when he proposed to me. I think I also need to point out that I’d literally met him on a blind date at the start of that two months, and I met a very charming man that night.
He listened to every word I say, and made me feel validated immediately. I hadn’t felt that for some time.
After two months of what I can only describe as a whirlwind of love and passion, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes.
Furthermore, he wanted the wedding to be as soon as possible. While I didn’t see the rush in quite the same way, he made me excited for our future together, so I went along with it.
Get to know somebody before you dive in, because let me tell you, mistakes were made by me!”
#3 Gushing compliments
Phoebe:
“Who doesn’t love a compliment? When they’re from people we respect or care about, compliments are great to receive.
What I fear is that point where people love to hear good things from the person they’re with, not because they feel good, but because they’re from that particular person.
You know the person I mean. The one you want the validation from. The one you seek the approval of all the time.
It means that little bit more to you, doesn’t it? That’s because for most of the time, they don’t even act like you exist.
It’s a red flag to be love-bombed by somebody who treats you like you’re nothing and nobody the rest of the time. I’ll never date a narcissist again.”
#4 Non-stop contact
Rose:
“Oh my God. It was constant, Alexander. I had calls day and night, night and day.
I had texts all in between and my voicemail got to the point where I couldn’t have any more messages stored.
He tried to contact me at work when I couldn’t answer my cell, and my boss was starting to get annoyed by him.
Initially I thought it was sweet. I just didn’t realize it was going to get as bad as it did and I should have seen it as more of a red flag, but he painted it that he just couldn’t get enough of me.”
#5 Lavish gifts
Anita:
“My ex would just keep buying me expensive things. I’ts funny, because I remember the first time we met, I told him my parents barely even got me a thing for my birthday growing up.
I said I never got what I asked for, yet I was always asked what I wanted. And they weren’t expensive gifts. Maybe a new skirt, or roller skates. But I never got them.
It’s like he latched onto that and tried to make up for it all. Which I loved at first, it made me feel special.
But I should have known it was a red flag. It made me think he cared, and when I thought that, I didn’t want to be anywhere else other than with him.”
#6 Even more lavish gestures
Tyler:
“She would want to show me off to the world. Selfies on social media, writing where we were or what we were doing, writing public poems to me in front of all her friends and family.
I felt like I was really loved and valued, and as I saw the comments coming in from her followers, I’d see how happy they were for her that she found me.
It made me feel like I was somebody who made a difference to her life, but ultimately it just made me a prime candidate for a later smear campaign.
It worked.”
#7 Intimacy instantly
Josh:
“It was all so instant, I will never forget it. She swept me off my feet using her body, and of course, physical intimacy is my one weakness.
It’s where I find my worth, and where I sit comfortably expressing myself.
She took full advantage of that and the passion was extremely high. We’d spend entire nights awake just being together and exploring each other’s bodies, until one day it all stopped.
No reason, just silence. Then when I tried to make moves, I’d be rejected and told I only want one thing.”
#8 Overwhelming attention
Dianne:
“They always want to be with you, and make you feel guilty for needing space. I feel that! I still punish myself for falling for all the general attention I got.
It was never too much of one thing, which made it incredibly hard to diagnose.
However, I gave five years of my life to somebody who turned out to be a narcissist and it only lasted that long because of how good he was at love-bombing me. Right when he needed to the most, and it worked.”
It wasn’t the true love he’d framed it to be.
#9 Inconsistency – words against actions
Jennifer:
“Hot and cold, that’s all it was. The heat was very hot, and the love-bombing was just non-comparable.
But in the end, it was what kept me hanging around. The bad was dreadful, and I never imagined I’d fall victim to it but here we are, talking about it.
He always said one thing and meant or did the complete opposite. Promises never met, words never kept.
The intention was fully there, but he did nothing to make any of it come true.”
#10 You challenge anybody who questions it
Kelly:
“Don’t you want me to be happy? I’d say that to whoever tried to tell me I was moving too fast, or to just take time to get to know him.
I resented their comments, and told them they were nothing but jealous of the situation.
This red flag wasn’t directly related to what he was doing to love-bomb me, but it was in my response to those who saw it wasn’t normal.”
