Ladies and gentlemen, please start your stopwatches….
…. In 3, 2, 1… NOW!
As soon as you recognize that person you just met as a narcissist, I want you to press stop. Yell bingo. Wave your red flag – or all of those things!
Wouldn’t that make it more fun?! I mean – if only we knew how much time went by before the wool fell from our eyes and revealed the true person before us.
Let’s talk about that in more detail, because I feel it will really help some of you.
Time Differs For All
We stare at the same clock every day. We share time with millions, if not billions of others. As it ticks away, we do what we do to pass it.
We work.
We sleep.
We eat.
We mingle
New Guide
Most People Break No Contact Within Two Weeks. I Wrote a Guide That Shows You How Not To.
The exact steps, the exact scripts for when they come back, and an honest day-by-day guide through the first 30 days. 26 pages. Instant download.
Get the Playbook for $27 →PDF · Instant download · 30-day money back guarantee
We paint.
We shop.
We clean.
Somehow though, time can either be on our side, or our worst enemy when it comes to recognizing narcissists.
Either we don’t need a lot of it, or we need as much of it as we can get until we figure out the truth about those toxic people.
And I know, it doesn’t seem fair. It doesn’t seem fair that entire decades can go by until you realize the person you’re living with and have been in a relationship with is a narcissist.
Beyond that it may even be a parent, friend, or even your boss!
These people – they don’t make it easy for us.
Knowing What You Know Will Help
I always think that when it comes to narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the more you know, the easier the signs will be to spot.
Are they 100% foolproof? Of course not! Nothing ever is.
But… They will mean you have much more of a chance to figure out a person’s real motives in good time, without feeling as though you’ve wasted so much of it being tricked, fooled and abused.
People like me are out there to teach you how to scan the room for the people you should avoid.
If you can’t avoid them, have your guard up and give as little as possible away to them.
Not Seeing What’s There
Hi, my name’s Andrew. I’m a friend of your cousins and I’m a complete narcissist.
In fact, I should also mention that I think you’re beautiful so you fall in love with me. Then I can spend the next twenty years abusing you and eroding your entire identity.
….Said no narcissist EVER!
People can sometimes say, “How didn’t you spot the signs?”
I always want to say, “You try knowing everything you need to know at the exact moment you need to know it!”
In other words, most people only really know the true depths a narcissist is capable of after they’ve been affected by one.
And even if you did happen to know a lot about narcissists, the chances of you dodging one in real life until you’ve come to know them is slim.
They’re clever. More than that – they know exactly what they’re doing and who to target.
For example, Andrew up there isn’t offer his boss the same charm for a promotion as he will for a potential date.
It’ll be, “What do I have in common with my boss? How can I become good friends with him so he will consider me for promotion season?”
They manipulate every person differently. They know who they’re dealing with at all times, and will act accordingly (‘act’ being the operative word…)
So yes – it’s very easy to not see what’s really there.
It’s also just as easy to see what’s not there.
Future Faking Buys Them Time
You know all too well that any narcissist who promises you the world is not going to keep to their world.
When you’re living those moments of fakery and falseness, you don’t see it.
You don’t see what’s happening. All you see is a person you think cares for you, telling you how much they care for you.
They’ll even ‘prove’ it by telling you that someday you’ll be married, have kids, and live happily ever after.
The promise to always love and respect you.
The promise to always be honest and caring.
And you know what? The more they promise, the more time they can stretch out where you are oblivious to their narcissistic ways.
It’s what they do, and it’s how they buy time.
The more time you give them, the more they can manipulate you and form the toxic attachment that keeps you with them.
Narcissistic Abuse: Calling a Spade, a Spade
So when you finally wake up one day and realize what has been going on, you will have no choice but to call it what it is.
Will it hurt?
Absolutely.
You’re not only recognizing a narcissist in action, you’re recognizing one who has fooled you.
Suddenly, it gets personal.
It affects you.
It doesn’t matter when you notice the signs, or how long it took. You can punish yourself for not noticing sooner, or you can be thankful you noticed at all.
Whatever way you got there – you got there.
How You Can Spot The Signs: Speeding Up The Process
So spotting the signs of a narcissist may or may not come obviously, depending on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with.
Most will display:
- Lack of empathy
- Mood swings
- The inability to keep to their word
- The need for attention
- A love for drama
- To be center of attention
The more covert narcissists will be more:
- Able to play on their own emotions – perhaps using tears to look the victim
- Subtle, yet still destructive. You want to look out for them acting coy but almost still loving the attention
- Passive-aggressive
- Grudge holding
Whereas overt narcissism look more like:
- Grandiose
- Loves to splash the cash
- Loves to draw in a crowd of people
- Overestimates their abilities
- Arrogant and bold
- Attention-seeking
Both love drama. Both cannot love properly. Both triangulate. Both gaslight. Both abuse. Both are great at dishing out silent treatment as punishment.
It is imperative to know these things and look out for things that don’t seem right or sit well with you.
Tune into your intuition. If something feels better than perfect, it probably is.
Stop Ignoring What’s Obvious
You can make all the excuses in the world for somebody, but ultimately the more you do that, the more you allow them to get away with being a narcissist in your life.
One you could do without!
Recognizing the signs should be when you pull back and change direction.
You don’t want to be doing the same thing in ten years.
Be Sure Of Yourself
It’s okay to believe in your feelings.
Digging past the charm might actually see you thinking and feeling, “Gosh. This just doesn’t seem to add up.”
You’re right, it doesn’t.
Don’t leave doing the digging for long.
The less time you allow yourself to fall for the narcissist, the more time you have to move on!
