When An Ex Contacts You Years Later THIS Is What It Means

Why would an ex contact you years after the relationship ended? You’ve both moved on, got a new partner, and were happy, so what’s the motive? You had strong feelings for your ex, things didn’t end well, and you don’t want them disrupting your life.

But at the same time, you’re curious as to why they are reaching out. What if you start talking again and old feelings resurface? Have you ever considered getting back with your ex?

You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say, or ignore them. Nevertheless, when an ex contacts you years later, this is what it means. 

Why Do Exes Reach Out Years Later?

There are several reasons why ex’s reach out years later, including they are just checking up on you, they want to offer a sincere apology, or they are jealous of your happiness.

Here are ten reasons why exes reach out years later. 

Why Do Exes Reach Out Years Later

#1 They Are Just Checking Up On You

The first thing most people think when an ex contacts them is that they want something.

They’re not quite sure what, but that phone call, text message, or email is met with suspicion, and rightly so.

You haven’t heard from your ex in years, and they’re contacting you out of nowhere.

What’s going on? Absolutely nothing, your ex doesn’t have an ulterior motive.

They’re literally just checking up on you to see if you’re well. They don’t want to hear how you’re doing through the grapevine. They want to hear it from you directly. 

#2 They Want To Offer A Sincere Apology

Your ex didn’t treat you very well when you were together, and to top it off, they dumped you and never looked back. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships.

They Want To Offer A Sincere Apology

Now they’ve matured, they realize how terrible of a partner they were and how their actions could have caused you to have trust issues.

After thinking about it long and hard, your ex decides to re-establish contact and tell you how sorry they are.

They are not trying to rekindle the relationship or become friends. They just want you to know they’re sorry. 

#3 They Are Jealous Of Your Happiness

You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but they’ve managed to gain access to your page, and they know all about the wonderful life you’re living without them.

They Are Jealous Of Your Happiness

You’re married with beautiful children, successful, and go on the most amazing vacations.

Any normal ex would respect the life you’ve built for yourself and keep it moving. But your ex can’t seem to help themselves and wants to try and drag you down to their pathetic level.

They know they could never have given you the life you have now. It makes them feel so inadequate, they want to see if they can disrupt it. 

#4 They Want To See If You’re Up For Sex

There’s no doubt you had mind-blowing sex with your ex, but that was all there was to the relationship.

Outside the bedroom, you weren’t compatible at all.

They Want To See If You’re Up For Sex

They’ve heard you’re single and so have decided to try their luck and see if you’ll agree to go for a drink. But they’re really hoping that you’ll end up in bed together. 

#5 They Want To Get Back Together

After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back.

Although you had problems when you were together, you always worked it out and were happy.

You broke up because an argument went too far, but they want to see whether you can pick up where you left off. 

#6 They Want Advice About Something

There are some things only you know about your partner. Now that they’re dealing with issues concerning the things only you know about, they’ve got no one else to turn to.

They Want Advice About Something

The only reason your ex is trying to re-establish contact is that they need some advice about a serious issue they’re having. 

#7 They Want To Give You Some Bad News

Maybe you were really close with one of your ex’s friends or family members, and they’re either seriously ill and on their deathbed, or they died suddenly.

Whatever the bad news, your ex thought you’d want to know about it. Maybe they want you to come to the hospital and say goodbye, or they’re calling to invite you to the funeral. 

#8 They Want To Know If You’re Thinking The Same As Them

It’s strange to call your ex to find out if they think the same as them, but it happens because you still feel connected to your ex.

Maybe they’ve spent the past couple of years thinking about how perfect you were together and that they haven’t had a better relationship since. 

They Want To Know If You’re Thinking The Same As Them

#9 They Want To Be Friends

It’s been several years since you broke up with your ex, and they’ve assumed you’ve got over what happened.

You were friends before getting involved in a relationship, and becoming a couple destroyed your friendship.

Both of you have partners, your ex no longer has romantic feelings for you, and they’re hoping you can become friends again. 

#10 They Are Lonely

Loneliness will cause us to scroll through our phones and contact people we wouldn’t normally.

If your ex is single and all their friends are dating, they may go through periods of loneliness where they desperately need to speak to someone.

They Are Lonely

So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope you’re just as lonely as them and willing to have a conversation.

It’s important to mention that this is a dangerous place to be in because it satisfies a void, and you forget why you broke up in the first place.

One conversation leads to two, two leads to three, and before you know it, you’re arranging to ‘Netflix and chill.’

The next thing you know, you’re back in an unhealthy relationship because you were enticed by a moment of weakness. 

What To Do When An Ex Reaches Out After Years

It can be confusing when your ex reaches out after years because you don’t know what their motives are.

However, before taking any action, you should listen to what they’ve got to say, get some advice, and don’t respond.

What To Do When An Ex Reaches Out After Years

Here are five things to do when your ex reaches out after years. 

#1 Listen To What They’ve Got To Say

Unless your ex-partner was an abuser, listen to what they’ve got to say before deciding how to handle the situation.

As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. If that’s the case, there’s no harm in having a casual conversation.

On the other hand, if they’re calling because they want to get back together, you’ll need to think carefully about that. 

#2 Get Some Advice

If you’re feeling a bit confused and overwhelmed by your ex contacting you, speak to a trusted friend or family member.

Get Some Advice

You’ll probably experience a flood of emotions when you get that message, so getting an objective opinion will help you look at things from a different perspective and make the right decision. 

#3 Don’t Respond

If you were in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do when your ex reaches out is not to respond.

For some strange reasons, exes seem to pop up when we’re at our lowest, making it easy to forget about how terrible the relationship was and give in to their charms.

When the call, email, or text message comes, don’t feel that you need to be polite. Ignore it. 

#4 Don’t Sabotage Your Current Relationship

Before you start having two-hour-long conversations with your ex after midnight, think about how your current partner will feel.

You’ve probably told your partner all about your ex, and why you broke up. There’s also a chance that your partner has asked what you’d do if your ex resurfaced.

Don’t Sabotage Your Current Relationship

If so, remember what you said and keep your word, because going against it will only cause problems between the two of you.

Additionally, make sure you tell your partner when your ex contacts you so it doesn’t appear as if you’re hiding anything. 

#5 Think About Your Current Life

Your life will probably look a lot different now to when you were with your ex. Your mentality has changed, and things are not how they used to be.

Is there space for them if you’re planning on letting your ex back into your life?

What role are they going to play? If you’re focused and working on your goals, will your ex become a distraction? 

Is It Common For Exes To Get Back Together Years Later

Yes, it is very common for exes to get back together years later. In fact, research suggests that 40-50% of people re-establish contact with exes and start a relationship again.

Some possible reasons for rekindling the relationship include regretting the break-up, the ex is a better partner, and they were soul mates.

Is It Common For Exes To Get Back Together Years Later

Here are six common reasons for exes getting back together years later. 

#1 Regretting The Break-Up

Some couples break up in the heat of the moment for ridiculous reasons. Due to pride, they don’t get back together immediately, get on with their lives, and date other people.

But years later, they realize they could have worked their way through their problems and that breaking up was a mistake.

When reuniting, they’ve matured and understand what it takes to make a relationship work. 

#2 The Ex Is A Better Partner

Most people spend their lives seeking perfection in a partner only to realize that there is no such thing as perfection.

The Ex Is A Better Partner

They bounce from relationship to relationship and leave when they can no longer ignore their significant others’ flaws.

When they meet up with their ex years later, they come to the same conclusion and decide to get back together. 

#3 They Were Soul Mates

Despite their problems in their relationship, they were soul mates, and they’d never been able to find such a deep connection with anyone else since the break-up. It’s not one-sided either, they both feel the same way. 

#4 They Are Familiar With Each Other

It’s difficult to find someone who accepts you the way you are. Most people go through life hiding parts of their character because they’re afraid of being judged.

But some people are lucky enough to meet that one person who accepts everything about them. There is no pretentious behavior, and they are comfortable with each other.

They Are Familiar With Each Other

The relationship might not be the most exciting in the world, but after several fiery encounters with people who don’t accept them for who they are, they realize they’d rather be with someone they can be themselves around. 

#5 They Never Met Anyone Else

Despite going on several dates after breaking up with their ex-partner, they never met anyone worth having a serious relationship with.

After years of single life and suffering from loneliness, they decide to get back together with their ex. 

#6 They Are More Mature

One of the most famous couples to break up and get back together were Prince William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.

They Are More Mature

They started dating in 2003 when they were in university. They broke up in 2007 because Prince William thought he was too young to be in such a serious relationship and wanted to enjoy his youth.

However, they later got back together and married in 2011. 

Final Thought

As you’ve read, it’s the norm for people to get back together after they’ve been broken up for years. However, if you’re thinking about getting back with your ex, you must decide wisely.

If the relationship was abusive, it’s not advised for your physical and mental safety to get back with your ex.

Additionally, if you’re getting back with your ex because you’re lonely, that may not be a good idea either.

The bottom line is that if you’re thinking about starting the relationship again, you must think about it carefully. 

Photo of author

Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

2 thoughts on “When An Ex Contacts You Years Later THIS Is What It Means”

  1. I did allow my ex and father of an adult child back into my life; 25 years later. What a mistake ! He was still the self centred narcissist of former years. He walked all over me and left. Never go back; if it wasn’t good the first time why would the second be better ?

    • Wow, I bet that was so heartbreaking. Thanks for this, I think my ex is a Narc too. It’s been 5 years since he moved me to FL and abandoned me. Now he’s showing up at my house, crying, apologizing how he made the biggest mistake but wants to take it slow and decide if we should get back together…:: like he’s entitled to just decide IF he wants to be with me again. Especially after trying to leave me to find someone better. I’m ignoring forever.


Leave a Comment