It happens more than you think, but a narcissist does cross paths with somebody who is one hundred percent intolerable of their BS.
Messing with the wrong person has implications for the narcissist.
This is the kind of person who believes everybody will fall for their charm, and when it doesn’t work that way…
…They scratch their heads. They go over and over what they did wrong. They ruminate. The promise to be bigger, badder and bolder than ever for next time.
Want to know more? Let’s dig in.
#1 Narcissists use their charm
Let’s go there, because it’s really important to understand exactly what narcissistic charm is, and how it can be used against you.
You think you’ve met a person who is interested in you, and everything you have to say.
You smile as they lean in closely to you as you talk about your life and past.
You are astounded that they sent you flowers at work, with a note telling you how beautiful you are.
You get the text that they can’t wait to see you again, and your parents have fallen in love with them, too.
Narcissists use their charm as a way into people’s lives. Once in, they can twist and turn the toxicity in whichever way they please.
And they do – all the time. The charm wears off, and what you are left with is a person who wants to pull your life apart, and everything in it.
#2 Mostly it works…
If the narcissist’s charm worked all the time, then there would be nobody out there learning from it, sharing their experiences and in turn, helping other people heal and realize that they’re being abused.
If the charm never worked, then I’d be out of a job because I wouldn’t need to raise awareness of narcissists!
When it does work, narcissists know that they are dealing with the type of person who they can manipulate.
They know that they can pull the usual tricks, and get away with them.
Their charm shapes a narrative that you go along with, because you don’t see anything wrong with it until it’s too late.
For those moments, narcissists love life.
#3 …Sometimes it doesn’t
…And for the times their charm doesn’t work, they know they are messing with the wrong person.
Has that been you before, I wonder? Are you wise to the narcissist’s tricks, so much so that you now have this charm radar going on with you that spots them the moment they try to act sweetly around you?
If not, fear not. It can be you in the future, and with topics like this, you’ll get there faster.
A narcissist will use their usual charm to deliver what they think is the perfect toxic game to your doorstep.
When it doesn’t work, they’re left feeling confused. What went wrong? Why didn’t that person bite and fall for it? The paranoid kicks in.
Am I off my game?
Am I losing my charm in general?
All natural questions the narcissists will ask themselves, and of course look to the person who doesn’t fall for the charm as an instant problem.
But more than a problem, they’re seen as a threat, too.
A threat to the entire reason why a narcissist acts the way they do, and a threat to any kind of game they’re trying to play.
#4 When a narcissist messes with the wrong person
There’s no satisfying reality check like it – for you that is. Messing with the wrong person isn’t so great for the narcissist, who just wants everybody under their spell.
Hey, narcissist. Life doesn’t always give you what you want!
Some people out there – and I hope someday this will be all of you – are just not switched on to the narcissist’s charm.
They hear the words, sure. They hear all the lovely, wonderful things the narcissist has to say.
They see the smile, almost creeping onto their faces. They see the sickly sweet offers of help, or the laugh that could carry a ship out to sea…
…But whatever charm the narcissist is trying to sell, these people ain’t buyin’.
That’s because they spot the fakeness. They understand that to be a nice person, you have to have an air of authenticity about you.
A certain level of positivity and warmth that you catch that person being, even when they think nobody is watching.
For a narcissist, the charm is switched off as soon as they want. It can be flipped at the drop of a hat, sure, but in most circumstances, charm, kindness and authenticity is a choice, and all part of their game.
#5 The ego: from solid to pieces
Boy, goes the ego of the narcissist fall from grace as soon as they notice they’re not winning at the charm game.
From being high up in the clouds (or cuckoo land if you’d prefer), the narcissist’s ego takes a tumble – and a fast one – and this causes them to somewhat panic.
The fear is that they exposed themselves to this person who just will not take their charm for reality.
What happened?
What went wrong?
This doesn’t usually happen.
The ego, as it falls, lands on the ground before the narcissist and shatters into tiny, pitiful pieces.
#6 Panic kicks in
That panic likes to stick around ,that;s for sure. The narcissist wants to act normal, and pretend they’re fine, but what’s really going on is the paranoia that they have failed.
I can’t think of a bigger trigger to both annoy, frustrate and upset the narcissist, can you?
When a narcissist panics, you’ll notice a complete shift in the air. Everything felt like it was going fine, and then boom.
They flap, they pace, they run their hands through their hair, wondering at what point the charm just didn’t work.
Is this it now?
Do I have to up my game for everybody?
They will notice that I am panicking and realize I’m not perfect.
The narcissist needs help, but instead of throwing them a lifeline, I have a much better idea…
#7 How to be “the wrong one”
Continue to be the wrong one. Let the narcissist know that you did mean to not fall for their charm by continuing to be just who you are.
Let them see that your tough exterior aligns with the strong boundaries you hold for yourself.
Show the narcissist that you don’t fall for charm just because it is served up warm on a tempting plate.
There are no cracks in your persona, and the only weakness you want to be a part of, is the witnessing of the narcissist’s weakness as they realize they have messed with you.
You might be the wrong person in their eyes, but you are the right person for the job.
You correctly identified a narcissist just by noticing their charm, and refusing to believe that it is genuine.
That’s a huge step in any kind of narcissistic abuse recovery. It means you’re preventing the same, tired patterns from forming all over again.
For that, I honorably salute you.
