Narcissists love a revolving door, and where relationships are concerned, they are known to keep circling back to you when it suits them.
It’s painful and confusing, not to mention the fact that you’ll never be able to move on yourself if they’re always lingering and threatening yet another return.
If you want to know for sure that a narcissist is done, and left you for good, then it’s wise to look out for this one thing.
When you spot it, you know that you are finally soon to be free of this push and pull, hot and cold scenario you’ve been stuck in.
1 The end is near
When the plan is to eventually always leave you for good, narcissists know they’ve got to do something to change how they present to you.
Yes, the usual highs and lows, ups and downs, hots and colds will be there, but what’s added is a new kind of treatment. Those highs will become less, as the narcissist knows they practically have their hand on the door handle, ready to run.
Something is different, and you just can’t put your finger on what’s going on.
You don’t ever imagine it’s that they are about to disappear forever, because they’re always promising they want to be with you forever, but sadly, these are just words, and they always were.
The end is near, and the narcissist’s plans to leave you for good have been set in stone.
2 You’ve been here before
What’s as interesting as it is exhausting about narcissistic relationships is the cycle both the narcissist and victim undertake when they enroll in one together.
You’ve probably become familiar with how low the lows can get if you are experienced in these dynamics, and know how endings can seem so real when the narcissist declares it’s over.
It’s not unusual for them to say this every now and then; done for effect and attention.
It comes at you like a curveball, and you’re left shocked that this is what they’ve decided. You beg for them to stay, and promise that whatever it is they’re unhappy with, you’ll do better.
As it was never their intention to leave at that time, the narcissist will know that they’ve worked to gain your attention and a new level of effort and loyalty to boot.
But this time? This time it will be for good, and there will be one final sign where you know it’s over.
There’s no going back after this, and the narcissist holds it like a joker card over you during your whole time together, ready to drop it when they want.
3 The public declaration: the audience the narcissist wants
Declaring to the world that you are no longer together is how the narcissist proves to you once and for all that it’s over for good.
If you share socials together, you will be broken up by the narcissist, as they end the relationship you previously stated you were in.
There will be sad comments, replies and messages of concern. You and them are no longer in a relationship.
It just wasn’t working. We broke up last week. I think it’s for the best. We need to go our separate ways. There was no future there. We would never have lasted.
Furthermore, the narcissist will go to other lengths to ensure everybody knows, with potential group chats set up, texts fired out to friends and relatives to let them know that you are over, and that there’s no hope for reconciliation.
Finally, you are done. The narcissist will call it and take control of being the breaker of this news, and I will tell you why they do that in just a moment.
4 Learning the false signs first
There will always be threats. Narcissists love to keep you on edge, and every now and then boredom will kick in alongside their desperate need to get attention.
It’s over! I’m leaving! I can’t take it any more!
Then a day later, they’re back, saying sorry, and wanting to try again.
What they don’t do is tell people that they left, and this is the crucial difference between crying wolf, and leaving for good.
5 When it’s over, it’s over
Narcissists love to break the news that they are no longer in a relationship with you.
It’s all part of their plan, and becomes a full circle moment where they get to be the one who tells the whole world what happened, even if they’re stretching the truth a lot.
Why do you think that might be? I’d go as far as saying there are likely several reasons, and I want to explain them to you.
The first reason you’ll normally see a narcissist jump at the chance of broadcasting that you’re over because they want to control the narrative.
If they get in there first, they can explain exactly what caused the break up, and that will likely paint you in an unkind light.
The second, is that it gives them a chance to play victim before you even get a look in.
If it’s for good, the narcissist will want to play on that, and gain as much attention from the finality as possible.
Expect tears, regrets; the works, and all because they know people will flock around them and pat their back sympathetically.
The third is knowing what attention they get from acting the victim. People will rally round, want to spend time with them, listen to them and make the narcissist their priority, which is exactly where they love to be the most.
When it’s over, it’s really over, and all narcissists love to play on what comes next.
6 Getting in control of the narrative
Sometimes it’s possible to be a step ahead of all of this, and find a way to be in control of the narrative.
You see the final break up coming, or get a sense that the narcissist is going to leave you for good, and you can be in charge of how that story plays out to other people.
I know from so many of your comments how frustrating it is to have to deal with people asking you what happened, or giving you the cold shoulder after the narcissist has left. Part of you thinks, “What on earth do they say about me?”
In truth, I don’t think you’ll ever really know the depths the narcissist will go to, to speak unkindly of you during times like this.
The only thing you’ve got on your side is the dignity to know when to hold your head up high, and let people think what they choose to believe.
Knowing the narcissist you know has finally banged that final nail in the coffin speaks volumes about what they truly want their next step to be.
If it’s walking away for good, then the entire world will find out, and they will find out through how the narcissist chooses to do that.
Let them. Eventually, there will be some people who will find out the truth about them anyway.
