They say don’t shit on your doorstep, but narcissists don’t care where they shit. They never have, and that’s why their attitudes stink along with it.
You, however, are cut differently. You’re compassionate to their cruelty and empathic to their evil.
And it’s only real narcissists who tick these boxes. Sadly, we have become a world that completely sweeps all people they don’t like into the ‘narcissist’ category – and that’s a dangerous game.
That’s where I step in and offer you a little human-to-human advice on stepping away from the doo-doo and stepping into the knowledge that narcissists do exist – alongside those who are just plain negative.
Knowing the Difference – Asshole vs. Narcissist
It pains me to say it, but both exist in this diverse, vibrant world.
If you’ve spent any time at all around a narcissist, you will be familiar with their ability to cause trouble just because they feel like it.
Narcissists enjoy getting under people’s skin and relish the idea that they have so much power over situations, relationships, and connections.
To them, they won’t hesitate to get between two people who get along well if they feel that dynamic duo is a threat.
No person or group of people is allowed to be stronger than the narcissist alone.
Narcissists work to ruin your day in every way, and the misery created within you is what they feed from.
Now we turn to assholes – just plain old rude people who aren’t particularly interested in manipulating you but who will speak their mind, and do what they want in life without a thought for you.
They sound awfully similar, don’t they?
They are, but they differ when it comes to long-term intent, and how they view themselves.
Narcissists think they’re the best, with nobody else even coming close.
Assholes may openly dislike themselves and admit so, but that won’t stop them from being unkind to others.
They aren’t interested in having the best car or house, or showing off – they’re just miserable, bitter (and openly so) people.
It’s Easy To Label
When you don’t like somebody, it’s pretty easy to stamp them with the label of dislike, isn’t it?
Oh, they’re a total narcissist.
Look at them, they’re so narcissistic.
It seems we live in a world where, sadly, the N-word is offered too readily and very frequently.
That tells me that people are more keen to label somebody than really find out what’s going on underneath it all.
And so what happens then, to the word narcissist?
Its overuse dampens its power and meaning.
No longer does it hold when someone is really suffering at the hands and fates of a truly toxic character, but they are even less likely to be believed, and perhaps even viewed themselves as a narcissist.
The Disorder Behind The Narcissistic Personality
You have to remember that authentic narcissism derives from a cluster of personality disorders, and its official term would be Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This is a recognized condition by medically trained professionals, and can lead to a diagnosis.
In other words – it’s a mental illness.
This offers so much to all victims.
First, there’s validation. Nothing you ever did was the cause of their behavior.
Then there’s reassurance. It wasn’t your fault. No matter how many times the finger was pointed at you, and you were blamed.
Then, for all intent purposes – there is sympathy. Sympathy is probably the last thing you want to offer to the narcissist in your life (it might feel more like pity).
It’s not a deserved form of attention to gain from you – the person who has suffered the most in all of this.
In their way, narcissists also suffer. Deep down, underneath all the drama and entitlement, they suffer too.
Whether it’s their own self-hatred, or the knowledge that they will never truly be happy – they’re aware on some level of this.
Sympathy? To an Extent
Narcissists always want our sympathy. If they can lay on the track of victimhood, they will happily do so, and set up home there.
They love it when you stop what you’re doing and listen to them.
Oh, you have no idea how terrible things are for me now.
People don’t understand me.
I’ve been so unwell, yet here I am, working hard to pay for the roof over our heads.
Narcissists press on with this approach because it makes them appear saintly.
They know they’re not, and so do you, but to the stranger in the coffee shop, or the customer, or the coworker, they get what they need from them with just a few small, dishonest phrases.
If you know somebody who is a bit of an ass, they can also throw these phrases out, but they don’t do it for sympathy.
They do it because they want to vent. They might live with ungrateful people who don’t help or pull their weight in the house!
The phrases however, are the same. It’s not helpful to you, who is trying very hard to differentiate between a narcissist and a total ass, but it’s always how you hear it that will give you a good idea.
Having Compassion For Those Unwell
You’; encounter some people who just don’t have time to look after somebody who is sick, say, their child for example.
Their job is important, and there’s a lot of stress going on. The company is rumored to be considering cuts. They need to be in and prove their position there.
Does that seem heartless? Well, it can. But it’s totally different from a narcissist who refuses to do something where there’s nothing in it for them.
If they’re at home looking after their kid, they get nothing from it. No supply, no money, no joy.
Healthy people get all those things, even if it can get tiring.
Compassion is lost in all narcissistic personalities, but the compassion will still be there for those unable, yet who still care.
Being Careful Not To Get Swept In
It’s a challenge to not get swept into comparing too many people to narcissists. Not everybody is, but we live in a world where traits can get somewhat distorted occasionally.
Are they?
Aren’t they?
It can be hard to tell.
The only answer is to keep your distance from those expressing negativity, or who are craving attention you know isn’t healthy.
As much as they want to draw you in and be that person who gives them the supply they need, they also may just be venting to you.
They may also just be a plain old non-narcissistic misery!
