They say don’t shit on your doorstep, but narcissists don’t care where they shit. They never have, and that’s why their attitudes stink along with it.
You, however, are cut differently. You’re compassionate to their cruelty and empathic to their evil.
And it’s only real narcissists who tick these boxes. Sadly, we have become a world that completely sweeps all people they don’t like into the ‘narcissist’ category – and that’s a dangerous game.
That’s where I step in and offer you a little human-to-human advice on stepping away from the doo-doo and stepping into the knowledge that narcissists do exist – alongside those who are just plain negative.
Knowing the Difference – Asshole vs. Narcissist
It pains me to say it, but both exist in this diverse, vibrant world.
If you’ve spent any time at all around a narcissist, you will be familiar with their ability to cause trouble just because they feel like it.
Narcissists enjoy getting under people’s skin and relish the idea that they have so much power over situations, relationships, and connections.
To them, they won’t hesitate to get between two people who get along well if they feel that dynamic duo is a threat.
No person or group of people is allowed to be stronger than the narcissist alone.
Narcissists work to ruin your day in every way, and the misery created within you is what they feed from.
Now we turn to assholes – just plain old rude people who aren’t particularly interested in manipulating you but who will speak their mind, and do what they want in life without a thought for you.
They sound awfully similar, don’t they?
They are, but they differ when it comes to long-term intent, and how they view themselves.
Narcissists think they’re the best, with nobody else even coming close.
Assholes may openly dislike themselves and admit so, but that won’t stop them from being unkind to others.
They aren’t interested in having the best car or house, or showing off – they’re just miserable, bitter (and openly so) people.
It’s Easy To Label
When you don’t like somebody, it’s pretty easy to stamp them with the label of dislike, isn’t it?
Oh, they’re a total narcissist.
Look at them, they’re so narcissistic.
It seems we live in a world where, sadly, the N-word is offered too readily and very frequently.
That tells me that people are more keen to label somebody than really find out what’s going on underneath it all.
And so what happens then, to the word narcissist?
Its overuse dampens its power and meaning.
No longer does it hold when someone is really suffering at the hands and fates of a truly toxic character, but they are even less likely to be believed, and perhaps even viewed themselves as a narcissist.
The Disorder Behind The Narcissistic Personality
You have to remember that authentic narcissism derives from a cluster of personality disorders, and its official term would be Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
This is a recognized condition by medically trained professionals, and can lead to a diagnosis.
In other words – it’s a mental illness.
This offers so much to all victims.
First, there’s validation. Nothing you ever did was the cause of their behavior.
Then there’s reassurance. It wasn’t your fault. No matter how many times the finger was pointed at you, and you were blamed.
Then, for all intent purposes – there is sympathy. Sympathy is probably the last thing you want to offer to the narcissist in your life (it might feel more like pity).
It’s not a deserved form of attention to gain from you – the person who has suffered the most in all of this.
In their way, narcissists also suffer. Deep down, underneath all the drama and entitlement, they suffer too.
Whether it’s their own self-hatred, or the knowledge that they will never truly be happy – they’re aware on some level of this.
Sympathy? To an Extent
Narcissists always want our sympathy. If they can lay on the track of victimhood, they will happily do so, and set up home there.
They love it when you stop what you’re doing and listen to them.
Oh, you have no idea how terrible things are for me now.
People don’t understand me.
I’ve been so unwell, yet here I am, working hard to pay for the roof over our heads.
Narcissists press on with this approach because it makes them appear saintly.
They know they’re not, and so do you, but to the stranger in the coffee shop, or the customer, or the coworker, they get what they need from them with just a few small, dishonest phrases.
If you know somebody who is a bit of an ass, they can also throw these phrases out, but they don’t do it for sympathy.
They do it because they want to vent. They might live with ungrateful people who don’t help or pull their weight in the house!
The phrases however, are the same. It’s not helpful to you, who is trying very hard to differentiate between a narcissist and a total ass, but it’s always how you hear it that will give you a good idea.
Having Compassion For Those Unwell
You’; encounter some people who just don’t have time to look after somebody who is sick, say, their child for example.
Their job is important, and there’s a lot of stress going on. The company is rumored to be considering cuts. They need to be in and prove their position there.
Does that seem heartless? Well, it can. But it’s totally different from a narcissist who refuses to do something where there’s nothing in it for them.
If they’re at home looking after their kid, they get nothing from it. No supply, no money, no joy.
Healthy people get all those things, even if it can get tiring.
Compassion is lost in all narcissistic personalities, but the compassion will still be there for those unable, yet who still care.
Being Careful Not To Get Swept In
It’s a challenge to not get swept into comparing too many people to narcissists. Not everybody is, but we live in a world where traits can get somewhat distorted occasionally.
Are they?
Aren’t they?
It can be hard to tell.
The only answer is to keep your distance from those expressing negativity, or who are craving attention you know isn’t healthy.
As much as they want to draw you in and be that person who gives them the supply they need, they also may just be venting to you.
They may also just be a plain old non-narcissistic misery!
How To Outsmart The Narcissist?
Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.
Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?
Wrong!
You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!
Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.
So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?
Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask
Narcissists!
You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!
Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.
Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!
You know it well, I’m certain!
Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be.
They’re also incredibly convincing at it.
But don’t be fooled.
Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.
They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at.
Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you.
Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen.
This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them.
Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.
They Think They’re So Clever!
Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally.
They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.
They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you?
It is to so many people, sadly.
The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword.
Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all.
Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!
What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others.
Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.
Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.
You? Really? …
Yes! Really!
You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?
Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.
If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind.
You’re so not alone.
Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively.
The key?
Outsmart them!
Let’s get to the good bit…
How to Outsmart a Narcissist
#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!
Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!
The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.
Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back.
Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.
Composure is key, just like consistency.
#2 “Gray Rock”
The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist.
The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.
You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.
Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.
Bingo!
When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.
Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.
You’ve become so boring!
No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…
#3 Deflection – Master It!
Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable.
One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.
Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.
I’ll give you an example.
They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?)
Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?”
It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks.
#4 Information is Preparation!
Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else.
You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up.
Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points.
This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.
This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?
#5 Gather Your Support System
It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.
You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.
Encouragement is also heavily advised here!
Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to.
Let’s start unlock that potential!
