What’s It Like Breaking Up With a Narcissist?

So, you’ve finally got there. You are about to break up with the narcissist

You walk, one foot in the front of the other, and you finally sever those chains.

Well, I can throw a bunch of assumed emotions your way, and you’d probably tell me you felt every single one of them.

That’s pretty normal – It’s a whirlwind!

Breaking up with a narcissist is many things, and some of those things may just take you by surprise.

Let’s go through the breakup so you have an idea of what to expect if you decide to do the same.

It’s Been a Long Time Comin’…

I need to send you some kind of honorary sign to begin with because breaking up with a narcissist is one of the hardest things a person can do.

If you’ve been entangled in their abuse for a time, ending that relationship will ignite a mixture of emotions:

  • Relief. This is so overdue!
  • Sadness. Now what?
  • Fear. How do you cope alone? (Spoiler: much better!)

It’s been a long time, and now you are finally cutting off those chains the narcissist kept around you. You’re beginning to see them as weights that kept and held you down, and now youtube to shed them and be yourself all over again.

What’s it really like though? Underneath all of the initial blend of confusing feelings that are going on?

Is the break-up all smooth, or all chaotic?

Breaking Up With a Narcissist: What to Expect

#1 Relief

Well, I suppose it goes without saying that any break up with a narcissist is going to make you feel relieved. If you have been in an abusive situation for a long time, knowing that’s over is going to give you that instant mental and emotional lift. 

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That doesn’t mean it’s all behind you, it just means initially, those dynamics are now different, and you don’t have to remain stuck under their power or influence any longer. 

That ignites relief, but only in you.

#2 Rage

The narcissist is not going to like the break up. It means they no longer have the supply they had so heavily relied upon in the past. You were their main source, and now that’s gone. They panic, and don’t know where to go for it next.

They’re also made at you for the break up. Whether you left them or they left you (the former is more likely), it will resurrect how they really feel about themselves.

Narcissists hate who they are underneath it all. They’re insecure, low and fragile. They’re vulnerable too, and all of those traits they refuse to show the world for fear of them appearing weak. 

They have to be perfect. 

The break up is not perfect, and may start to spark questions in others. 

Why did they break up?

Does this mean the narcissist may not be the nice person they said they were?i

The narcissist panics.

They rage because they’re scared. Scared of life without your supply. Scared of having nobody to control anymore. 

#3 To Lose People Around You

Losing people around you is par for the course, unfortunately. It’s because the narcissist has lined up an army of flying monkeys to have their back should anything happen between the two of you. 

When you break up, they will side with the narcissist, and sympathize with them. It’s exactly what the narcissist wants – to be the victim.

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You’re the bad guy…

#4 To Feel Scared

Leaving a narcissist, after a long time under their power and control, is going to feel quite scary for a time. Being made to feel as if they were the only ones you can depend on will have really secured that attachment to them. It leads to a panicked feeling knowing you’re without them.

If you step into reality, you’ll see there’s nothing to be scared of, and that you’re more than capable of doing this. The only reason you don’t believe that, is because you’ve been manipulated so badly. 

#5 To Feel Guilty

Narcissists will make you feel guilty at the drop of a hat. They’re fantastic at giving you every reason to feel like something was your fault. 

Remember all the times they blamed you for the most ridiculous, small things? Well, now imagine something as big as a break-up. You’re going to feel even more guilty.

Guilty for leaving them. Guilty for being the one to cause all the drama that followed.

Well guess what? You aren’t the cause. 

They are.

Narcissists shift blame because they don’t want it themselves. 

#6 Love-Bombing

It’s possible that narcissists will try and love-bomb their way back into your life. They’ve known you to circle the cycle of abuse for as long as you’ve been in their life, and they hope this time will be no different.

If you want to break up and have no intention of getting back together, that love-bombing has to be ignored and your boundaries applied.

#7 Revenge

The narcissist may come lookin for revenge, and that can unfold in a number of ways.

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They may not stop leaving you alone. You might feel they are hassling you, as they bother you at every opportunity. 

They can also employ people to act on their behalf, and treat you unfairly.

They can contact people you’re close to, and tell them what you really think of them (all lies, of course).

Never put it past a narcissist to try anything to get back at you.

#8 Difficulties Separating Assets/Themselves (Divorce)

If you were married to a narcissist, never expect the divorce to be quick or easy. 

They will be neither.

Divorces are painfully slow, purposely set up by the narcissist to cause you that last ounce of pain and frustration before you part ways. 

They will forget to sign on the dotted line, or claim they are too busy to read over the terms and conditions. 

They will disagree about what you share, and who has what. 

They will constantly try to blame you for being the reason all this is happening in the first place. 

They won’t help you in any way, because they want to look like the person who ‘isn’t initiating this’ – which adds to their victim mentality. 

Narcissists do this to hold you back from starting your new life, and to prove that you cannot do so until they sign you away and let you go.

They’re desperate for your attention, and exceptionally scared to start a new life without you.

YOu leaving confirms to them how unlovable they truly are. Instead of coming to terms with that, they keep you locked down for as long as they can. 

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