When you get to read this, I want you to be aware of one thing:
As of today, there has never been more avenues of therapy for people to explore.
Depending on what you want support with, there is guaranteed to be a therapeutic approach that will work for you.
Narcissistic abuse is so common now that most therapists have extensive knowledge of it – but they all help in various ways.
Knowing the best type of therapy to go for will give you the best chance for healing and recovery.
I believe anybody can recover and heal.
You need to believe it, too.
So, You Finally Get It!
Here you are, finally at the point where you understand what’s been going on. All this abuse has led you to hell and back, and now you want to be able to make sense of it all so you can move on and leave the past where it belongs.
Firmly behind you.
“What Do I Do Now?”
Therapy is a great idea for people who are leaving any kind of narcissistic abuse. You don’t have to have been in a relationship romantically with one. So many people find therapy works after being raised by a narcissistic parent, too.
Knowing that there is a “now” to work on, rather than feeling hopeless, is how you get started.
Let’s Start: What You Need As a Client
One of the first things you really need to ask yourself is, what is it that you need?
As a potential client for a new therapist, you’ll want to have an idea of what you need next.
Is it that you want to be able to appreciate and experience a normal relationship?
Do you want to learn how to be more independent?
Do you need a talking space for your feelings?
Do you want to be able to avoid narcissists in the future?
Maybe it’s most, all, or more of these things.
There’s no right or wrong, but starting off with a little direction means you can start to piece the kind of therapy you need together.
You Need Somebody Who Gets What Narcissistic Abuse Is
And I cannot stress this enough.
Knowing you have a therapist who is solidly clued up on narcissistic abuse is a firm must. They have to know the patterns, the language, the phrases, the feelings – the seriousness of being involved with a narcissist.
His part isn’t up for debate.
You Need Somebody Who Can Move Their Model To Fit You
So you may prefer a trauma-based therapist who works on the CBT model. Or you could find somebody who “likes to use this or that model.”
Models are fine. They are a great stepping-stone type of platform for therapists to work on. But they should never be rigid. Why?
Because people aren’t rigid!
Find a therapist who can take your experiences, and use different approaches for you as you move through your sessions.
This is about you.
Avoid Therapists Keen To Keep Your Relationship Together
You will find the odd therapist who is keen for you to stick with your abuser. They won’t see the abuse for what it is. Instead, they will see two people who should “work at their problems” and “start to try and understand each other more.”
No.
Big no.
Look For Trauma-Informed Therapists
Trauma-informed therapists know trauma well, and they will see what you’ve been through as trauma, too. Knowing this, you will then be able to open up those sessions to really dig for the root of the problem, rather than just micro-managing this particular relationship.
Look For a Therapist Who Understands Grief Widely
Because that’s what people who exit an abusive relationship feel.
Grief.
And I know nobody died – but a part of you died waiting for them to be who you wanted them to be.
And you will be grieving the relationship and person you never really got to have.
You Need a Therapist To See Your Abuse
Narcissistic abuse is prevalent. It happens all over the world. Every day, in every country. Therapists need to start seeing it for what it is, rather than just a person entering their professional space with ‘a few complaints about their partner.’
It’s far more than that.
You need to be seen,
Look For a Therapist Who Understands Cultural Barriers
Narcissistic abuse can happen to anybody.
LGBTQIA+
Religions
Cultures
Races
Age
Social stature.
People from all walks of life are at risk of falling into the type of relationship that leaves your character in tatters. It’s important to find a therapist who is going to understand the path you’ve traveled, and where that path came from.
This is not a ‘one size fits all’ situation.
You Don’t Need a Therapist Who Makes It All About Them
You do not need a therapist who uses every or any opportunity to relay your story back to a personal anecdote of theirs. For that reason and more, not all therapists are going to be a good fit for you.
This is your time – and you’re paying good money to be helped.
Let’s Not Forget Self – Therapy!
Taking away all of the help you will get from seeing a professional – there is an element of self-help that can only come from you. This is what bridges the gaps between your sessions, but more than that, bridges your identity back up.
Self-therapy is where you find yourself in your own time, and how you start to believe in your future again.
Yoga
Yoga has long been proven to be just as beneficial, if not more, mentally than physically.
It’s a slow and steady paced exercise, sent to balance your mind and body, and bring them back together. Only those who have experienced narcissistic relationships will know how disconnected the two elements of the self can feel.
Yoga is proven to lower stress levels and as a result, lower all the detrimental effects stress has on the body. The mental clarity that comes from practicing it regularly can begin to build inner resilience and bring back a little routine into your life.
Meditation
Meditation is one of the best self-therapy tools for mental clarity and calm. If you haven’t tried it, start small. You won’t be able to clear your mind completely of noise and clutter, but you will learn and progress. As you do, you’ll learn how to just let thoughts pass through, rather than hold onto them.
No Contact
Let’s be honest – no contact is going to be the one thing that saves you. You can do everything possible to get over narcissistic abuse, but if you are staying in contact with the narcissist – you are going to find yourself stuck in those dynamics of abuse.
Going no contact takes courage and a strong sense of “no going back.” No contact only works if it is fully applied to your situation. It doesn’t mean checking in on them or their social media accounts every now and then. It also doesn’t mean gracing them with a conversation if they call you.
No contact will give you the space to heal. You want to make sense of everything you’ve been through – and that can only come if you make that space.
