Shutting a narcissist down seems like fun, right?

Imagine that one overly inflated person who has got under your skin for so long now. You want to wipe the smile off their self-centered faces…

…Yet you don’t want the drama. 

Is that even possible?

Well, yes and no. You can shut them down without drama, but not always.

I want to offer you ways to do so that promotes peace (after all … you deserve it for what you tolerate!)

“I Need You to Listen to Me”

Narcissists. Don’t. Listen.

Beyond the fact that they don’t listen, they can’t listen. They don’t know how to. But also just to clarify, they don’t want to hear what you say. It’s either going to be wrong or boring.

When a narcissist is physically told to listen to you, to them, you’ve stepped way out of line. You can be considered crass, abrupt, or even petulant if you dare assert yourself this way.

In truth – it will shut the narcissist down, because they simply won’t know what to do with themselves when you take charge this way. 

“We Will Talk When You’ve Calmed Down”

The beauty here is, the longer the narcissist plays up and protests, the longer they will have to wait.

Wanting to converse with you in this kind of heated moment usually means they have a lot to say about you.

Cutting them off in their tracks means they get nothing from you. No rise, no supply, nothing to fight against. 

And guess what? You’re in control.

“No”

‘No’ to a narcissist is one of the worst things they like to hear. You’re cutting them from something they want.

If it’s you answering back, they won’t get it. They’re left with nothing if it’s wanting you to do something you don’t want to do. 

Narcissists are entitled – they expect everything they want handed to them on a plate. It’s an almost automatic assumption that this will be granted, and when it isn’t, they’re left stumped.

Shutting a narcissist down with no means you get to end something on your terms, not theirs. 

“What Exactly is it You Want Me to Know?”

Watching a narcissist cuss and criticize you, or mock you for something can lead to a great deal of sadness and frustration. You caught them in a certain mood, and you’re the one having to tolerate it. 

What if you dug a little deeper to really find out what’s going on?

Stopping the narcissist from the game they’re trying to play by asking them to cut to the chase will shock them.

With shock usually comes the inability to know what to say or do.

They know you have them figured out. 

“I Don’t Deserve to be Spoken to This Way”

Knowing your worth reminds the narcissist that they can’t determine it. It’s a power we all have, but rarely find the confidence and self-worth to exhibit.

Narcissistic people sometimes run others down to the point where they can barely stand. If you were to speak in alignment with what you deserve – you’ll certainly shut them down.

I would know that you aren’t trying to sound better than the narcissist, but they won’t.

They will assume you are trying to annoy them, but let’s think logically. You’re simply changing how you respond.

The narcissist will be used to speaking to you how they want, regardless of how it makes you feel.

This way, you get to remind them that you won’t put up with it any more. 

“I Have Said What I Want to Say, and I am Not Longer Willing to Discuss This.”

Narcissists love to go over and over the same thing, because they know how effective it is to run you down with repetitive behavior.

The enjoyment they get from watching your frustration grow is second to none – but you can stop this, and shut them down.

Refusing to repeat what has already been said is good. It leaves room for new discussion that the narcissist may not be keen to have. That’s the whole point!

It’s a real boundary to apply when you say you’re unwilling to continue engaging. It tells the narcissist you think the conversation is a waste of time and completely rips them of all power. 

“I Know How I Feel”

Even though they won’t like to hear it, reminding them you know how you feel will do a few things. 

First, it’ll send them the clear message that you will not be a victim to gaslighting. They can try and shift your reality to suit them – but it won’t work – and you will let them know it.

The second is that you will be reminded that you feel how you feel. Confirming it out loud will give your feelings strength – something the narcissist hates.

“I am Aware We Don’t Share the Same Opinion”

Healthy people know that differing opinions are good. If we all thought and acted the same, the world would be a dull place 

Narcissists, however, like you to dance to the beat of their drum. They want you to change your mind or agree with them because by agreeing, you’re complying. 

By reminding the narcissist you don’t share something, it reiterates that you are your own person. 

Exactly as you should be.

“Uh-Huh”

Uh-huh is really golden to use when communicating with a narcissist. You’re there, you’re in the room, you’re responding – but minimally.

Narcissists don’t like minimalism – they want loud. They want tears. They want drama. They want to gossip. They want to lap it all up.

There’es nothing to lap up with a ‘uh-huh.’ By default, you’re completely shutting them down. 

…Nothing at All…

Say something!

Um, how about no?

The silent treatment, when used by the narcissist, is extremely cruel, don’t get me wrong.

But if you are the person being silent, it’s for different reasons. Let them moan and groan and whinge about you or their day.

You carry on doing what you’re doing. If need be, a little nod to let them know you aren’t totally trying to antagonize.

Narcissists want you to be on their side, agree with them, tell them they’re right.

They also love it when you answer back, so they can put you in your place. 

By staying quiet, you’re giving them no supply at all. Without it, they cannot function properly, so you end up leaving them high and dry…

…And one hundred percent shut down. 

7 Narcissist Hobbies that are Instant Red Flags 

Hobbies are great, right? I mean, we all have them. We pass the time doing things we love – and it’s good for the soul.

Narcissists also have hobbies but aren’t always necessarily what you might expect. These hobbies are often for self-gain in different ways than the usual pottery or yoga class.

Nope. These hobbies are huge red flags.

The hobbies of a narcissist are designed to improve and maintain their image solely.

Let’s take a look at 7 hobbies of a narcissist that are instant red flags.

#1 Exterior House Improvements

Wow, what a beautiful house!

I love what you’ve done with the place!

It looks amazing – you’re so talented.

You have such an eye for colors and visions. 

Yadda, yadda. Undoubtedly, anything that involves making improvements to the outside of the house will gain attention from others.

Narcissists love this. They love to be seen up a ladder with a paintbrush or building new fences. Neighbors will be drawn to coming over and asking them questions bout what they’re doing and say things like:

 I don’t know how you find the time to fit it all in.

You’re obviously somebody who takes pride in where they live.

Good on you for wanting to make your home a nice place to live. 

These comments will fill the narcissist with the assurance that they are good people. It will almost be like validation for them – and the narcissist is going to lap up every word.

They don’t actually care about painting. If they could leave it, they would. 

But…

They have an image to maintain.

#2 Lavishly Decorating for Holidays

When the holidays roll around, whatever they may be, the narcissist will want to have the biggest and best decorations imaginable. 

Cutting short of being completely tasteless, they will bring the particular holiday to life and use these decorations to get people excited. Most holiday decorations bring out the inner child in us all. Narcissists love it the most when children’s eyes light up.

Children are some of the most impressionable people on the planet. Their innocent natures just see people for face value, and anyone who smiles and has bright lights or fun decorations outside their house has to be a fun person, too!

#3 Spending Time on Dating Apps “For Fun”

You’re going to cringe at this one, but it’s a fact that narcissists ‘use dating apps for fun.’

Many who are in relationships will openly admit to having them on their phone to their partners because they see it as a hobby.

Narcissists are some of the most judgemental people on the planet. They feel they have the god given right to be able to look at others through a critical lens just because. 

What does that mean for you?

Frequently, you can find them on dating apps, laughing to themselves, maybe even showing you!

Look at this person, who would want them?

Well, they’re far too good for this site.

They’ll tell you it’s fun, but for you, it’ll only make your self-esteem dip. How can someone be so critical of others based on their looks? What does that mean for you?

Having dating apps on their phone is a huge red flag for any spouse. To be so brazen to use them in front of you and treat it like a big joke is really quite insensitive and disturbing.

Narcissists to a tee!

#4 Whatever ‘You’ Like to Do

Mirroring is a classic narcissistic tactic. They tend to jump on your bandwagon of loves, passions and hobbies to get you to think you ‘have everything in common.’

Oh really? I love that band too!

I’ve always been interested in hiking!

I love to take time to meditate every day. It’s so good for my mental health.

Little by little, you will think about how much you are suited. 

Mirroring is actually a way to get you to feel a certain attachment toward the narcissist. It’s helpful to them to know you are invested in them, so the likelihood of you leaving becomes pretty much non-existent. 

Prepare for red flags to fly high when you spot someone loving everything you love. It’s actually nice to meet someone with whom you have one or two mutual hobbies. It’s also nice to know you like different things, so you can maintain your independence and identity. 

Narcissists don’t want that for you. 

#5 Working Out Obsessively 

Exercise is healthy. We are constantly told to keep our bodies and minds as healthy as possible because life, right?

If you meet someone totally obsessed with going to the gym, but beyond that, obsessed with their image in unfathomable ways – watch for what that means. 

It’s good to know that a person is taking care of themselves but not to the point where it’s all they do. Constantly checking themselves in the mirror and loving themselves means deep insecurities exist.

While insecurities don’t solely point to narcissism, they indicate a level of unhealthiness. Red flags are born here. 

The gym isn’t a narcissistic place, but narcissists are known to congregate here because of all the compliments they would receive as a result of constant working out. 

They love the guts, they love the glory. 

#6 Gambling

I don’t want to create a strong link between narcissists and gambling, but there is an addictive link between the two that can be a red flag.

Narcissists have an addictive personality. Their personalities lean heavily to addictions to wealth, power, status or fame. 

Maybe even all!

They exaggerate their achievements and crave admiration and praise from others daily. 

So then let’s look at how addictive this can all be, and how damaging it is to like something such as gambling. 

If you meet somebody who is known for enjoying gambling to the point where they’d consider it a hobby…

It’s time to see it as a red flag. 

#7 Using Their Own Narcissistic Habits Like Hobbies

This one may not appear too obvious at first, but think about it.

We do a lot of what we tend to like, right?

Suppose the narcissist in your life spends a lot of time criticizing, belittling, punishing, exerting their power, and generally being unpleasant. In that case, it will be a red flag you can’t ignore.

Narcissists love to get stuck in other people’s business. They love to ridicule and tear down friends, family, or even strangers and acquaintances. 

They enjoy it so much that barely a moment goes by where they can resist. 

Noticing this really brings out the ugly in that narcissist (if it wasn’t already obviously in vision…)

Look out for these crass displays – and avoid them as a result.