What to Say to a Friend Going Through a Breakup? 7 Things That Help

Last Updated on September 23, 2021 by Alexander Burgemeester

What to Say to a Friend Going Through a Breakup? Anyone who has gone through a breakup knows firsthand how heartbreaking of an experience it can be. Breakups can leave behind a lot of devastation and tears, no matter if the relationship ended in a huge blowout or was an entirely amicable decision between both parties.

Even if you’ve never gone through the heartbreak of ending a relationship yourself, it can still be difficult to watch as your friend is going through a breakup. Watching them hurt and second-guess how amazing they are can leave you wondering what you can do to help alleviate the pain.

While time may heal all wounds, showing your support as a friend is the best way to show them that you’re there for them. 

Reaching out while they’re going through a hard time is the perfect way to show your support. However, you may be wondering what to say to someone who just broke up with their significant other?

After all, it’s a delicate situation, even if you ultimately believe that the end of the relationship was the best decision for them. If you’re struggling with finding the right words to say, here’s what to tell your friend after his/her breakup to help them through this hard time. 

What to Say to a Friend Going Through a Breakup?

There’s no easy way to get over a breakup. As a friend, you have the unique opportunity of being able to console your friend during this hard transition. Here is a list of what to say to someone who broke up with their significant other and is having a hard time coping.

These are the best expressions that will inspire hope, show that you’re there for moral support, and will comfort them during this difficult change. 

What to Say to a Friend Going Through a Breakup

1. “Let yourself feel all the feelings and let your emotions out.” 

One of the most important steps for beginning the healing process is to allow yourself to feel your feelings and grieve. Letting your friend know that they are allowed to feel their feelings and even cry, get angry, and healthily express their emotions in front of you is a great way to show support.

Many people feel ashamed of their feelings, especially after a breakup. However, reminding him/her that there is no reason to be ashamed is one of the greatest ways to show support. 

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2. “Give yourself time to grieve for the relationship.”

One of the biggest mistakes that many people make is thinking that they have to get over the relationship immediately. Reminding them that it’s ok to have hard days and days where it feels like the pain will never end will allow them to acknowledge the time it takes to grieve.

Separating from someone with whom you shared so many good memories and who was a big part of your life is traumatic. Breakup trauma is a real thing and the ending of a relationship can be just as painful as the death of a loved one.

Giving them the space to grieve and feel safe processing for as long as necessary is one of the best ways to comfort them. 

3. “Don’t lose hope.” 

After a bad breakup, it can be so easy to believe that you’ll never fall in love again. Let your friend know that love will be waiting for them again by saying, “Don’t lose hope. It can be easy to feel like everything is hopeless right now, but you will find someone who is as caring and wonderful as you are.

Remember to show up as your best self and never compromise on that.” Helping to keep their faith alive is a great way to keep their spirits high. Reminding them of what an amazing individual they are and how much they have to offer will feel incredibly reassuring. 

4. “This feeling won’t last forever.” 

It can be so easy to lose perspective on a situation when you’re overwhelmed with emotions.

Reminding them that this feeling is temporary and won’t last forever is a great way to bring things back into perspective.

However, make sure to emphasize this from a positive point of view, otherwise, it could feel like you’re not considering your friend’s feelings. 

5. “Having a failed relationship is not a reflection of your worth.” 

Some people equate their self-worth to the success of their interpersonal relationships. When their relationships fail, they see it as a personal failure. This causes them to see themselves as flawed after the breakup.

Remind them of this, “Having a failed relationship is not a reflection of your worth. You are not flawed because this relationship ended.” Even if they believe that they could have done things better, or behaved better, reminding them that they always have the power to change themselves will leave them feeling more confident.  

6. “Each day gets easier, just take it one day at a time.” 

Fixating on the ending of a relationship can start to feel like a never-ending loop of despair. Remembering to take a step back and take it a day at a time helps to bring you back to earth.

If you notice that your friend is having a tough time gaining his/her perspective on this, then be sure to gently remind her. Getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other when it feels like your world is going under is an accomplishment in itself.

Be sure to remind them of that! 

7. “I’m so proud of you.” 

It may feel odd to say, “I’m proud of you,” to your friend after a break-up. After all, it’s not as though they achieved some great accomplishment or graduated from school. But, the saying still has its purpose.

If she had to walk away from a relationship that she knew she was no longer happy in, that takes great strength. Leaving an abusive or overly controlling relationship is another major breakthrough that deserves acknowledgment.

Letting her know how proud you are that she was able to make the tough decision while following her gut will be incredibly encouraging. 

While there are many wonderful ways to comfort someone when they’re going through a hard time, it can also be easy to say the wrong thing. Even though there are no magic words that can take the pain away, there are words that can add to the pain. Here’s what not to say to someone who is going through a breakup.

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Things NOT to say to someone who is going through a breakup

1. “Just move on.” 

It is never helpful to rush someone through their grieving process. As mentioned above, going through a breakup is as painful as having to deal with the death of someone close.

Everyone processes a breakup differently and there’s nothing wrong with taking the time out to examine your feelings and process everything until the pain goes away. Rushing someone to “just move on” makes you seem inconsiderate. 

2. “I never liked him/her anyway.” 

The ending of your friend’s relationship is not the time to air your grievances about their former partner. While it might seem like the perfect opportunity, it may backfire.

If she still has feelings for her ex or is hoping that they might get back together, hearing you talk badly about their ex could put a strain on your friendship. They may even question why you kept this information to yourself all this time instead of speaking up from the beginning.

Either way, it’s not a good way to help them out during such a difficult time. 

3. “You’ll find someone new sooner than you think!” 

In the midst of heartache, the last thing someone wants to think about is finding a new loved one. Bringing up the fact that they’ll meet someone new in no time can come off as dismissive of their feelings.

Mourning a relationship is tough and many times we’re still very much in love with our ex even after the relationship has ended. If your friend’s relationship was stressful, they may even be feeling relieved to be single and may even be looking forward to exploring this new chapter of their life.

Instead, try to show respect for their healing process as they work on themselves through this hard situation. 

4. “I know exactly what you’re going through.” 

When we see someone we care about in pain, our initial reaction is to try to relieve it in any way that we can. Sometimes, we try to accomplish this by relating our personal anecdotes to the situation.

However, while this may certainly be coming from a good place, it’s important to recognize that no two situations are ever exactly the same. You may find that she isn’t entirely receptive to hearing “I know what you’re going through” or “I know exactly how you feel.” Instead, try rewording the phrase to something more empathetic such as “I can only imagine what you’re going through.”

This will help bring them comfort and will help you to avoid making the situation about yourself. 

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5. “Everything happens for a reason.” 

When trying to make sense of the suffering in our world, it’s easy to find ourselves trying to give the pain a higher purpose.

Rationalizing that bad things happen to build our character or bring us to our ultimate destination can get in the way of the healing process. Saying this to your friend after a breakup can come off as insensitive and can feel disempowering.

If everything is predestined then it may feel like we have no control over our lives. It’s best to avoid this loaded phrase when figuring out what to say to someone after a breakup.

5 Things to Text a Friend After a Breakup

Watching your friend go through a gut-wrenching breakup can be hard to bear. It’s even harder if you can’t be there in person for your friend immediately or if your friend has withdrawn a bit after the situation.

If your friendship is long distance or if you just want to check in with them, then sending a text that shows you care and are thinking about them is a great way to make them feel better.

There are plenty of great things you can say, so if you’ve been suffering from writer’s block then here are some fantastic suggestions. 

5 Things to Text a Friend After a Breakup

1. “If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know!” 

It might seem simple, but letting your friend know that you’re there for them is one of the best ways to show support. Sometimes doing simple tasks like food shopping, cleaning, cooking, or even checking the mail can feel overwhelming when you’re going through a breakup.

Let them know that you’re happy to help with everyday tasks and that you’re more than happy to order take-out with them, watch funny movies, and help tidy up if they need it! 

2. “I miss you. Want to spend the day at the spa and recharge from everything?”

After a breakup, it can be tempting to lay around in bed all day feeling down. While this is perfectly normal and it’s important to give our friends the space to grieve, it’s always a great idea to suggest an outing with them.

Scrolling through social media and stalking their ex for updates won’t help them move on. Let them know that you’re down for a relaxing spa day or any kind of activity that you know they’d love. Even if they don’t follow up on the offer, knowing that it’s on the table can be incredibly reassuring. 

3. “Whenever you need to talk, I’m here.”

It’s not always possible to visit your friend in person. No matter if your friendship is long distance or if they’ve been recharging on their own, sending this text will make a huge difference.

Letting them know that you’re only a phone call away lets them know that you’re there, even if it’s not physically. Having someone to talk to when we’re going through a hard breakup is essential to moving past it. 

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4. “Feel free to vent to me. No judgment here.” 

Sometimes after a heartbreak, there’s nothing that feels better than letting all your thoughts out. Venting about the situation can help your friend express everything that’s been sitting heavy within them.

By sending this text you permit them to air out everything, no matter how harsh it might be against their former partner or the situation. 

5. “You are one of the strongest people I know and I do not doubt that you’ll get through this.” 

Send out an encouraging message that confirms what a strong person you know that they are. Letting them know that you believe in their ability to heal from the split up is a great way to lift them when they’re feeling so down. 

How to help a friend who is going through a breakup?

Breakups aren’t easy and the most important thing that you can do as a friend is showing your support. Sharing encouraging words that help lift them out of the dumps is a great way to console them after they’ve had their heart crushed.

While figuring out what to say to someone after a breakup is important, there are also some other great ways to help your friend post-breakup. There’s nothing that can be compared to having your presence around to provide comfort and reassurance.

If you’ve been looking for some practical ways to help your friend out as they navigate through the hurt, here are some awesome tips. 

1. Encourage them to hang out and keep busy

It can be tempting to exile yourself after parting ways with your former partner. However, experts agree that spending too much time alone will actually hinder the healing process.

Every break up is different, so make sure that your friend knows that there’s always an open invitation for them to join in on activities or events. Have they always wanted to take up pottery or take hip-hop dance classes?

Bring up some fun activities that you can do together to help get them out of the house so that they can begin feeling more empowered. As always, there’s a fine line between encouraging someone to hang out and pressuring them to, so be sure to always respect their wishes. 

2. Help them out with any chores or tasks around the house 

Carrying the weight of a breakup can be heavy and overwhelming. The emotional burden alone can make even the simplest of tasks difficult.

If you’re comfortable with it, let your friend know that you’d be happy to go the extra mile for them if they’re having a hard time doing so for themselves. Offering to tidy up their space, doing the laundry, or even running a few errands throughout the week can really help take some of the weight off their shoulders.

Without having to worry about their everyday tasks, your friend can better devote time to healing and mending their broken heart. 

3. Get them a gift 

A breakup gift is a perfect gesture to help get your friend’s mind off their ex. Never underestimate the power of a thoughtful gift that makes them feel special.

You can choose to either get them something that you know they’ve been eyeing or invest in a wellness gift that you know will make them feel cozy. Some great options include a gratitude journal to help motivate them to see the brighter side of things or a soy candle in a scent you know they’ll love.

Splitting up with someone is rough – that’s why a cheerful gift will make them feel a bit better! 

4. Be prepared for ups and downs 

One day they’re doing great and the next day they’re in tears on the kitchen floor. What gives? Processing the end of a relationship is equivalent to the grief associated with someone passing.

Grief can be unpredictable and that’s why some days they seem great while on other days they seem to be breaking down again. As a friend, the best thing that you can do is be there to pick up the pieces when they start to unravel again. Give them a big hug and let them know that they’re safe with you around. 

5. Check in with them – but take hints from them as well 

Having a supportive friend group is key to making it through the ending of a relationship. Your friend will appreciate you taking the time out to check in with them and seeing if they’re doing well.

Reassuring them that you’re going to be there with them through all of this will help them feel safe and supported. However, if you’re worried about overdoing it pay attention to their responses to you or ask them directly if they’d like some more personal space. 

6. If they need professional support, offer to help them find a therapist 

Recovery from a breakup differs from person to person with the average spanning around three months. With this timeline in mind, if your friend’s healing process looks a bit different that’s okay too.

However, if they happen to mention that they’re finding it difficult to move on and are considering seeking professional help, offering to help them find a therapist can be a lovely gesture. Looking for a therapist can be incredibly draining if you’re still dealing with some pretty intense feelings after parting ways with their ex.

A therapist can provide them with a safe and neutral space where they can begin to unpack everything that they’re struggling with. 

7. Help them meet new people

This is one of the most fun stages after a breakup. After all of the pain and healing your friend finally hints that she’s ready to meet someone new. Grab your best outfit and make plans to explore the city. Even meeting new friends is an awesome step for them to take.

Meeting new people exposes you to new experiences and there’s nothing better than growing as a person after a heartbreak. 

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Written by Alexander Burgemeester on

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more? Read my author bio page.

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