First of all … sit down.
Take a breath.
The lies are coming thick and fast, aren’t they? You’re hearing them and your brain is swirling with anger at the injustice.
You wish you could get people to know the real truth – but you’re climbing uphill.
When a narcissist spreads lies about you, there’s a reason. And the lies are so believable.
So what do you do?
Luckily, I can help you here.
Lies Breed Frustration
What are your initial thoughts When you first hear any lies spread about you?
Maybe a friend or relative comes to you and says,
“Hey, I heard something about you, and I’m not really cool with what was said.” Perhaps it’s more, “Sorry, I can’t meet you on Saturday. My plans have changed, and I can no longer see you.” S
uddenly, that’s the last time you see that person, and all because they believe the very convincing lies they heard about you.
- You’re crazy
- You’re abusive
- You lie
- You manipulate
- You cheat
- You get angry easily
- You intimidate
- You are controlling
- You gossip about your friends behind their backs
- You don’t like somebody
- You do like somebody
- You steal
Whatever the lies – you seem to be the only one who understands they are false.
The first thing you’ll feel is intense frustration as you can’t dive in and change the thoughts of those who hear the lies.
How could they think I’d say or do such a thing?
Well, easily if convinced by a narcissist…
You’re Normal to Feel This Way
Of course, it’s totally normal to feel what you’re feeling.
Nobody wants to be talked about, least of all when it isn’t even true.
Narcissists know exactly what they’re doing though, and they know every ounce of your annoyance is an ounce of fuel for them.
Isn’t it childish? I mean, to think a grown person actually gets off lying about other people just seems completely ludicrous to me.
Yet it happens all the time.
Why Do They Do It?!
Well, that all depends on the lie.
Some narcissists like to see you suffer, plain and simple. They know you are sensitive and get upset fairly easily, so a lie will help.
Others know you love justice, and hate thinking about any lie sitting on your shoulders forever.
Some narcissists know that you’ll fight back and cause even more of a scene, attracting negative attention and, eventually, negative opinions of you.
Mostly – they know some people out there will believe those lies – and that’s what they want.
They want your name in the mud.
Giving You What You Don’t Want
It’s what they’re best at, right?!
Narcissists forever give you what you don’t want, all the while promising to give you what you do want.
Yet somehow they get away with it.
Every time I read it on paper, I never truly understand it. Yet I see it. I hear about it. I’ve even experienced it myself!
Lies that turn into opinions are going to leave you wishing you never met the narcissist, but sadly, you can’t go back in time.
What you can do is learn from what happened. How you met, and how you trusted the narcissist. Somewhere along the line, they got to know you and decided to treat you unfairly, and that’s where these lies were born.
It may be through:
- Punishment
- Sheer kicks
- Revenge
- To make themselves look good
Whatever the reason, you need to learn to cope.
Quick Fire Round of Ways to Cope
1. Keep Your Cool
Count to ten.
Go for a hike.
Go visit a friend.
Meditate.
Go swimming.
Hit the gym.
Do whatever it takes to keep your cool. You won’t find any release or comfort in exploding or giving the narcissist what they want.
Remember, part of the reason they’re spreading lies about you is to get you to look like a liar. If you protest too much or start speaking ill of the narcissist, people will assume you’re as bad as they are.
And you’re not!
2. Find Yourself in Your Own Truth
Narcissistic abuse leaves room for people to get lost in confusion a lot of the time, but your truth still exists.
It always has; it’s just been tossed to the side by the narcissist.
Your truth is where you need to be whenever you hear a narcissist spread lies about you. You know the truth, and yes, rather painfully at times, that’s the only place you’re allowed to be.
But guess what? That should be enough.
3. Realize You Can’t Control Other People
It’s probably something you’re already aware of, and you’d never dream of trying to do what the narcissist has been doing with you: controlling you.
However, it is my duty to remind you that control also cannot be claimed when somebody is talking about you. Asking them to stop will only make it worse, in fact, they will know they’re getting right underneath your skin if you try.
Hearing lies being spread about you is hard, I get that. You want to tell that person to stop and think about their actions. You even hope that some kind of moral will surface and encourage them to retract their behavior, but no.
It’s just something you need to accept is happening, and that you kindly ask them not to spread lies will not stop them from spreading.
4. Find Strength in Loved Ones
It seems like such an obvious one, doesn’t it?
Speak to the people you love.
I want to make sure you know how poisonous narcissists can be though, I mean truly.
Some of you will be lucky to have any trusted friends or family around if the narcissist is particularly evil.
Speaking to people you love or trust can allow you to let it all out.
Tell people your frustrations, and allow space for them.
Ies are unpleasant, and when they get under your skin, you want revenge and to react.
Don’t.
Just keep talking and using your voice to soothe and aid those annoyances away.
5. Keep Smiling
The more you react negatively, the more positively the narcissist is going to feel.
Remember—this isn’t about you. This is about them. They want and need your tears and emotions. They can’t survive long without stealing your radiance and light.
Spreading lies about you is bound to make you react in ways you may later regret. That doesn’t mean you have to fade your smile just to color their world.
Take it from me – a smile can be the best revenge.