First of all … sit down.
Take a breath.
The lies are coming thick and fast, aren’t they? You’re hearing them and your brain is swirling with anger at the injustice.
You wish you could get people to know the real truth – but you’re climbing uphill.
When a narcissist spreads lies about you, there’s a reason. And the lies are so believable.
So what do you do?
Luckily, I can help you here.
Lies Breed Frustration
What are your initial thoughts When you first hear any lies spread about you?
Maybe a friend or relative comes to you and says,
“Hey, I heard something about you, and I’m not really cool with what was said.” Perhaps it’s more, “Sorry, I can’t meet you on Saturday. My plans have changed, and I can no longer see you.” S
uddenly, that’s the last time you see that person, and all because they believe the very convincing lies they heard about you.
- You’re crazy
- You’re abusive
- You lie
- You manipulate
- You cheat
- You get angry easily
- You intimidate
- You are controlling
- You gossip about your friends behind their backs
- You don’t like somebody
- You do like somebody
- You steal
Whatever the lies – you seem to be the only one who understands they are false.
The first thing you’ll feel is intense frustration as you can’t dive in and change the thoughts of those who hear the lies.
How could they think I’d say or do such a thing?
Well, easily if convinced by a narcissist…
You’re Normal to Feel This Way
Of course, it’s totally normal to feel what you’re feeling.
Nobody wants to be talked about, least of all when it isn’t even true.
Narcissists know exactly what they’re doing though, and they know every ounce of your annoyance is an ounce of fuel for them.
Isn’t it childish? I mean, to think a grown person actually gets off lying about other people just seems completely ludicrous to me.
Yet it happens all the time.
Why Do They Do It?!
Well, that all depends on the lie.
Some narcissists like to see you suffer, plain and simple. They know you are sensitive and get upset fairly easily, so a lie will help.
Others know you love justice, and hate thinking about any lie sitting on your shoulders forever.
Some narcissists know that you’ll fight back and cause even more of a scene, attracting negative attention and, eventually, negative opinions of you.
Mostly – they know some people out there will believe those lies – and that’s what they want.
They want your name in the mud.
Giving You What You Don’t Want
It’s what they’re best at, right?!
Narcissists forever give you what you don’t want, all the while promising to give you what you do want.
Yet somehow they get away with it.
Every time I read it on paper, I never truly understand it. Yet I see it. I hear about it. I’ve even experienced it myself!
Lies that turn into opinions are going to leave you wishing you never met the narcissist, but sadly, you can’t go back in time.
What you can do is learn from what happened. How you met, and how you trusted the narcissist. Somewhere along the line, they got to know you and decided to treat you unfairly, and that’s where these lies were born.
It may be through:
- Punishment
- Sheer kicks
- Revenge
- To make themselves look good
Whatever the reason, you need to learn to cope.
Quick Fire Round of Ways to Cope
1. Keep Your Cool
Count to ten.
Go for a hike.
Go visit a friend.
Meditate.
Go swimming.
Hit the gym.
Do whatever it takes to keep your cool. You won’t find any release or comfort in exploding or giving the narcissist what they want.
Remember, part of the reason they’re spreading lies about you is to get you to look like a liar. If you protest too much or start speaking ill of the narcissist, people will assume you’re as bad as they are.
And you’re not!
2. Find Yourself in Your Own Truth
Narcissistic abuse leaves room for people to get lost in confusion a lot of the time, but your truth still exists.
It always has; it’s just been tossed to the side by the narcissist.
Your truth is where you need to be whenever you hear a narcissist spread lies about you. You know the truth, and yes, rather painfully at times, that’s the only place you’re allowed to be.
But guess what? That should be enough.
3. Realize You Can’t Control Other People
It’s probably something you’re already aware of, and you’d never dream of trying to do what the narcissist has been doing with you: controlling you.
However, it is my duty to remind you that control also cannot be claimed when somebody is talking about you. Asking them to stop will only make it worse, in fact, they will know they’re getting right underneath your skin if you try.
Hearing lies being spread about you is hard, I get that. You want to tell that person to stop and think about their actions. You even hope that some kind of moral will surface and encourage them to retract their behavior, but no.
It’s just something you need to accept is happening, and that you kindly ask them not to spread lies will not stop them from spreading.
4. Find Strength in Loved Ones
It seems like such an obvious one, doesn’t it?
Speak to the people you love.
I want to make sure you know how poisonous narcissists can be though, I mean truly.
Some of you will be lucky to have any trusted friends or family around if the narcissist is particularly evil.
Speaking to people you love or trust can allow you to let it all out.
Tell people your frustrations, and allow space for them.
Ies are unpleasant, and when they get under your skin, you want revenge and to react.
Don’t.
Just keep talking and using your voice to soothe and aid those annoyances away.
5. Keep Smiling
The more you react negatively, the more positively the narcissist is going to feel.
Remember—this isn’t about you. This is about them. They want and need your tears and emotions. They can’t survive long without stealing your radiance and light.
Spreading lies about you is bound to make you react in ways you may later regret. That doesn’t mean you have to fade your smile just to color their world.
Take it from me – a smile can be the best revenge.
How To Outsmart The Narcissist?
Outsmarting a narcissist might seem like something you would never be able to do.
Think of all those times that toxic person has made you feel small, or even nothing. The idea of outsmarting them won’t come naturally to you, right?
Wrong!
You can absolutely outsmart a narcissist. They won’t see it coming, they won’t see you coming – and it will be a shock to their narcissistic system!
Finding ways to outsmart a narcissist can be fun, and it will put you right back in control of your life.
So, let’s see a show of hands to see who’s with me?
Narcissists: The Truth Behind the Mask
Narcissists!
You’ve likely encountered them at some point in your life, right? That’s why you’re here!
Narcissists walk into a room and act like they own it, even if they’ve just walked into your kitchen. It’s incredibly frustrating.
Masters at creating a toxic air of confidence and superiority, narcissists hide behind their mask. Behind it all? Insecurity and neediness!
You know it well, I’m certain!
Narcissists can be charming and persuasive when they want to be.
They’re also incredibly convincing at it.
But don’t be fooled.
Their charm is a well-rehearsed act designed to get what they want, whether from you or from others.
They thrive on control and manipulation, and will do what it takes to continue this weird game of human chess they are experts at.
Understanding the core of a narcissist is crucial for all of us – especially you.
Beneath all charm and smiles, they are often fragile. They fear their true selves being exposed – and they do all they can so that doesn’t happen.
This fragility makes them dangerous, but it also makes it possible to outsmart them.
Once you know what exactly is lurking behind the mask, you’ll be much better equipped to deal with their toxic tactics.
They Think They’re So Clever!
Narcissists believe they are the smartest person in the world, and nobody else compares even marginally.
They convince themselves of this, and do their best to convince others too.
They use their quote-on-quote “intelligence” to dominate conversations and situations, which only makes others feel inferior. Is this a familiar story to you?
It is to so many people, sadly.
The narcissist has a deep sense of superiority, which acts as a double-edged sword.
Yes, it fuels their confidence and bravado. But also, it makes them vulnerable to being outsmarted. If you think about it, anybody can outsmart them, and it certainly doesn’t take much at all.
Their arrogance blinds them to their own weaknesses, which can backfire on them!
What does this mean? Well, it means the narcissist can sometimes really underestimate others.
Good news for you though – as this overconfidence is where you can find your edge.
Dealing with a narcissist requires more than just holding your ground; it’s about understanding their playbook and using their own tactics against them. They think they’re so clever, but with a little knowledge and strategy, you can turn the tables.
You? Really? …
Yes! Really!
You’re here because you’ve had enough of the narcissist’s mind games, right?
Outsmarting them is now a healthy option for you, and you should definitely do all you can to do it.
If the narcissist is your friend, boss, family member or lover – the time has come to regain control and peace of mind.
You’re so not alone.
Many people struggle with how to handle narcissists effectively.
The key?
Outsmart them!
Let’s get to the good bit…
How to Outsmart a Narcissist
#1 Be Firm – Set Your Boundaries!
Narcissists are known to thrive on pushing limits, no matter who they belong to. Oh yes, expect boundaries to be constantly tested. They will look for your weakness and then exploit them, until now, that is!
The first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to get your boundaries as firm and clear as possible. This means being completely transparent about behavior you will accept, and what behavior you won’t.
Don’t stop short at setting boundaries, you have to enforce them too. When that narcissist attempts to walk all over them, you have to calmly and consistently push back.
Make your language clear – and assertive. No, they won’t like it, but hey, this isn’t about them anymore, is it? The less emotion you apply, the better. After all, narcissists feed off any kind of reaction.
Composure is key, just like consistency.
#2 “Gray Rock”
The gray rock method is such an empowering tool when dealing with any narcissist.
The idea of gray rock is to make yourself as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible.
You might think that sounds easy but it does take a little practice to get it just right.
Remember, narcissists crave drama and seeing you act ‘overly-emotional.’ By being boring and unengaging, you deny them that very satisfaction they seek.
Bingo!
When they try to provoke you, be bland. Be the human equivalent of vanilla.
Avoid showing anger, frustration, excitement – any of it. Over time, they are strongly likely to lose interest in trying to manipulate you because you’re not giving them the fuel they need.
You’ve become so boring!
No…. I am just doing my best to outsmart your attitude…
#3 Deflection – Master It!
Narcissists love to put you on the spot – it’s their attempt to make you feel uncomfortable.
One way to tackle this is to master what I like to call the art of deflection.
Whenever they try to criticize or undermine you, that’s when you redirect the conversation. Ask them a question that shifts the focus back onto them or onto a neutral topic.
I’ll give you an example.
They criticize your decorating work at home (how predictable, right?)
Now you respond with, “Interesting point. What do you think about the weather lately?”
It sounds crazy, but it really throws them off and totally stops them in their tracks.
#4 Information is Preparation!
Ah yes, narcissists will often use misinformation and lies to manipulate everybody else.
You can outsmart them here by being well-informed and prepared. Do your research, re-check facts, and even have evidence to back it all up.
Many people I know have been known to write down information or revert to old texts for screenshots to prove their points.
This will all reduce the narcissist’s ability to use deception against you.
This is all about concrete information – and who can argue with the facts?
#5 Gather Your Support System
It’s not uncommon for narcissists to isolate their victims to assert themselves and gain more control.
You can maintain a strong network of people you love and trust. Seek support from anybody you know who may understand the situation you’re in, and who can provide advice.
Encouragement is also heavily advised here!
Having that crucial support system will help you stay grounded in your reality. When a narcissist is trying their best to get to you, you have people you can rely on to turn to.
Let’s start unlock that potential!
