What Really Makes A Narcissist Panic Inside

If you always look at the cake you’ll never see the flour.

In order to see the flour, you must be able to look past the product and its density.

Seeing panic within a narcissist is not much different. Yeah, there they are, a product of their own over-inflated, ugly ego. But where’s the panic that they’re made up of?

Because let’s be brutal here – narcissists aren’t made of love and compassion!

If you want to see the panic inside, you have to know what really makes a narcissist panic inside. 

I will give you a little disclaimer:

It’s pretty laughable.

Red Alert!

Oh my God. We have a Code P situation going on.

No I don’t mean I need to find the nearest bathroom, I am talking about:

PANIC!

The air changes, doesn’t it? It fills with a thickness that can take your breath away, and it’s all coming from the narcissist. 

They’re panicking and trying hard to hide the feeling, so what happens typically is some form of steam will eject from their ears as they try to hold it in.

Okay, I obviously don’t mean real steam, but I do mean real energy shifts take place. 

When that inner panic button is pressed inside the narcissist, only they will know what that feels like. We have to deal with what that looks like for the rest of us.

From that, our own feelings stir. 

Seeing a Narcissist Panic

Once you really recognize the narcissist is panicking, you will know straight away.

Cutting through the following extra layers of emotion and presentation will become easier and easier.

For now, let me break it down for you.

Panic looks like:

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Rage

I mean real rage. Suddenly, all control the narcissist usually thrives on having is taken away.

They hate this change – it means they are at the mercy of something or someone.

Rage can be blaming you, shouting, intimidating, threatening, accusing, projecting, spreading lies about you – whatever it takes to produce results that hide their panic.

Panic is a weakness to them! They can’t be seen to be flustered!

Being overly friendly

They have some damage control to do if they need to get out of their problem quickly.

This could look like making a mistake at work, and needing a day or two to hide all evidence.

If they have to be sickly sweet to somebody for that to happen, they will.

Block

They block the people they feel panicked by because they feel threatened.

Their masculinity or femininity has been called upon, and so they have no other option but to block, hoping the issue then resolves itself. 

Where Does The Panic Come From?

Most narcissistic panic comes from losing control.

I’ll tell you a true story of a friend who has a narcissistic father and older brother. I’ll call her Sasha.

Sasha had been no contact with her father and brother for several years.

She had sent a few messages to her father only when there was damage or faults to the house he still owned with her mother (he lived in an apartment across town, which they also jointly owned and were going through separation).

One day, the boiler broke in Sasha’s mum’s house. No hot water. No heating.

She called on her still-husband – a plumber – to come take a look. He did, and said he “fixed it,” only for it to break completely the next day.

Sasha’s mum went to look at the boiler, only to realize that it had a water leak.

The wall was damp and moldy – it was a hazard. Whenever she knew her dad was out of town, Sasha let her son stay at the house, as did both her brothers.

Some had respiratory issues, and it could have been dangerous, so she texted her father to tell him how negligent he was. 

Before she knew it, Sasha’s mum had received a text from her father that wasn’t nice at all, followed by an enraged phone call from her older brother.

He threatened Sasha via their mum with a restraining order, and told their mum what a narcissist Sasha was, wishing she was dead for daring to text and blame their father.

Sasha had no contact with either of them, and in the past year only sent two texts to her father if something in the house was hazardous.

Every time, her father would call the brother and lay on the drama. Together, they worked each other’s anger up, and the threats to Sasha came in thick and fast. 

Hearing this story brought me to several conclusions.

Sasha’s Father and brother were narcissists. They exuded the classic signs of inner weakness and insecurity, and hid these traits by overasserting their masculinity by using threats.

Her brother in particular was weak, and should have spoken up about the damage.

Instead, Sasha did, and it likely made her otherwise masculine brother feel inadequate. So he took it out on Sasha.

He panicked. So did her father. Their shoddy work over time was non-existent, and the boiler was purposely neglected. 

And now people know about that. 

So, what do they do?

They project.

Losing You/Losing Supply

If a narcissist feels like they’re losing you, the panic will come from the correct assumption that they won’t have anywhere to source their supply. 

Losing you means losing what they’ve gotten used to over time, and now they will have to find a replacement – and fast.

Panic stations!

The cycle of abuse is ending – and you’re ending it. They try and try to keep you, to no avail. 

This is the main reason why narcissists panic on the inside. They are never prepared for this.

They’re always under the assumption that you’re going to stay around and be the obedient victim they carve you out to be, but life doesn’t always work out the way you think it will.

As soon as you start doing these things, the narcissist will hit panic:

• Developing new friendships
• Starting a new job
• Finding a new hobby
• Getting out and about more
• Reaching out to family and friends for days out
• Caring less and less about what they think
• Not listening to them when they yell at you
• Not paying any attention to their silent treatment

What are you doing?

How dare you try to live your life!

When Panic Is All On The Inside

Narcissists tend to hide panic because it is another way to hide reality – something they’re very used to. 

If what other people can’t see isn’t being picked up on, then it doesn’t exist.

Except it does exist. And it exists in other ways that isn’t ‘panic.

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.