Well well, look who just rocked up with a new partner?
Your narcissistic ex!
Before you start writing out the much-needed sympathy card for their new target, you might want to consider what’s already being said about you.
You’re going to be pinned up on the wall of shame and horror for things you haven’t done.
Everything will be exaggerated.
You will be mistaken.
There is undoubtedly a list of information – false or real – the narcissist will offer their new partner.
And I just so happen to have a copy of it, just for you.
Just When You Think You’re Free
The time came where you waved goodbye to the narcissist in your life.
You’ve wanted to do this for quite some time, and finally your future is looking bright.
It isn’t long before the narcissist meets somebody else, and soon enough the cycle starts up all over again with them. It’s not your problem – luckily.
But it does become your problem when your name enters their mouth.
The Sigh of Relief is Fleeting
Before you fully exhale that sigh of relief – consider the facts.
Fact 1: The narcissist hasn’t forgotten about you.
Fact 2: The narcissist wants revenge, and will punish you in any way they can.
Fact 3: You don’t get to control your character when conveyed to their new partner.
Like I said, the sigh of relief is fleeting.
The New Partner
And so we go into what the narcissist’s new partner will hear.
Remember – at this stage – they’re like little bear cubs thrown into the lion’s den.
They’re vulnerable, and they will listen to the noise. They don’t know you, and if they do, they will be convinced the version they know isn’t the real you.
My Ex…
“…Hurt Me”
You won’t be there to defend yourself, but let it be known that you will be pinned on the “Wanted” wall for many reasons. Number one will be how you hurt your ex.
No, it won’t be true, and you will know that. You’ll be acutely and painfully aware of the truth in fact, but that won’t stop the lies.
The narcissist knows exactly what to say to make any situation shine the light of innocence on them and not you.
They will throw you and anybody else under the moral bus if it means they’re seen as the victim, therefore off the hook.
“…Left Me”
Again – it’s probably untrue, but if you did leave them, you’d likely reach your tipping point and end the relationship due to the toxic nature of it.
Nobody walks away from somebody they love without good reason, but narcissists don’t love. They play and use.
If you were left, the narcissist would erase that from their minds and turn the tables on you.
What that looks like is huge amounts of sympathy. Narcissists want and need that, especially from new people they encounter, who they have a clean slate with.
“…Is Crazy”
You were never the crazy one. You wanted to meet somebody to love, trust, and spend time with. No part of you wanted drama, shouting, or any other kind of abuse.
It is with heavy intent a narcissist acts, and that heavy intent hurts you.
Now you’re no longer together; nothing is stopping the narcissist from telling their new partner that you were the crazy one.
This deflects from the truth and acts to be a mask the narcissist is able to hide behind. If they cannot be suspected, they can get away with their game playing for much, much longer.
“…Is a Narcissist”
Ah, that old chestnut!
It’s a favorite of the narcissist, because it delivers an exact personal diagnosis of you from somebody who they know spent a lot of time with you.
The new partner will believe them because they’re the expert on you, right? They know everything about you, and more importantly, their experiences are valid.
But you know what really happened. You know what you went through.
I know what you’re thinking.
How dare they flip the script like this? How dare they convince somebody new and innocent that you’re the problem?
The very thing you’ve been trying to convince yourself that you’re not.
It doesn’t seem fair – but nothing about narcissists is fair.
“…Used To Get So Jealous”
Did you, though?
Unlikely.
The reason you’re going to have the target of envy on your back is because then it can’t be hung on the back of the narcissist. If you display jealousy, they can’t.
Are you starting to see how this works now? You aren’t going to be given a chance to breathe or think honestly.
The narcissist is painting a picture of you, and it looks nothing like you.
Their new partner will know no different.
“…Is a Liar”
Are you, though? I mean, you know you’re not.
The new partner will only believe what they’re told, and you must realize that will never work in your favor.
Somebody has to be the liar, and it can’t be the narcissist.
“…Will Do Anything To Come Between Us”
The narcissist likes to point you out as a threat for a few reasons.
- They want to still think they’re in demand, so the new partner feels lucky to have them.
- They like to see two people being pitted against each other.
- They enjoy creating drama that doesn’t exist, just for their pleasure.
- They want you to still be in their life somehow, so they can still play with your feelings and bring you down.
Don’t buy into it.
“…Still Loves Me”
Hmmm… Do you? You know what? Even if you do still harbor some feelings (and those are likely to be more attachments rather than feelings), it won’t matter if they’re seeing somebody else.
In time, you will get over everything that happened between you, and meet somebody else who makes you feel loved and special.
This should not be a reason for you to play the role of they no longer love me and my heart is broken.
Nobody is worth that.
“…Used to Criticize Me”
If only you could shine a light on the truth, here. The world would be a much better palace.
Except you can’t.
The new partner will become the latest victim, and in time they will realize this, along with all the other lies told about you, is how the narcissist controls and manipulates.
Any criticism will be discovered eventually, and you won’t be held guilty or responsible when their relationship crumbles…
…And it will crumble.
