You should never sit in the seat of certainty when it comes to any narcissist. You will never be there for long, because you were instead destined for confusion.
Narcissists think and act differently, depending on their mood that day. If they feel like it, they will be nice. If they’re nice, it’ll be because they want something from you.
If they’re not nice, it’s because they need your supply. They like to see you suffer.
Knowing what they really think about you will give you an idea of their true character…
…And it’s not good.
#1 You Think You Know Them?
Nobody ever really knows the narcissist. The only person who knows them is them.
I don’t think it’s ever really wise to assume you know everything there is to know about somebody so toxic.
After all, they love to change the goalposts so much that as soon as you feel you have them pegged, they change and shift the tides to suit themselves.
The same can be said for what they really think about you.
#2 Living Your Best Life, Until…
They come along!
It’s the same with all narcissists. You’re happy until you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into.
Isn’t it a shame to think that the narcissist, somebody who claims to have your best interests at heart, treats you the way they do?
How can somebody who says such loving things never ever prove that love in any healthy way at all?
#3 Underneath Their Act Lies Jealousy
It’s okay to be a little envious in life. It’s a natural response to somebody having what you would love to have.
For example, your friend could have bought themselves a new holiday cabin with a view.
Darn. I would love that. I am so envious you get to go there!
That’s where it ends, though, right?
I mean – you have a choice. You can work hard to earn the money for one. You can ask to stay there if you paid your way for the week.
Narcissists don’t get envious – they rage with jealousy.
They detest all the good in the lives of others and will resent you for what you have.
Is that normal?
Nope!
Is that right?
Absolutely not!
#4 “Look At You, All Happy. That’ll Have To Stop…”
They hate your happiness. It acts like a plague on them. They want to cut it off as quickly as they can, so they’ll do what it takes to ensure any joy is fleeting.
How dare they smile and have things go their way?!
The confusing part for you is that you think they love you. You automatically think they’ll be happy when you receive good news, but it couldn’t be further from the truth.
Any happiness is bound to come from something or somebody other than them. That’s a major threat. How could you allow that?!
Derailing your happiness can take various forms: mocking you until you stop, criticizing you until you no longer believe in yourself, or shaming you until guilt about your own happiness eats you up.
I could go on forever.
Imagine being around somebody who loathes seeing you content that much.
#5 “I Can Get Away With Anything!”
Forgiveness is an act undertaken by people who can see the bigger picture. They want peace and understand that people make mistakes.
Asking for forgiveness can alter how you view your mistakes if that forgiveness will be abused later on.
Those genuine in being sorry know they will not repeat what they did to hurt the other person. That’s how it generally goes, right?
Narcissists don’t care. They truly don’t. They will repeatedly offend, time and time again.
They know they’ve got several love-bombing tricks up their sleeves that have proven very efficient.
There’s no reason why those things won’t work all over again.
And you know what? All the while you continue to forgive, they will continue to offend.
#6 They Don’t Love You
I know it’s a tough pill to swallow. Knowing you aren’t loved takes a lot of hard work because, for the most part, you feel in complete denial.
Of course, they love me. They tell me they do.
I know they love me. They wouldn’t have taken me on that expensive trip if they didn’t.
You learn the value of love to only be at the currency the narcissist sets.
Love isn’t a currency. It doesn’t ebb or flow. It remains.
I know it’s hard to admit to be true. All that emotional work you put into the relationship. All the ways you were vulnerable and shared your life with them.
I speak truthfully when I tell you it was all a ploy to get you to play their game.
#7 Threatened By Your Success…
If a narcissist sees your success, they’re going to want and need to put a stop to it immediately.
Your success can be compared to a competition you don’t even realize you’re in. You’re exceeding, and the judges have their eye on you.
Only the narcissist is also taking part, and the judges aren’t even looking their way at all.
The anger. The resentment. The envy. It will all spill over the surface.
So, what does the narcissist do? When nobody is watching, they will sabotage what you are making or creating so that you fall down in the competition rankings. They may even steal what you have and use it for themselves.
That’ll get them noticed!
They can’t stand to see you getting the attention. To them, you don’t deserve happiness because it isn’t something they’re personally gaining for themselves.
What a dangerous and toxic trait to have, right?
Well… welcome to the world of narcissists.
#8 …Pleased When You Fail!
The party poppers would be popping constantly if the narcissist had their way. When you fail, it’s not something they necessarily or overtly laugh about (although that can happen).
Instead, they will quietly smirk in the corner of a darkened room. They don’t want others to see their joy, but that won’t stop them from feeling it.
You’d think somebody who claimed to care about you would be falling over themselves with concern if you are down, sad, failing, or having a terrible day.
Nope.
Narcissists love it. They love seeing you fall because when you do, you land at the bottom of the heap, exactly where the narcissist resides.
Knowing they have company makes them feel better, and seeing your misery or disappointment will ensure a huge grin is plastered all over their faces—difficult to wipe off.
What Happens When Narcissists Realize You Are on to Them?
Okay, I‘m going to warn you right from the very start…
If you are ever onto a narcissist:
They will show you a side of them even YOU would never have dreamed of seeing.
I hope you’re ready for that, because let me just say, things are going to get interesting.
You’ll see it all, but luckily, you cannot unsee anything once you start seeing it.
That mask has been well and truly on for all this time, and suddenly, as it slips, you begin to wake up…
…What happens now?
I’ve got the answers for you, right here.
The Thing to Know About Narcissists…
Narcissists are so far removed from reality that you being onto them alone won’t be enough.
They won’t gather your suspicions and run with them because they’re so in their own head that they will fail to notice.
What really gets the narcissists attention is when you change. People do this after they’ve seen the narcissist’s true colors.
They start to act differently and they also treat the narcissist differently too.
What used to be a people pleaser has turned into a guarded, stronger character, and narcissists hate that.
They cannot stand somebody offering them a different version of themselves they’re used to.
You might present:
- In a way that stands your ground. You won’t budge just because the narcissist has demanded you do.
- You no longer do what they say. You won’t if they want you to stop talking to that person. It’s not up to them, after all.
- Your reality becomes clearer. All the times they have tricked you into confusion are now in the past.
- You begin to see the bigger picture opening up before you. All the abuse becomes clear.
When Narcissists Know You See Through Them
Narcissists will know you see through them as soon as you stop giving them what they need.
Remember, they crave everything good in you, but they steal it from you. Once taken, they will never return it, just continue to sap it from you.
Realizing you are not a maple tree, you awaken, and everything changes.
I mean everything.
You’re finally putting yourself in harm’s way no more, and the narcissist becomes frustrated.
The difference now is that they are no longer able to use the usual tricks to get a response from you.
The techniques they once had up their sleeve are going to be deemed useless if the person receiving them has their eyes wide open.
The frustration for them will become very real, very quickly
Caught in the Act: What Now For You?
When a narcissist realizes you’re onto them, it’s as if you’ve caught them in the act. You begin to understand that all the ways they would abuse or belittle you were nothing to do with you.
It was everything to do with them.
What does this mean for you?
It means you get your freedom back. It means you get to pull back the control they’ve taken from you over time.
What could be more liberating than knowing you have released yourself from this painted belief that you’re the problem?
It will be a great time for you to get to the other side of the abuse, and start to piece the puzzle together.
The narcissist won’t enjoy it – but hey – it’s not about them anymore!
How Narcissists Respond to Being Uncovered
Narcissists are initially so frustrated when you blow their cover. Realizing you’ve changed is never going to work for them, because they can’t undo what you’ve learned.
The narcissist will find it impossible to claw back the submissive person who did as they were told, and acted in a way that kept them in control.
Their mind will start to spin out as they watch you:
- Figure out their lies
- Understand their deceit
- Realize the extent they were gaslighted
- Watch them closely, making them undoubtedly uncomfortable
- Work on making your own self stronger again
Where the narcissist was once able to move people around and play them like a game of chess, the dynamics change completely.
All it takes to break the dynamics is one person figuring them out. It’s like pulling one card from a house of cards, and seeing it all fall down.
You are that card, and you have pulled yourself out of the equation.
Now comes the consequences.
How Narcissists Handle Being Found Out
It’s natural for a narcissist to feel on guard when they’re found out. They notice and sense the change, and they are now wondering how to make it all ‘normal’ for them again.
How they handle you finding out is quite interesting.
Anger
The narcissist is angry that now you are unreachable. You’ve checked out, and you’re nothing but disengaged to their tactics.
It’s like you were once a fire that has now burned out. No matter how many times they poke you, you’re not going to start up again.
This enrages them.
Denial
If you were to start speaking up about what you realize, you’d probably have a little fun watching them deny any wrongdoing and potentially even turn it around on you.
Narcissists deny through sheer panic. They don’t want to be found out, and they don’t want you to ruin the perfect image they’ve spent years building.
Narcissists deny when they have nowhere else to go. If you are showing them a version of themselves that’s far from ideal – they don’t want to see it. Even if it’s true, they don’t want to face seeing the ‘real’ them.
That’s the person they can’t stand.
Discard
So … Here it comes ….
The discard. You’re no good to them anymore. They don’t want you around. You’re useless.
Your supply has dried up. You know the real them. They can’t fool or trick you into believing their lies.
Your yesterday’s news, so any relationship is going to now be no relationship.
Once they’re through with you, the next aim is to find the next ‘you.’
Revenge
Sometimes, yes, the narcissist sees you as somebody who needs a little calculated revenge thrown their way.
For all the times you have rattled their cage and questioned their games – you now get the treatment.
The smear campaign.
It is not above the narcissist’s station to tell people what a troublemaker you are. How good you are at lying and the untrue rumors you spread about them.
The narcissist will be believed because they’re so good and manipulating situations in their favor.
You should consider it your punishment for daring to be onto the narcissist!
Are Narcissists Evil?
When you encounter a narcissist, your first thought isn’t going to be how evil they are.
Why would it be?
They’re charming. They’re attentive. They call you and want to see you. They promise you all kinds of crazy things.
The bait develops into a bite, and suddenly they’re reeling you in.
But… When does the evil show? Does it even exist?
In your own experience, can you tell me if you know any narcissists who are truly evil?
I hear you!
First Off…
Alright. I want you for a second to think about any of the narcissists you’ve previously encountered.
Get a clear image of them in your head (bleurgh…), and ask yourself:
Was this person ever nice?
You’ll answer yes. Because they were.
Over time and very gradually, narcissists move like tectonic plates around new people. They move so slowly, you don’t even feel like the ground below you is even moving.
You feel safe, secure, and loved. You’re happy, they pay you lots of compliments, and their absolutely encapsulating nature blindsides you.
Narcissistic Earthquake
Suddenly, the ground starts rumbling. You stop what you’re doing, confused at how unsteady everything below you feels.
You thought you were safe.
Now there are cracks in your foundation, and weaknesses in your structure.
The narcissist earthquake strikes.
Bad behavior.
Belittling.
Gaslighting.
Triangulation.
You feel isolated from loved ones.
Your confidence is plummeting.
Your self-esteem erases entirely.
It begins.
We rarely have time to ask that one important question in the midst of such a change to our previously steady worlds.
Am I in the presence of evil?
How Could Anybody Be So…
Right.
Well, it’s hard to imagine anybody having the ability to be so underhand: sly, crooked, unkind, egoistical, self-centered, dismissive, fragile.
When a narcissist is all of those things plus so much more, you can equate them to having a really evil undertone.
The conscience they don’t have when they manipulate you or others.
The way they enjoy creating and watching conflict unfold while maintaining it’s “nothing to do with them” cannot be anything short of such a thing.
Narcissists Look For A Certain Someone
Narcissists know who they are looking for. They don’t zone in on strong, self-assured characters they know they can’t break. Also people they avoid are the ones who know narcissism (perhaps those who have had that experience and can spot them).
They’re looking for a soft target. Somebody with the potential to forgive a thousand times. A person who always sees the good in others. An empathic soul, who can give the narcissist what they need.
Themselves.
Have you ever asked yourself, “Why does the narcissist only utilize their control and power over certain people?”
It’s because they know what they’re looking for. They have a list of criteria you must meet for them to feel you can provide something for them.
The Pick and Choose
When people come to me for advice about narcissists, they often say, “But they aren’t like this in front of anybody else.”
What I need you to understand about abusers is – they pick and choose their moods.
If a person can be overly, sickly sweet, nice to somebody in public, and then leave that event with you a different person – something’s up.
Underneath that swift change, there is intent—intent to appear nice to everybody else but to put all their toxicity into being alone with you. If a person is in control of that, they are in control of what they’re doing.
So much so, in fact, that it becomes nothing but a game to them. A way to use everyone they know as pawn pieces in their huge life game of chess.
How Can Destruction Not Be Evil?
Narcissists are known to pull entire families apart, simply because they can. They can seek out the scapegoat, ensure they’re isolated, and turn everybody else against them in a sheer act of toxic defiance.
They lose zero sleep at night worrying about you and how it has affected your mental wellbeing.
They wake up each morning, not quite knowing what will happen, but strong in their knowledge they will handle it.
Even Their Kids?!
Painfully, yes.
I personally cannot look at the children in my family without thinking about how precious they are, and how much they mean to us all.
I wouldn’t want any harm to come to them. Healthy families don’t. They love, cherish, teach, forgive, and nurture. Healthy parenting looks like encouraging growth and the ability to inspire.
Money = Love
Narcissistic parents see their children as extensions of themselves. They control in the same way they would anybody else. They love money and material objects. They neglect without warning, and chop and change their moods to suit themselves.
They ignite anxiety and uncertainty in their children, as young as you can imagine.
Narcissistic parents will walk all over their children to maintain their own innocence, and they don’t care how much they hurt them in the process.
In fact, if their child dares to speak up and say, “The things you say and do hurt my feelings,” they will be hung out to dry.
Ask yourself this…
I want to leave you with an open-ended question that I hope can go some way to help you understand the true evil nature of a narcissist.
How has the narcissist changed your life?
I ask this as a way to get you to think about all the ways their evil nature has trickled into areas of your life you didn’t think were possible.
Maybe they stopped you from getting that job.
Maybe they poke fun at the clothes you wear.
Are they behind the reason you no longer see that family member, or friend?
Have you become less confident since you’ve known them?
Do they make you feel nervous or on edge when you’re near them?
Are they the cause of much conflict?
True evil rarely comes at you so overtly. If it did, you’d hold your hands up and say, “Hey! Not today!” We don’t do this initially with a narcissist because they come at us with their cycle of abuse.
The love bombing.
The smiles and fake promises that we cling to.
Why? Because we’ve no reason to believe they are bad at all. We see the good.
Narcissists take root before you’ve even realized they’re narcissists. They grow slowly and, over time, begin to take over your entire character. They’re hard to get rid of, and the task can often feel overwhelming.
They’re dangerously evil.
They’re human Japanese Knotweed.
