Trying to prize a phone out of a narcissist’s hand is unlike anything you will ever have to do.
They are obsessed with their phones; unable to pull away from all the temptations that are a mere tap or click away.
You want to know what’s so special? What are they doing that’s taking up so much of their time and energy?
The answer won’t be what you want to hear, but I think honesty is the best policy here, so I will just lay it all out for you.
Be prepared.
#1 Narcissists and phones
Let’s be real. They aren’t just phones. They’re an extension of the narcissist, and that is a powerful tool to have in the palm of your hand.
It can hold their attention as well as validate them all in one, so it’s no wonder they’re constantly reaching for theirs.
This is no habit – this is a necessity.
If a narcissist was told to sit silently in a room, they would fidget and struggle until they burst.
At least with a phone, they’re able to tame that threat, and make the moment seem so much more bearable.
Phones fill the many gaps of the narcissist’s character, and reassures them that through all the chaos of the world and how busy people get, that they still exist.
Somebody liked my post.
They care.
People are watching me.
I matter.
#2 You can’t compete with this device
Listen, I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s so true. You will never be able to compete with the narcissist’s phone, and you never will be.
You’re human. You sleep and work, and sometimes are unavailable to a narcissist.
A phone? Well that’s always around, and they love the devices for that very reason.
Phones never hold a narcissist accountable, and always offer an escape you will never be able to provide for them.
Over time, you’re not competing with a screen, you are competing for every little thing behind it.
That’s the kind of fight you’re never going to win, no matter how hard you try.
#3 Building an audience
When a narcissist is holding their phone, gripping it tightly, you should know that they aren’t just scrolling.
They are curating their life for the whole world to view.
They want the photos up, the likes and comments. They post stories that align with the image they want to portray.
Their statues tell the world what’s going on in their life, and all the things you are doing with yours just to make you feel even more crappy about yourself.
The audience the narcissist builds becomes their audience for life, quite literally.
Everything they post and do is for them, with each one designed especially to attract attention.
There’s no connection there, and this is what narcissists love the most. It’s all shallow and surface, which is exactly how they like to live.
It’s not deep, it’s obsessive.
And the people who admire them from a distance all over their socials?
They applaud without question, and validate anything the narcissist is asking for, even if it isn’t direct.
You look amazing!
Another great day out!
Have you lost weight?
I love your hair!
Your job looks so interesting!
Yes! Go get it!
It’s all they need in order to thrive.
#4 Validation in large numbers
One compliment is never enough, and that’s what you can offer them as one person.
You say something nice, and you think you’re being kind and pleasing them, but you aren’t.
Not in the same way all those people on their phone can. Potentially it’s you against hundreds, even thousands of people.
Is it any wonder narcissists sit on their phones without your sight and build this type of life for themselves?
That’s exactly what they are doing on their phones.
And anybody who wants to flirt with them, that’s fair game, too. They know this person lives on the other side of the world, and will never meet.
That’s what makes it all the more thrilling for them, and they don’t mind swimming in those waters because it can be kept separate from their real life.
#5 While they’re at it: monitoring you
Want to know something else really interesting?
Narcissists being glued to their phones isn’t just about them.
That’s right. While they’re scrolling and posting whatever they want, speaking to whoever they cross paths with, they’re also monitoring you.
They want to see when you were last online, who your friends are, your reactions to posts they make, or those on other people’s profiles.
They want to see who you’re interacting with, what you post, and what you keep to yourself.
It’s weird, I grant you. On one hand, they’re doing whatever they like, and on the other, they are keeping you close by, spying on every online move you make.
Even if you post the wrong kind of profile picture, they will make a note of it and raise it in conversation if they have to.
All information gathered about you will be used against you, which can look observant, but it isn’t.
It’s aggressive. It’s obsessive.
#6 The ex, the ‘could-be”
These people who crawl out of the woodwork… my eyes are rolling right now.
Narcissists want to talk to several potential people of interest at the same time.
Why? Because they like the attention. They love how shallow it all stays online, and any connection is better than none, or just one (you).
There’s always a maybe lurking on the horizon, and that person will never be known to you.
It’s always a just in case somewhere, because that keeps the narcissist’s options wide open.
They never know when they will need a new source of supply, so it’s best to always have places t o go to should they need to ramp up drama or seek validation from somebody.
#7 Secrets under lock and key
Secrets that the narcissist is keeping are always going to be kept safe under a passkey that you will never know the answer to.
The facial recognitions are even better, as that ramps up security and keeps everything they do away from you.
And expect any password to change weekly, just in case you happen to see what they type in as they unlock their phones.
They’re obsessed with ensuring everything stays away from you so you never have to hold them accountable.
To be transparent is dangerous for a narcissist, so you will never see that side of them.
#8 No accountability? What a dream!
A phone is a shield. If you confront them, they delete whatever you’re accusing them of.
The narcissist will disengage if you question them, and eye contact will be all but lost.
There’s never any resolution, as you see they’ve signed up to this, that and the other.
You see their profiles, you have your suspicions, but they never want to be honest with you.
After all, if they were, they’d have to say sorry for all the information they have on their phone that isn’t appropriate.
If you want to know what narcissists really do on their phones, I never promised you a happy read.
