Advisory Warning:
This themed article may offer you strong defenses against future encounters with narcissists.
Who am I kidding?! That’s not a warning – that’s an opportunity to prepare to party!
Narcissists will ruin your life, and it’s never anything you consciously do that makes that happen.
Instead, certain vulnerabilities leave people wide open to the abuse that can come their way.
Abuse from narcissists.
So what can you do about it? And how can you use what you learn to repel them?
Let’s start at the beginning…
Energy Vampires
Narcissists are known to many as energy vampires, so much so that they probably won’t even need a Halloween costume.
So what does that mean for the average person? Well, if you’re inclined to be empathic, you’re going to have a lot of compassion, understanding, kindness and sensitivity that the narcissist is able to steal from you.
In fact, they will suck you dry in order to get their supply.
To top it all off – the empath is rarely likely to step away from this situation. It’s not that they see their energy being sucked as a good thing.
It’s more about how they lack seeing any real value in themselves, so they’re naturally inclined not to put their own needs first.
This works wonders for the narcissist, who needs somebody to put them first at all times.
You see how it works?…
Falling into Narcissistic Abuse
Knowing exactly what makes you vulnerable is how you can step into a new kind of power altogether. You no longer need to view yourself as the problem, but rather the solution.
More about that later.
4 Things That Make You Vulnerable to Narcissists
#1 Wanting to Be Wanted
We all want to be wanted, that’s just our own human condition.
We crave the idea that somebody else might want us, but this can be your downfall to narcissistic abuse if you aren’t careful.
When you desire so much that you feel this unstoppable draw to anybody who pays you any attention, you’re at a much higher risk.
A risk of that person being a narcissist.
A risk of being mistreated.
A risk of losing your identity to a person who will never really love you the way you want them to.
It can also leave you blindsided by everything else that goes on early in a narcissistic relationship.
The pull to get somebody to love you can stem from not having that kind of consistency as a kid.
A parent or caregiver who neglected you and your needs. Who overlooked you entirely, and left you feeling like you constantly had to chase their love may make you more vulnerable in your quest for it in adult life.
This means that as a child, you would grab any kind of love. Those little fragments of affection or attention you got that you felt could give you the reassurance you are loved.
They weren’t nearly often enough, or enough at all. But they did for you, and as a result, you accepted the bare minimum.
We all know when narcissists come along, their initial act of charm is so alluring that those people who crave it, get it and more.
It’s a magnetic pull that is hard for the empath to resist, and for the narcissist, they see their charm working, and you bite the bait of their successfully attempted attachment hook.
#2 Being a Forgiving Person
Being a forgiving person is exactly how a narcissist is able to get away with what they do – time and time again.
Forgiving people oversee their toxicity, not because they necessarily think it’s okay to be cruel, but because of how remorseful the narcissist can appear.
If they aren’t remorseful, they lay the guilt so thickly that the forgiving person takes the blame instead.
Forgiving people are looking for a peaceful life. They don’t want conflit, and drama is not on their list of day to day priorities.
Narcissists are only naturally drawn to people they see who will be understanding of them. It means only one thing:
Narcissists will abuse anybody’s forgiving nature so they can continue to get what they want. The second you stop forgiving them is the moment you align your actions with your morals.
#3 Being Loyal
Narcissists manipulate their victims into being loyal. You may have heard certain phrases from them before.
Phrases such as:
What goes on in this house, stays in this house.
We don’t want people knowing our business.
What you think you see or hear, is just me trying to do the best I can.
By default, all those improper and mean tactics or games the narcissist plays become par for the course.
It’s just them being them.
You know what they’re like – this happens all the time.
I’m used to it.
They love me, so I will stick by them no matter what.
Loyalty comes from being given the impression that you have the duty to serve them in this way.
The narcissist, in return, will demonstrate some kind of loyalty to you, usually by gifting you or treating you to something new and sparkly.
This isn’t loyalty.
This is buying yours.
If you know the difference, you can know that your loyalty is only important to them because it allows them to do whatever they want.
#4 Empathic Reversal!
You’re used to me talking about empaths and how much they are drawn to narcissistic characters, but I never really discuss empathic reversal.
This isn’t to say “the kind of people who display no empathy.” Instead, the reversal begins and ends with the empath.
What is left for you when you give so much of yourself to somebody else? Where does the love you need come from? Because it certainly isn’t going to come from the narcissist.
So where do you look?
Well, you can’t look to yourself, either. There’s none available. In fact, you give yourself so little love, that you never come first whenever it matters.
This self-neglect stems from childhood. Empaths, like all children, wanted to be shown love and affection when they were younger, but they never got it.
They didn’t get it because they were likely left to their own devices or made to feel as though they were just ‘in the way’ all the time.
Vying for your parents’ love isn’t something any child should have to do, and in adulthood, that looks like neglecting yourself.
So then what? Those people end up being drawn to the charming facade of a narcissist in those early stages of a relationship. It feels great, it feels new, and it makes sense.
