What is Future Faking and Why Do Narcissists Do It?

Have you ever been promised the world by someone, only to find it was all a smokescreen? 

Do you ever hear promise after promise, only for them to turn out to be lie after lie?

You aren’t alone.

In the world of narcissism, future faking is how they get you hooked

Nobody ever fell in love with somebody who told them they aren’t interested, right? 

This is about real deception and how low the narcissist will go to get what they want.

And you – innocent you – are their next victim.

You’re here to learn about future faking, and I’m here to expose it.

The Cycle of Abuse: The Narcissist’s Favorite Game

Future faking is often thought of as one thing the narcissist does, without any other means to manipulate. 

Yes, narcissists love to make you think about the future with them, but the reason it’s called future faking is because they actually have no intention of fulfilling these ‘promises.’

The promises are laid out to you in the hope that you listen to them, and stick around. The narcissist wants you to think you’ve struck gold.

I am so lucky.

They said they see themselves marrying me.

They want a ton of kids!

They want us to buy a house together and get a bunch of dogs.

After the summer, they’re going to book our dream vacation, I can’t wait!

No. Of course you can’t wait. It sounds amazing – all of it. 

So what’s the catch?

Well, sadly for you, none of it is going to come true. 

I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news here, but the narcissist has no intention of seeing these promises through. Instead, they’re nothing but promises to get you hooked and attached to them, so you think they’re your dream person.

See also  Can A Narcissist Be Faithful In A Relationship?

Empty Promises

Empty promises aren’t filled with reality. The narcissist has words up their sleeve they know will be what you want to hear. You have to remember that the narcissist’s charm is initially intense, but it soon wears off. The reason it’s so intense at first is to make you feel loved, appreciated and wanted. 

It’s a wonderful feeling, matched by the seemingly sincere promises of continuation. 

Why Narcissists Fake the Future

So – you’ve been with a narcissist for long enough to know that their promises amounted to nothing.

Firstly – I am sorry. You deserve/ed better.

Secondly – you need to know exactly why this happens. 

As empaths are strongly drawn to narcissists, empaths also crave a connection. While the connection may never happen, the promise of one is enough to keep them hooked. Being hooked means you are waiting for fruition.

You want the happy ending. 

You want the dream relationship.

You want the magical vacation. 

If you could reach back to the beginning and compare the person you met to the narcissist you know now, you will likely have walked on by when their charm allured you. 

How Narcissists Use Future Faking to Control

I’ll let you into a little secret:

The narcissist is terrified you’ll leave them.

Your leaving would indicate their lack of ability to keep you. It would highlight all the ways their insecurities are secretly overwhelming to them.

If you left, the narcissist would have to find another form of supply, and pretty quickly too. It would raise questions to others such as:

See also  How to Get a Narcissist to Admit They Cheated?

Why did they leave them? What was so wrong?

How come they didn’t want to stay and work it out?

The illusion that the narcissist is lovable, and the best thing since sliced would be shattered beyond repair.

Mostly – it would confirm to the narcissist that rejection is their one main trigger.

They can’t stand it, and live in fear of it happening. 

Future faking is how the narcissist controls you and what you do. If you have the promise of a happy ending, why would you leave, right?

Hooked on Hope: No Happy Ending

Well, this is where the expression, ‘hooked on hope’ comes from. It’s most certainly a really, really heartbreaking place to be. 

The narcissist gives their words to you, but refuses to back them up with actions. Meanwhile, you’re hooked on what they’ve said, and you wait.

You wait, and wait. 

You wait some more.

Soon enough, you start to realize you’ve wasted precious months or years waiting for a bus that never even set off to collect you. You weathered all seasons, stood alone, but it didn’t arrive. 

Happy endings are not possible with narcissists, because the future they promised you when you first met was never intended to come true.

They were words to keep you hooked on hope.

The Future That Never Comes

I want to give you some more in depth examples of future faking, and why narcissists say these exact things. The aim is to get you thinking about your own situation, and how you can relate. 

“If you forgive me, I’ll book that holiday we talked about.”

Now, this first example has two parts. First, you’re being asked to excuse potentially terrible bad behavior, which by itself is a huge red flag. 

See also  What Does a Narcissist Want in a Relationship?

The second is that you’ll be rewarded if you do excuse it. 

In what world are we living in where someone thinks it’s okay to reward forgiveness?

What’s even worse is that the holiday won’t ever even happen! It’s a lure to control you, and let them get away with whatever they want.

“I never met anybody like you. I can see it all with you.”

Again – I see a few meanings here.

See it all?

You see the bad too then, right? Because that’s ‘it all.’ 

You see someone you can manipulate and get away with so much, with.

And yes, they have met somebody like you before.

Rinse and repeat.

“You’re exactly the person I see marrying.”

It’s cute, right? 

“Yay for me!”

Oh no, not yay. 

Run.

I’ll dissect this for you, in case you need it to be delivered even clearer.

Ah, yes. An empath! You seem to be needy, and you love the little attention I offer. You’re so easily pleased, probably because you were taught low standards. You seem overly forgiving, and you’ve got the kind of energy I could totally sap and use for myself. I think I could manipulate you for a long time, but I need you to think I;m a good person. Yes, I’ll say all of these things to you, and you’ll smile and soak it up.

They won’t marry you, and if they do, it’ll be because you offer them everything their ego needs, not their hearts.

Know the difference. 

Related Articles