Nobody promised a rose garden here – and it especially applies when allowing a narcissist back in.
You’ve got yourself a little soul freedom by working to rid yourself of a toxic person, and here they are, back where they used to be.
Does anything make sense about that?
No, it doesn’t.
It feels as though you don’t have options when it comes to who you allow in your life, but you do.
But when you let them in – that’s when it all hits the fan…
Getting Them Out: The Hard Part!
Going by how difficult the cycle of abuse is to break, it’s no surprise how difficult it is to get rid of the narcissist in your life. Usually it comes with some kind of strong decision, such as no contact, but let me tell you…
…It’s hard.
You’ll deal with the aftermath, and over time, things will start to settle down again.
Hooray!
Time Goes By…
Then comes the avenue of time. You walk down it, sure. But what does it reveal along your journey? Do you see your life coming together again, or do you see it falling apart without the narcissist?
Perhaps you see how much they seem to have changed, or how strong you are now.
So you think…
…What if…
What Exactly Happens?
The huge part of your soul the narcissist filled is empty without them around. That;’s where those two choices come into play.
Do you fill it with loving things for yourself?
Or…
Do you let them back in? Surely it can’t be that bad to try again, right? You love them, and they always did say they loved you too.
It’ll be different this time. You think it’s going to be amazing to see how much you’ve both grown.
Is it that simple?
#1 You Leave – Then Take Them Back
Leaving a narcissist is an incredibly liberating feeling. And yes, it can be scary, because you’re officially trying to make it alone.
This is where people can slip up, and go back to old habits, old ways, and old flames or friends…
Narcissists hurt people – and they probably hurt you, too. That’s why they’re no longer in your life.
They were known to triangulate. They caused nothing but pain, sadness and trauma. You were miserable in their company, and you hated who you were becoming.
As you finally begin to heal, you begin to miss them. Not the bad stuff, but the good times. Those electric sparks of joy and passion.
You miss the routine, which is actually known as the cycle of abuse. To you, it was ‘just how you were together.’
That emptiness you feel without them is you knee deep in the discard stage.
So what happens now?
You let them back in.
And then what?
That cycle ramps back up. The same feelings within you rise. You suddenly feel not good enough all over again. Your personality and soul shrink in their presence, and soon, their control is on you again.
#2 You Slump
What comes after you take them back is something I like to call toxic regression.
All those feelings come back. Initially, yes, it may have been great. That brief period where you felt it was the right thing to do very quickly goes away.
And is replaced by?
The slump.
Just as you were healing and getting so far – the narcissist is both back in your life and causing the pain you were finally rid of.
All over again!
How you feel is so important, but in the day to day life of being stuck in narcissistic abuse – how you feel begins to not matter.
That’s why exiting that type of dynamic is crucial for self-realization and for admitting that situation just wasn’t healthy for you.
Getting back into it is going to bring all those feelings of hopelessness back. The insecurities will resurface, and you will…
#3 Fall in Line
Yep.
Falling in line to their tactics. It starts with you, right? You feel down and despondent, but then you look outward and discover why.
It’s because of the narcissist.
Every single time.
Suddenly, they’re back to gaslighting you, and making you feel terrible all over again. The silent treatment returns, and with that comes your anxiety.
You hadn’t missed that, I bet.
You feel weak again, just when you were beginning to gain your strength and feel like a human being again.
You see, it’s what they do. They’re never going to change, no matter how long you leave it until you let them back in, or try again to make it work.
#4 They Tell People You Needed Them
This is the worst part. When you come back to the narcissist, they can tell the world you needed them so badly that you couldn’t live without them.
You were lonely, you realized you made a huge mistake.
And so on and on…
Embarrassing for you, the narcissist will not hesitate to make you known to be the needy one, and for them to be and feel superior over you.
When you let them back in, the narcissist will project how you made them feel right back to you.
They couldn’t live without me.
They realized life was boring without me around.
It’s designed to embarrass you, and also make it difficult for you to do it again.
#5 You Deprive Yourself of The Future You Deserve
I think this last reason can be severely overlooked in a moment, and it deserves its own stage. I will explore this section in more detail over the coming weeks, but for now let me tell you:
Each day you give to the narcissist, you take from yourself.
You have one life, that’s all we ever have. When you finally free yourself from the narcissist, it’s your chance to explore. Be courageous. Take chances. Discover yourself. Find your calm. Regulate your nervous system.
When you let the narcissist back in, all the issues you have flare up again. From the way you feel to the way you act. From the things you say, to the insecurities you thought you ironed out.
You deserve the best future, especially after living with, experiencing, and suffering narcissistic abuse. When you let them come back into your life, you are permitting them to abuse you all over again.
And don’t think for a moment that they won’t because they really will.
Letting in the narcissist will leave you even more depleted than you were before. All that effort and progress taken to get to a point where you didn’t need them will vanish the second you open your doors.
Ask yourself if it’s really worth it.
And if you aren’t sure, let me tell you:
No.
It isn’t.
