You’re tired of feeling disrespected by the narcissist in your life, and you’ve realized that arguing back and forth isn’t working. 

You might decide to ignore the narcissist because you want to establish boundaries in your relationship.

Or you may just feel so frustrated by their behavior that you need time to regroup with your thoughts.

In some cases, ignoring a narcissist can be a great idea, especially if you hold firm with your limits. Other times, it causes even more drama and agony. This article will dive into everything you need to know.

9 Things That Happen When You Ignore a Narcissist

First things first- a narcissist doesn’t react well to being ignored. In fact, they absolutely hate it. 

Narcissists thrive on validation and attention from others. It’s how they feel powerful. Being ignored has the opposite effect. When someone isn’t stroking their ego or fulfilling their narcissistic supply, they tend to feel threatened and insecure.

Ignoring, in many ways, represents a serious personal attack. To a narcissist, this represents a form of punishment, and they will often try to punish you back in the following ways:

#1 They Will Keep Trying to Get Your Attention

Some narcissists just react to being ignored by pretending it isn’t happening. They will keep talking or texting you as if everything is exactly the same. 

This is, of course, an incredibly frustrating form of gaslighting. For example, you’re actively trying to not be on speaking terms, and they’re acting like everything is going just well! 

This might feel confusing, but don’t delude yourself into thinking that the narcissist is just being naive.

Acting oblivious is just another way narcissists try to manipulate others into believing they are the true victims. 

#2 They Will Apologize and Beg For Forgiveness

If you’ve never ignored the narcissist before, don’t be surprised if they suddenly begin groveling for your forgiveness once they realize you really aren’t talking to them.

This is the time a narcissist is most likely to try to win you over with grandiose promises. They’ll offer to go to therapy. They’ll tell you they’re finally ready for marriage or children. They’ll promise to never act this way again.  

Keep in mind these types of apologies or promises aren’t made out of genuine guilt. While it’s true that some narcissists feel some remorse, they’re far more interested in self-preservation and maintaining their usual status quo. 

Narcissists don’t change overnight, and they know how to manipulate people to get what they want. And what they want is power and control. If they need to apologize and beg for that, that’s exactly what they will do. 

#3 They Will Try to Make You Even More Angry

Negative attention beats no attention at all, so some narcissists will react to being ignored by doubling down on their petty behavior. They want to give you something to complain about.

If you’re upset about a certain action of theirs, they’ll increase how often they do it. For example, if you felt mad that they carelessly spent so much money at the bar last weekend, they’ll double the amount next weekend. 

#4 They Will Feign a Crisis

Suddenly their mom is in the hospital. Or they suspect their dog has cancer. Or their boss has called them in for a last-minute meeting and they’re probably getting fired.

Emergencies absolutely happen, but pay attention to the timing. Narcissists play close attention to other people’s vulnerabilities. In addition, most of them tend to attract people with heightened empathy levels. 

And so, if they sense you’ve pulled away, they might pull this seemingly innocent response,

Generally speaking, these messages will sound just vague enough to pique your attention. However, they won’t contain excessive details because a real emergency probably isn’t happening!

#5 They Will Try to Make You Jealous

In a similar vein to trying to make you angry, some narcissists will also try to make you jealous when you ignore them. 

For example, they might pretend to be unfazed by your actions. Then, they will go out that night, get very drunk and post a bunch of suspicious pictures of them having fun with strangers. The hope is that you’ll see what they’re doing and feel jealous about it. 

#6 They Will Smear You 

Many narcissists engage in smearing to reassign blame and even make themselves look like the victims. They want to protect their own narrative about what happened.

And so, they’ll try to convince your friends, family members, neighbors (basically anyone who will give them the time of day) how terrible you were to them. They may use some version of the truth, but they might also lie outright. 

Smearing, of course, can be devastating, and some of the ramifications can be permanent. You can’t prevent the narcissist from doing it, so it’s very important to reassess who you trust in life.  

When you’re involved with a narcissist, it’s always a good idea to be careful of what you share with mutual friends. You never know how the narcissist might try to influence them. 

#7 They Will Threaten You

If a narcissist senses that you’re really pulling away, they might try to exploit your weaknesses. They’ll threaten to hurt you in some way, whether that’s threatening to drag you down in court (if you’re married) or take your kids away from you. 

In more serious cases, they may also threaten to hurt themselves or end their lives. The goal here is all about making you feel guilty. They want you to come back to them, and they don’t want you to have anything “over” them.

#8 They Will Reach Out to Others

Narcissists often respond to being ignored by approaching the other people in your life. They may call your friends and family members to express their concern about your well-being.

When this happens, they’ll either downplay or avoid sharing about their malicious part in the dynamic and solely focus on you.

For example, they might call your mom and say something like,

They’re hoping that your loved ones will reach out to you, which will make you feel guilty or compelled to respond to them again.

#9 They Will Ignore You Back

Many narcissists respond to ignoring by ignoring back. They don’t want to be seen as needy or emotional, so they’ll focus their efforts elsewhere in the meantime. 

It’s very common for narcissists to cheat on their partners during periods of ignoring. It’s a way they can seemingly prove to you (and to themselves) that they don’t need the relationship. 

If you want to read more about this, I suggest you read my article about why Narcissists ignore you.

What Happens When You Ignore a Narcissist Text?

Ignoring a narcissist’s text can be just as effective as ignoring them in real life. Texting provides narcissists with even more opportunities to be conniving or abusive.

Then, they can deny their intention by simply claiming you’re “reading too much into things.”

Here are some ways a narcissist might react to being ignored over text:

Rage

If a narcissist senses their texts are being ignored, they might react in a fit of narcissistic rage.

Remember that narcissists like to control the narrative at all times. If someone else has the power (even if it’s very brief), they can’t tolerate the discomfort. 

Ignoring a Narcissist can really Piss them off…

Anxiety

Narcissists can also respond anxiously when they notice you’re ignoring their texts. This may be more common in cases of vulnerable narcissism, a type of narcissism that’s far more covert in nature.

These types of narcissists often present as shy or insecure, but underneath that demeanor is a high-level of self-absorption, smugness, passive-aggressive behavior, and an inability to accept feedback. 

The anxiety emerges due to fear. The narcissist fundamentally knows something is wrong, and they want to quickly smooth things over to avoid you being “on” to them.

Obsessiveness

Obsessiveness is an even more dramatic form of anxiety. This can look like sending you dozens of text messages in a row. It can also look like showing up at your front door because they were “so worried” they hadn’t heard from you in a few days.

Obsessiveness can quickly spiral into stalking behavior, and narcissists will rationalize it under the guise that they care so much about you. 

If you sense that a narcissist might be stalking you, it’s very important to seek support. Stand your ground and do not talk to them again.

If you’re trying to end the relationship altogether, block and delete them from your email and all social media accounts. 

Desperation 

Desperation is a more subtle form of anxiety. The narcissist tries to use guilt-induced tactics to convince you that they made a mistake and they feel remorseful about it. 

Even if they know the desperation might come across as pathetic, they’re willing to pull this angle if they have the slightest belief that it will work. 

How do you recognize a text from a Narcissist? See my article about 11 typical examples of Narcissist text messages.

FAQ

Will a Narcissist Go Away if You Ignore Them?

It depends.

At first, they probably won’t take you ignoring them very seriously. This is especially true if you’re in the early stages of a relationship. It’s also true if you’ve tried ignoring them in the past, only to go back to talking very quickly. 

Keep in mind that narcissists often change their tactics in response to being ignored. They always want to keep other people on their toes. Mixing things up makes them unpredictable, and they thrive on others feeling nervous around them. 

If you really want the narcissist to go away, you have to ignore them indefinitely. You have to end all contact with them- or go as low-contact as possible.

If you can consistently and permanently take that approach, they can and will move on. Once they can’t get anything from you, they’ll look for a new person to fulfill their narcissistic supply.

That doesn’t mean they won’t still try to hoover you back into their life, but the intensity of their actions will likely die down.

Want to know more? 15 Hoovering Examples used by the Narcissist

What Does the Silent Treatment Do to a Narcissist?

Silent treatment is an intentional form of ignoring. You’re literally not talking to them, even if they’re talking directly to you.

Silent treatment enrages a narcissist. They have no problem ignoring others, but when someone gives them a taste of their own medicine, they become infuriated.

You can expect any combination of narcissistic rage, false apologies, dramatic gestures, and smearing campaigns. 

Why Is It Better to Not Respond to a Narcissist?

Narcissists often view basic interactions as transactional, so even their closest relationships are all about what they can “get” from the other person.

Although a narcissist might think they truly love someone, their love is disillusioned by their own false self and ego. They fall in love with the projected fantasy of who someone else can be.

Unfortunately, reality can never quite match this fantasy. Even though you may have felt incredibly loved at the beginning of your relationship, narcissists move through predictable stages in their relationships.

They start with love bombing, but once they realize that someone else isn’t perfect, the devaluing phase begins. Soon, you’ll find yourself caught in the vicious narcissistic cycle of abuse.

If you want to completely remove yourself from this heartache, letting go of the relationship altogether is probably your best bet. 

What Do Narcissists Fear the Most?

The 20 Biggest Fears Of Narcissists

They don’t look like they fear anything, do they?

Narcissists really do walk around acting as if they are perfect. If you were to ask them what they’re scared of, they’d laugh in your face and tell you to move out of their way.

Well, I’m here to tell you the truth.

Narcissists are petrified of more than you have ever known…

…Until now.

Here, I unlock the 20 biggest fears of narcissists, so you don’t need to embarrass them by asking them what they’re scared of ever again.

When The Narcissist Can’t Sleep At Night

Tick, tock, tick, tock,

3am?!

What’s keeping the narcissist up at night?

It’s likely to be thinking about their fears, as believe it or not, they cross their minds from time to time. 

Those fears remain buried under the guise of the charmer – the person everybody sees when they initially speak to the narcissist. 

Well, I’ve got my shovel, and I am about to dig each fear up.

#1 It’s Expose Time! 

Imagine the look of terror on the narcissist’s face when you expose them. It’ll be brief, sure. If you blink, you miss it.

Because soon enough – that fear will convert into rage – an emotion you’re probably much more familiar with when you think about the narcissist in your life. 

Before that rage, that fear will be evident. The idea of you telling everybody the true character of the narcissist fills them with an impalpable dread. 

It all starts to crumble.

They’ve nowhere to hide, and they cannot fool everybody anymore. At least some people will believe you, and that’s all you’d need to expose them fully. 

So yes – it keeps the narcissist up at night to think you could do such a thing, knowing as soon you do so, their power diminishes. 

#2 Control: Officially Lost

Get ready for the narcissist’s foundation to shake, rattle and roll.

Losing control is last on their list of ideals, but it’s a stark possibility when the victim turns to victor.

Seeing through the narcissism to a person who, underneath it all, is just a small-minded, afraid nobody, makes them more worried than you could imagine. 

If that control goes – what do they have?!

#3 The Truth is Feared

What is the truth?

We all know, don’t we?

We’re dealing with a person, or several people if you’re really unlucky, who aren’t who they say they are.

There is a truth behind the lies, and behind that is the ongoing fear from the narcissist that their lies will be exposed. 

Believe me when I say that the narcissist will do what it takes to silence their victims, but that doesn’t mean the truth will never prevail.

#4 The Ordinary 

Ordinary means what to you? For me, it’s just an average day, with nothing standing out. No one big moment.

Narcissists hate not standing out. They always want to be the center of attention, and if they’re seen as normal, or ordinary, that will be the biggest threat – and fear – to their grandiose personality. 

#5 Being Alone

Imagine having nobody to manipulate. When they need to suck the life out of another – there’s not a soul available. 

Narcissists need people around not just to do this with, but also, those people are needed to influence. 

The absence of others is the absence of validation and supply, and without a push from others for attention, the narcissist won’t fully know how to function.

They fear being alone for that very reason.

#6 Bye Bye, Attention

Invisibility is the true enemy of the narcissist. They need to be the honey, while the bees buzz around them constantly.

Without that noise, there is silence.

And in silence, there will be zero attention.

#7 Others… Happy… Really?

No single soul on the planet has the right to be happy (according to the narcissist). If you’re so happy, what could you possibly be so happy about? 

How dare you!

Your smile is enough to have it wiped right off your face, and the narcissist is going to love doing so.

Passing judgment. Criticizing you. Bringing you down. Triggering you. Disappointing you. Giving you the silent treatment and yelling at you. Whatever it takes. Why? 

Simple! They fear that your happiness will create this brand new version of you that will tolerate the narcissist just that little bit less. 

#8 How Victims Self-Love

Listen, if you’re loving yourself, then you are loving the narcissist less. It’s great for you – and that’s exactly why it isn’t good for them. 

The fear that comes from you loving yourself is that you will decide you’re too good for them – and leave. 

#9 Financial Independence

You’ve got your money sorted, you earn a large buck or two, and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Seeing you take care of your finances so well, there’s little to no chance of them taking it all away from you – leaving you dependent on them. 

Big fear!

#10 “So What?”

Ah, so you’re indifferent, are you?

That’s a big ache in the gut for the narcissist, who thrives on your reactions. If you don’t have any ones to give, consider yourself immune to the narcissist…

…New narcissist fear unlocked!

#11 Brave Enough To Be Accountable

Accountability is a huge fear of the narcissist, who usually ensures that what they’re doing will never be found out.

They don’t want to own up to any wrongdoing – so you can safely tick this as a huge fear of theirs. 

#12 Losing to Legality

If you want to really send shivers down the narcissist’s spine – threaten them with legal action.

It’s the epitome of doing wrong for all to see as well – which only adds to their nightmare!

#13 New Victims: Gone

Just when they thought they had a good victim in you – you up and leave.

Their plans turn to dust, and they become vulnerable all over again, with no supply!

#14 Strong? Good!

Your strength kills narcissists. It acts as such a strong repellent that you would be hard pushed to see any narcissist stick around.

They’re scared of you! What narcissist wants to admit that they’re scared of somebody?!

#15 Being Alone

You can forgive babies for not wanting to be alone – but grown adults? This isn’t about normal loneliness that can really affect people – this is the fear of having no life to suck out of anybody. 

#16 Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Don’t look into it if you’re a narcissist, because we all know – including you – that you are not the fairest of them all!

The biggest fear of a narcissist is doing so, and seeing that ugliness stare back at them. 

#17 “No Thanks, Bye”

Rejection.

Ouch.

A narcissist experienced enough of this as a child, and it is a huge trigger for them; a reminder that they aren’t good enough for somebody. 

#18 Criticism

What do you mean they aren’t perfect?

You cannot tell a narcissist that they have faults! That’s their job to make you feel shitty – not the other way around!

#19 Partners In The Know

Knowing who the narcissist really is means the power shifts from them, to you. 

What does that mean for you? Well, you’re likely to be a person who wants to do bad with their power, but it does mean you no longer get played by them.

They fear this – they fear you having an education in narcissism. You have the power to expose and all them out.

A powerless narcissist is not a happy narcissist. 

#20 Getting Over: Moving On

If you’ve gotten over a narcissist and moved on – you’ve done what they thought you’d never do.

Always expecting you to be around to use and abuse, you’ve finally made your way out of it.

While that’s a moment for real pride, it’s a moment of fear for them.

What do they do now?