Oh boy, what a topic for you all today. It’s the kind of topic that can revolutionize an entire group of people who have suffered at the fateful hands of their abuser.
How to be the one person a narcissist cannot control, but more importantly, what happens when you become that person?
I don’t promise all love and light, but I do promise eventual healing.
The next step is yours. Are you ready to take it?
#1 Control and the narcissist
This is your official demand by me to…
LIVE YOUR LIFE.
I’m serious. Stop sitting around listening to the narcissist tell you that you’re not good enough for this or that.
Stop letting them tell you that you are wasting your time with that hobby, or with that friend.
I know it’s a rabbit hole you can fall into when under the manipulation and abuse of a narcissist, but trust me, none of it is true.
They make it seem as though it is, and I think that’s where the problem lies.
You are being controlled.
Your limitations are not what you think you can’t do, but what the narcissist is telling you that you can’t do.
Read that as many times as you need to.
If a narcissist has control, they are in their official happy place. It’s where their ego thrives, and you witness your demise.
#2 How the narcissist sees you
The fact of the matter is, the narcissist sees you as an easy target to control and shape how they want you to be.
If you aren’t confident, the narcissist will make sure that any shred of it within you is totally wiped out.
If you don’t think you’re clever, the narcissist will sway you from any job that involves a particular skillset that you have.
They see you as a game to play, and if you act accordingly, you will be their best friend.
They love knowing you struggle, and the more they control you, the more you end up feeling like life is one big challenge that they have to rescue you from.
The more they control you, the more of yourself you give away.
When you realize this is how unimportant you are to the narcissist, it should ring alarm bells for you, and let you know that it’s time to move on and don’t look back.
It’s crucial to become somebody that the narcissist can’t control, though, if you want to remain a repellent for all toxic people.
#3 What kind of person is the narcissist unable to control?
If a narcissist loves a people-pleaser, then the worst kinds of people for them are those who don’t care what other people think.
These are the kinds of people who can care about others, without making themselves sick trying to prioritize them every single day.
The kinds of people a narcissist can’t control are also those who don’t allow anybody to reshape their own reality.
Gaslighting doesn’t work, because they stand firm in their choices and experiences.
Narcissists want to budge them, but they’re unable to do so, and become frustrated that there’s nothing they can do to gain control over the situation.
Interest is soon lost in these people and narcissists will walk away looking for somebody who is far easier to manipulate. If you’ve been at the hands of a narcissist, that may once have been you.
But that can change.
#4 What happens when you become this person?
Well, for you, it’s a much better life. You have the urge to take charge of what you want, and you don’t let anything stand in your way.
You know what makes you smile, you want to learn and grow and be a better person.
It’s a dream for you. The narcissist is not on your radar, and you are aligning your purpose with your actions.
When you become somebody who a narcissist fails to control, you become untouchable.
This is the stuff nightmares are made of for narcissists. They see your acting a way that they cannot manipulate or interrupt, and they get that light bulb moment:
I can no longer control you.
I think it’s a good thing for anybody to become that kind of person because you’re looking at somebody who – no matter how hard the narcissist tries – will live to the beat of their own drum.
#5 The narcissist losing control
It’s not a pretty sight, but then again, I think you already know that. If you have had experience of a narcissist losing it, you’ll know the lengths they can go to to make the whole ordeal uncomfortable for you to witness.
You’ll see rage. It will appear as if from nowhere, but it’s meticulously planned by the narcissist to make you anxious, catch you by surprise, and leave you begging them for forgiveness.
Except, if you make sure you steer clear of falling into the trap and be somebody the narcissist cannot control, you will leave them waiting for a long time rather than falling over yourself to fix their problem.
A narcissist can also try anything and everything to keep you. If love-bombing once worked, they will give it a go.
Flowers, cards, letters, invitations to dinner, waiting for you outside your work, or the endless calls and texts you’ll receive as they try to worm their way back to you.
Don’t fall for it, and you will be able to keep that level of control to you and you alone.
#6 Prepare for…
Some kind of fight back. I don’t mean the kind where you will physically need to roll your sleeves up, but I am talking about the resistance.
They won’t want to let you go easily, and that can be difficult for any victim.
It’s natural to feel guilty or ashamed that you’ve made the choice to stand up for yourself and live your life the way you want to.
Narcissists will hate you for even having the thought to, and that’s where you must see the real danger behind their mask of charm.
They were never in this to love and care for you, they just wanted to be able to dictate and run a narrative that suits them.
#7 Unlearning the narcissist’s manipulation
It’s a lot to unlearn, especially if you’ve been around this narcissist for a long time. Unlearning can look like:
- Discovering what the narcissist has been lying to you about.
- Realizing that your reality matters, and is true.
- Discarding feelings of shame that are associated with how the narcissist treats you.
When you unlearn, you untangle the web of deceit the narcissist drew you into.
You give yourself the chance to live a life that you only previously were able to imagine.
Now you can unlearn, you can relearn. That is a powerful tool to be able to own, and I urge you to think about how much freedom you will have the moment you make a simple choice:
I am going to live my life the way I always wanted, and nothing and nobody is going to stand in my way.
