What Happens When Narcissists Realize You Are on to Them?

Okay, I ‘m going to warn you right from the very start…

If you are ever onto a narcissist:

They will show you a side of them even YOU would never have dreamed of seeing.

I hope you’re ready for that, because let me just say, things are going to get interesting. 

You’ll see it all, but luckily for you, you cannot unsee anything once you start seeing. 

That mask has been well and truly on for all this time, and suddenly, as it slips, you begin to wake up…

…What happens now?

I’ve got the answers for you, right here. 

The Thing to Know About Narcissists…

Narcissists are so far removed from reality that you being onto them alone won’t be enough. They won’t gather your suspicions and run with them because they’re so in their own head that they will fail to notice.

What really gets the narcissists attention is when you change. People do this after they’ve seen the narcissist’s true colors. They start to act differently and they also treat the narcissist differently too. 

What used to be a people pleaser has turned into a guarded, stronger character, and narcissists hate that. They cannot stand somebody offering them a different version of themselves they’re used to. 

You might present:

  • In a way that stands your ground. You won’t budge just because the narcissist has demanded you do.
  • You no longer do what they say. You won’t if they want you to stop talking to that person. It’s not up to them, after all.
  • Your reality becomes clearer. All the times they have tricked you into confusion are now in the past. 
  • You begin to see the bigger picture opening up before you. All the abuse becomes clear.
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When Narcissists Know You See Through Them

Narcissists will know you see through them as soon as you stop giving them what they need. Remember, they crave everything good in you, but they steal it from you. Once taken, they will never return it, just continue to sap it from you.

Realizing you are not a maple tree, you awaken, and everything changes.

I mean everything.

You’re finally putting yourself in harm’s way no more, and the narcissist becomes frustrated. 

The difference now is that they are no longer able to use the usual tricks to get a response from you. The techniques they once had up their sleeve are going to be deemed useless if the person receiving them has their eyes wide open.

The frustration for them will become very real, very quickly

Caught in the Act: What Now For You?

When a narcissist realizes you’re onto them, it’s as if you’ve caught them in the act. You begin to understand that all the ways they would abuse or belittle you were nothing to do with you. 

It was everything to do with them.

What does this mean for you?

It means you get your freedom back. It means you get to pull back the control they’ve taken from you over time. What could be more liberating than knowing you have released yourself from this painted belief that you’re the problem?

It will be a great time for you to get to the other side of the abuse, and start to piece the puzzle together.

The narcissist won’t enjoy it – but hey – it’s not about them anymore!

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How Narcissists Respond to Being Uncovered

Narcissists are initially so frustrated when you blow their cover. Realizing you’ve changed is never going to work for them, because they can’t undo what you’ve learned.

The narcissist will find it impossible to claw back the submissive person who did as they were told, and acted in a way that kept them in control.

Their mind will start to spin out as they watch you: 

  • Figure out their lies
  • Understand their deceit
  • Realize the extent they were gaslighted
  • Watch them closely, making them undoubtedly uncomfortable
  • Work on making your own self stronger again

Where the narcissist was once able to move people around and play them like a game of chess, the dynamics change completely.

All it takes to break the dynamics is one person figuring them out. It’s like pulling one card from a house of cards, and seeing it all fall down. 

You are that card, and you have pulled yourself out of the equation.

Now comes the consequences.

How Narcissists Handle Being Found Out

It’s natural for a narcissist to feel on guard when they’re found out. They notice and sense the change, and they are wondering now what to do to make it all ‘normal’ for them again. 

How they handle you finding out is quite interesting.


The narcissist is angry that now you are unreachable. You;ve checked out, and you’re nothing but disengaged to their tactics. It’s like you were once a fire that has now burned out. No matter how many times they poke you, you’re not going to start up again. 

This enrages them.

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If you were to start speaking up about what you realize, you’re going to have a little fun watching them deny any wrongdoing probably, and potentially even turn it around on you.

Narcissists deny through sheer panic. They don’t want to be found out, and they don’t want you to ruin the perfect image they’ve spent years building. 

Narcissists deny when they have nowhere else to go. If you are showing them a version of themselves that’s far from ideal – they don’t want to see it. Even if it’s true, they don’t want to face seeing the ‘real’ them. 

That’s the person they can’t stand. 


So … Here it comes ….

The discard. You’re no good to them anymore. They don’t want you around. You’re useless. Your supply has dried up. You know the real them. They can’t fool or trick you into believing their lies.

Your yesterday’s news, so any relationship is going to now be no relationship. 

Once they’re through with you, the next aim is to find the next ‘you.’ 


Sometimes, yes, the narcissist sees you as somebody who needs a little calculated revenge thrown their way.

For all the times you have rattled their cage and questioned their games – you now get the treatment.

The smear campaign. 

It is not above the narcissist’s station to tell people what a troublemaker you are. How good you are at lying and the untrue rumors you spread about them. 

The narcissist will be believed because they’re so good and manipulating situations in their favor. 

You should consider it your punishment for daring to be onto the narcissist!

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