Okay, I‘m going to warn you right from the very start…

If you are ever onto a narcissist:

They will show you a side of them even YOU would never have dreamed of seeing.

I hope you’re ready for that, because let me just say, things are going to get interesting. 

You’ll see it all, but luckily, you cannot unsee anything once you start seeing it. 

That mask has been well and truly on for all this time, and suddenly, as it slips, you begin to wake up…

…What happens now?

I’ve got the answers for you, right here. 

The Thing to Know About Narcissists…

Narcissists are so far removed from reality that you being onto them alone won’t be enough.

They won’t gather your suspicions and run with them because they’re so in their own head that they will fail to notice.

What really gets the narcissists attention is when you change. People do this after they’ve seen the narcissist’s true colors.

They start to act differently and they also treat the narcissist differently too. 

What used to be a people pleaser has turned into a guarded, stronger character, and narcissists hate that.

They cannot stand somebody offering them a different version of themselves they’re used to. 

You might present:

• In a way that stands your ground. You won’t budge just because the narcissist has demanded you do.
• You no longer do what they say. You won’t if they want you to stop talking to that person. It’s not up to them, after all.
• Your reality becomes clearer. All the times they have tricked you into confusion are now in the past. 
• You begin to see the bigger picture opening up before you. All the abuse becomes clear.

When Narcissists Know You See Through Them

Narcissists will know you see through them as soon as you stop giving them what they need.

Remember, they crave everything good in you, but they steal it from you. Once taken, they will never return it, just continue to sap it from you.

Realizing you are not a maple tree, you awaken, and everything changes.

I mean everything.

You’re finally putting yourself in harm’s way no more, and the narcissist becomes frustrated. 

The difference now is that they are no longer able to use the usual tricks to get a response from you.

The techniques they once had up their sleeve are going to be deemed useless if the person receiving them has their eyes wide open.

The frustration for them will become very real, very quickly

Caught in the Act: What Now For You?

When a narcissist realizes you’re onto them, it’s as if you’ve caught them in the act. You begin to understand that all the ways they would abuse or belittle you were nothing to do with you. 

It was everything to do with them.

What does this mean for you?

It means you get your freedom back. It means you get to pull back the control they’ve taken from you over time.

What could be more liberating than knowing you have released yourself from this painted belief that you’re the problem?

It will be a great time for you to get to the other side of the abuse, and start to piece the puzzle together.

The narcissist won’t enjoy it – but hey – it’s not about them anymore!

How Narcissists Respond to Being Uncovered

Narcissists are initially so frustrated when you blow their cover. Realizing you’ve changed is never going to work for them, because they can’t undo what you’ve learned.

The narcissist will find it impossible to claw back the submissive person who did as they were told, and acted in a way that kept them in control.

Their mind will start to spin out as they watch you: 

• Figure out their lies
• Understand their deceit
• Realize the extent they were gaslighted
• Watch them closely, making them undoubtedly uncomfortable
• Work on making your own self stronger again

Where the narcissist was once able to move people around and play them like a game of chess, the dynamics change completely.

All it takes to break the dynamics is one person figuring them out. It’s like pulling one card from a house of cards, and seeing it all fall down. 

You are that card, and you have pulled yourself out of the equation.

Now comes the consequences.

How Narcissists Handle Being Found Out

It’s natural for a narcissist to feel on guard when they’re found out. They notice and sense the change, and they are now wondering how to make it all ‘normal’ for them again. 

How they handle you finding out is quite interesting.

Anger

The narcissist is angry that now you are unreachable. You’ve checked out, and you’re nothing but disengaged to their tactics.

It’s like you were once a fire that has now burned out. No matter how many times they poke you, you’re not going to start up again. 

This enrages them.

Denial

If you were to start speaking up about what you realize, you’d probably have a little fun watching them deny any wrongdoing and potentially even turn it around on you.

Narcissists deny through sheer panic. They don’t want to be found out, and they don’t want you to ruin the perfect image they’ve spent years building. 

Narcissists deny when they have nowhere else to go. If you are showing them a version of themselves that’s far from ideal – they don’t want to see it. Even if it’s true, they don’t want to face seeing the ‘real’ them. 

That’s the person they can’t stand. 

Discard

So … Here it comes ….

The discard. You’re no good to them anymore. They don’t want you around. You’re useless.

Your supply has dried up. You know the real them. They can’t fool or trick you into believing their lies.

Your yesterday’s news, so any relationship is going to now be no relationship. 

Once they’re through with you, the next aim is to find the next ‘you.’ 

Revenge

Sometimes, yes, the narcissist sees you as somebody who needs a little calculated revenge thrown their way.

For all the times you have rattled their cage and questioned their games – you now get the treatment.

The smear campaign. 

It is not above the narcissist’s station to tell people what a troublemaker you are. How good you are at lying and the untrue rumors you spread about them. 

The narcissist will be believed because they’re so good and manipulating situations in their favor. 

You should consider it your punishment for daring to be onto the narcissist!

Are Narcissists Evil?

When you encounter a narcissist, your first thought isn’t going to be how evil they are.

Why would it be?

They’re charming. They’re attentive. They call you and want to see you. They promise you all kinds of crazy things.

The bait develops into a bite, and suddenly they’re reeling you in.

But… When does the evil show? Does it even exist?

In your own experience, can you tell me if you know any narcissists who are truly evil?

I hear you!

First Off…

Alright. I want you for a second to think about any of the narcissists you’ve previously encountered. 

Get a clear image of them in your head (bleurgh…), and ask yourself:

Was this person ever nice?

You’ll answer yes. Because they were. 

Over time and very gradually, narcissists move like tectonic plates around new people. They move so slowly, you don’t even feel like the ground below you is even moving. 

You feel safe, secure, and loved. You’re happy, they pay you lots of compliments, and their absolutely encapsulating nature blindsides you.

Narcissistic Earthquake

Suddenly, the ground starts rumbling. You stop what you’re doing, confused at how unsteady everything below you feels.

You thought you were safe.

Now there are cracks in your foundation, and weaknesses in your structure. 

The narcissist earthquake strikes. 

Bad behavior. 

Belittling.

Gaslighting.

Triangulation.

You feel isolated from loved ones.

Your confidence is plummeting.

Your self-esteem erases entirely. 

It begins.

We rarely have time to ask that one important question in the midst of such a change to our previously steady worlds.

Am I in the presence of evil?

How Could Anybody Be So…

Right. 

Well, it’s hard to imagine anybody having the ability to be so underhand: sly, crooked, unkind, egoistical, self-centered, dismissive, fragile. 

When a narcissist is all of those things plus so much more, you can equate them to having a really evil undertone.

The conscience they don’t have when they manipulate you or others.

The way they enjoy creating and watching conflict unfold while maintaining it’s “nothing to do with them” cannot be anything short of such a thing.

Narcissists Look For A Certain Someone

Narcissists know who they are looking for. They don’t zone in on strong, self-assured characters they know they can’t break. Also people they avoid are the ones who know narcissism (perhaps those who have had that experience and can spot them). 

They’re looking for a soft target. Somebody with the potential to forgive a thousand times. A person who always sees the good in others. An empathic soul, who can give the narcissist what they need. 

Themselves. 

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why does the narcissist only utilize their control and power over certain people?”

It’s because they know what they’re looking for. They have a list of criteria you must meet for them to feel you can provide something for them.

The Pick and Choose

When people come to me for advice about narcissists, they often say, “But they aren’t like this in front of anybody else.”

What I need you to understand about abusers is – they pick and choose their moods.

If a person can be overly, sickly sweet, nice to somebody in public, and then leave that event with you a different person – something’s up.

Underneath that swift change, there is intent—intent to appear nice to everybody else but to put all their toxicity into being alone with you. If a person is in control of that, they are in control of what they’re doing.

So much so, in fact, that it becomes nothing but a game to them. A way to use everyone they know as pawn pieces in their huge life game of chess.

How Can Destruction Not Be Evil?

Narcissists are known to pull entire families apart, simply because they can. They can seek out the scapegoat, ensure they’re isolated, and turn everybody else against them in a sheer act of toxic defiance.

They lose zero sleep at night worrying about you and how it has affected your mental wellbeing. 

They wake up each morning, not quite knowing what will happen, but strong in their knowledge they will handle it.

Even Their Kids?!

Painfully, yes.

I personally cannot look at the children in my family without thinking about how precious they are, and how much they mean to us all. 

I wouldn’t want any harm to come to them. Healthy families don’t. They love, cherish, teach, forgive, and nurture. Healthy parenting looks like encouraging growth and the ability to inspire. 

Money = Love

Narcissistic parents see their children as extensions of themselves. They control in the same way they would anybody else. They love money and material objects. They neglect without warning, and chop and change their moods to suit themselves.

They ignite anxiety and uncertainty in their children, as young as you can imagine. 

Narcissistic parents will walk all over their children to maintain their own innocence, and they don’t care how much they hurt them in the process.

In fact, if their child dares to speak up and say, “The things you say and do hurt my feelings,” they will be hung out to dry. 

Ask yourself this…

I want to leave you with an open-ended question that I hope can go some way to help you understand the true evil nature of a narcissist.

How has the narcissist changed your life?

I ask this as a way to get you to think about all the ways their evil nature has trickled into areas of your life you didn’t think were possible.

Maybe they stopped you from getting that job.

Maybe they poke fun at the clothes you wear.

Are they behind the reason you no longer see that family member, or friend?

Have you become less confident since you’ve known them?

Do they make you feel nervous or on edge when you’re near them?

Are they the cause of much conflict?

True evil rarely comes at you so overtly. If it did, you’d hold your hands up and say, “Hey! Not today!” We don’t do this initially with a narcissist because they come at us with their cycle of abuse.

The love bombing.

The smiles and fake promises that we cling to. 

Why? Because we’ve no reason to believe they are bad at all. We see the good. 

Narcissists take root before you’ve even realized they’re narcissists. They grow slowly and, over time, begin to take over your entire character. They’re hard to get rid of, and the task can often feel overwhelming. 

They’re dangerously evil.

They’re human Japanese Knotweed.