When a narcissist meets you and you tick all their boxes, they will not want to hesitate in marrying you.
For them, it can’t come quickly enough, and they have to ensure you are locked in to them forever.
But why? What’s the hurry?
Control.
When you marry a narcissist too fast, there will be consequences, and today is all about laying those out for you.
I want to save as many of you as I can! This is a good place to start.
#1 You meet… and BAM!
It’s fast, right? Like, really fast. Like a bullet hurtling through the air at top speed toward its target.
The bullet is the narcissist, and you are the target. Before you even have a chance to catch your breath, the narcissist will have caught your attention and given you all the affection, love and energy you need to think they’re The One.
Fireworks go off, you feel comforting, like you’ve known them forever. You and they are so alike, and by day three you’re having the deepest life conversation you’ve ever had.
As flattered as you feel when you meet the narcissist, you are pulled in and assessed.
The narcissist wants you for reasons you probably haven’t considered yet.
Your empathy.
The way you are so good at people-pleasing.
The attention you give them.
The way you fall for their charm.
How available you are making yourself.
The committed energy you’re giving off.
The faster the narcissist moves, the less time you have to think why this isn’t right or healthy.
#2 Love at first sight? You’ve no time to think!
There’s never any space to pause when it comes to love at first sight. For you, it’ll feel amazing, but in actual fact, it will be for all the wrong reasons.
Narcissists will fill every one of your moments with their presence. The calls, texts, making plans together.
You’re constantly engaged by their communication, and it gives you very little time to reflect on what’s really going on.
You don’t have time to question, or think at all. And that’s the idea. The point the narcissist wants to silently make is that you don’t have a choice in how you got swept up if the current is moving fast enough.
If it all feels overwhelming, that’s because it’s meant to. And any thoughts you have only slow the process the narcissist is carving out for the both of you.
They cannot allow this to happen.
#3 Swept up … and away
As the momentum of love and marriage carries you away, you might have friends that say, “Hey.
Maybe slow down a little.” The narcissist has you so gripped and invested in this love story that you don’t listen. Why would you lend an ear to what you don’t really want to hear?
You’re in the midst of a perfect relationship, and you feel safe inside that story.
Remembering that speed isn’t how romance works won’t be on your to-do-list, as you just want to lean into the passion; forgetting entirely that it’s control.
Being swept up feels wonderful, and nothing else really registers with you.
#4 Marriage before you can blink
Without blinking, marriage arrives at your doorstep. You feel like a million dollars, and the narcissist has given you everything you want for the big day.
It’s fast, sure, but you are locked in and you want this.
You are locked in.
The narcissist knows that as soon as the deal is done, having access to you, all the security that goes with it and the legal aspects are all tied up with a big bow.
You’re bound, but you don’t see it as that, you see it as love being celebrated.
Finally, the narcissist has got what they want.
#5 Love story for life? I don’t think so
The wedding between a narcissist and their victim is usually the catalyst for everything to start shifting for the worse.
It’s the start of your relationship becoming unrecognizable, but you won’t be thinking that as you exchange vows with big smiles on your faces.
As soon as you are married, the affection will begin to dwindle. You might start hearing the odd critical comment, and you find yourself working harder and harder to make them happy.
It feels like they care less, because they do care less. As far as the narcissist is concerned, the hard work is done.
They’ve got you, and the fairytale can start to fade as real life sets in.
The love story you wanted and were hoping for is not for life.
#6 Time paints a different picture
There will come a point where you will realize that you never truly knew the person you married.
You thought you did, but it transpired that they were putting on an act all along to get you to fall for their charm, and invest into a love story that was purely fabricated.
Over time, that will come to light all by itself, and you will be left in no doubt that the speed you met and married played a huge part in your inability to walk away freely and easily.
#7 Feeling trapped
It feels impossible, right? It’s as if you’re going to be stuck with the narcissist forever and a day.
Marriage complicates being able to walk away and not look back, because you now have joint assets, and a legal contract to sign out of.
Emotionally, you also feel trapped because the narcissist has manipulated you so much that you’ve lost touch with a once strong support system you relied upon.
Financially, they have you trapped, too. They know that you can’t make it on your own, and that you’d need a miracle to get you out.
It’s sad, it’s frustrating, but this is precisely why the narcissist rushed marriage.
Knowing they were locking all exit doors would have been the reason the narcissist wanted to marry you quickly.
#8 Knowing your rights
Leaving a marriage with a narcissist takes time and knowledge, both of which you have the ability to possess.
You are stuck now, yes, but that doesn’t mean you are stuck forever.
Gaining clarity from the speed of which your marriage came about will help widen your eyes to what your spouse is really like.
Peace can begin when you step back into yourself and understand the root cause of this relationship.
Speed does not equate to love. You can get to know somebody in a healthy period of time and take it day by day.
There doesn’t need to be displays and admissions of love on day three of knowing somebody, and a marriage doesn’t have to quickly follow.
At times, yes, victims choose to stay because they think it;s easier than leaving. Initially, that might be so, but will that solve your problem?
Will it make you happy? Will you feel free? Do you see yourself living a fulfilling and confident life?
Weighing up those options can feel difficult, but the important part is knowing why marriage is such a fast concept for any narcissist, and why they use it to trap and control their victims.
Don’t include yourself in this equation.
