I know so many of you are curious about this fallout! When a narcissist’s true colors are exposed to their own family – you’d better run for shelter.
It’s a harsh reality that eventually – this is going to happen. Either somebody or something will blow the narcissist’s cover.
It’s an interesting dynamic that unfolds, and it rarely goes well (what does, with a narcissist around?!) Fingers point at the narcissist – all hell breaks loose.
I am about to fill your mind with family dysfunction at its finest.
Stick with me – and give yourself a point for everything you have experienced.
Narcissists and Families
It’s hard to know where to start with this!
It’s bad enough that a narcissist is in your life through choice – whether that be friendship, work, or who you happened to ‘fall for.’
It’s quite another league to experience a narcissist within your own family.
Your own flesh and blood.
Over the years, you’re forced to see them, spend time with them, be around them – even be raised by them!
If you have a narcissistic parent, I will also bet my car* that you also have at least one narcissistic sibling.
(*I like my car. I want to keep it).
The narcissist in your family is no different to the narcissist you could pick up at the bar. They’re full of the same charm, games, and ploys.
Eventually, like all narcissists – their day will come.
Family Feud: Unmasking the Narcissist’s True Colors
It takes a brave person to call out a narcissist to the family. I’ve seen what it can do to people before in my line of work, and it’s more than just a case of pointing fingers.
Narcissists are true professionals at what they do, so if you were to expose them, you’re going to be in for a world of pain.
Unmasking the narcissist can look like:
- Telling a family member your experience of the narcissist, and what they’ve done to hurt you.
- Speaking up about the way they try to dominate conversations, or get attention through the way they act or how they treat others.
- Speaking truthfully about how they create unnecessary drama at family events, or in certain situations.
It’s no secret that the narcissist has true colors underneath the mask they constantly wear.
They are terrified it will slip, but live in the overly inflated opinion that nobody would dare pull it off and expose them…
…Would they…?
Family Dynamics in Turmoil: Confronting the Narcissist
So – here comes the day where the narcissist is exposed. Either you or some other poor member of your family is about to be the one to stand up and speak the truth.
It’s been weeks, months, even years in the pipeline.
Throats are cleared, and the narcissist is finally held accountable for actions that have caused major stress, despair and sadness.
Confronting the narcissist will cause them to retaliate. Here’s a snippet of what you can expect:
#1 Rage
The first reaction is usually anger. The narcissist doesn’t know what else to do in this situation. The anger is directed outward because the accusations raise their barriers of defense. They’re scared, but they don’t want to show it, as that would go against their untouchable egos.
#2 Denial
Of course, anything you accuse them of, they will deny. They may even be likely to throw it back at you. You’re the cause, you’re the reason – not them. Denial is a tactic, but it’s those who are most guilty who protest the most.
#3 Tears
Anything to gain immediate sympathy from those around them will be activated. Most of all, it will be the tears, and they will come thick and fast.
The tears of a narcissist are fake at all times. They’re also very convincing, and they will be used against you and any exposing you feel like lifting at any given moment.
#4 Silent treatment
You shall be punished in all ways they see fit!
Starting with…
…The silent treatment!
Silent treatment acts as punishment for anybody who dares speak up against them. They will withhold their children from seeing you, they will stop attending events you’re at – whatever it takes.
When people question what they’re doing, they won’t hesitate in throwing your name under the proverbial bus.
It’s at that point you mustn’t allow their silence to dictate an apology that isn’t deserved.
#5 Projection
“It’s not me, it’s you!”
All the ways the narcissist can blame you – they will blame you.
You made me do it!
If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be this way!
What do you expect, when I have to put up with your constant criticism!
I’m sorry, whose constant criticism?
Those who expose the narcissist will be the direct target of their projection. It’s not unusual for them to drag in innocent bystanders too. Whoever they can to deflect the attention and blame from them will do the trick.
If a narcissist projects, it’s because they are already guilty by default. Watching them try to get themselves out of the corner they’ve backed themselves into can be fun!
Narcissists, remember, have created an image for themselves.
Even to family and friends, this image is seen as perfect. They want to be idolized and adored by all. If you come along and show everybody their true colors, that entire image has been shattered in seconds.
#6 Revenge
As soon as you’ve opened your mouth, the narcissist is inventing ways to get back at you. They will smear your name and create lies about you. They won’t hesitate in revealing any secrets they’ve been keeping.
The narcissist will out you if they need to – all in the name of revenge.
Family Reactions
If you ever doubt whether it’s a good idea to expose the narcissist, here’s something I want you to consider.
You wouldn’t be outing them without good reason, right? For whatever you are holding in you, you’ve been holding it for a long time. It’s likely been like a weight you’ve had to carry.
Now, you get to the point where you want to just scream and let it all out.
Maybe it isn’t a good idea to scream or shout. Maybe it’s better to stick to the facts, speak calmly and clearly, and see who agrees.
There is always somebody who will understand you. Narcissists aren’t clever 100% of the time. If behaviors have been spotted, they will be justified by the thoughts of others.
Speak in your truth, and stay in it.
It’s the only way you are going to start to heal.
Yes, there are consequences – but you can handle them.
