What Happens When a Narcissist is Confronted With Evidence of Their Lies?

What are you showing me this for?!

Clearly, you’ve made this all up to get to me!

Nobody is going to believe you!

It’s my word against yours!

Oh, the narcissist will try it all. But more than that… they will really let all their feelings out, and aim them directly to you in the process.

When you confront a narcissist with evidence – sometimes even that can’t be enough for them to admit their mistakes.

Oh my God, what else can you do, right?!

Prepare For a Show!

Imagine catching a magician in the middle of a trick. You then point out the hidden scarf up his sleeve. 

The magician looks horrified! How could you?!

Well, that’s how a narcissist feels when confronted with evidence of their lies. This is their first act in this drama, known as the Great Show of Denial and Dispute!

Narcissists are experts of denial. When presented with undeniable proof, they will still look you straight in the eye and flat-out deny any wrongdoing. 

They want to believe their sheer force of will can change what you know and what happened. 

That never happened 

Oh, they will insist on that with such a strong conviction it could almost make you doubt your own sanity.

Well, that’s what they want you to do.

Denial serves as a barrier against the reality that threatens the image they spent so long constructing. It’s the narcissist’s way of saying, “If I don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist.” This is less about convincing you and more about maintaining their false image.

“You! You Did This!”

Before I look into the reactions of a narcissist, I want you to know that no matter how they react, you will be to blame. 

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It will all be you. You caused this, you made a scene, you fell into the vortex of blame, and now you are at fault for that.

They narcissist wants to be seen as somebody perfect, and your evidence is going to dent that perfection to a point where other people will notice.

Oh, the SHAME!

Evidence Means Nothing

When confronting a narcissist with ANY evidence of their lies or manipulations, you might think that proof will be enough.

Well, they have to admit to doing something wrong. After all, I have evidence right here!

No. I mean, you can wave it around and send it to the newspapers, but it will be challenged in some way, as will you

For narcissists, evidence means nothing at all. 

Why the Defence?

Narcissists can’t stand to think of anybody thinking ill of them. If they are found to be liars and admitted to being so, nobody is going to trust them again.

They will be seen as people to avoid. Because narcissists hate themselves to the extent they do, you won’t see them admit to a thing.

In fact, they’d sooner throw you under the bus than have their own name tossed about like a piece of raw meat in a zoo. 

How to Cope With The Narcissist During Times of Confrontation

#1 Calm Wins

When confronting a narcissist, you have to maintain your composure. 

There are no two ways about this. You will only come off as a better person if you remove your irrational mind and voice from the situation. 

It’s hard – I get it. I know you will want to scream and shout, and that might feel good in that moment. In doing so, you’re giving the narcissist exactly what they want – your reaction

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Remember that narcissists thrive on chaos. The more you throw their way, the more they will love it. They will do everything in their power to provoke you and push your buttons.

Staying calm? Well, it’s your secret weapon.

People often ask me:

But, Alexander, why does calmness work? 

My reply is always: 

It throws the narcissist off balance. 

They will expect you to react with emotion so they can twist the situation to their advantage. You doing that will be a gift to them. 

However, staying calm will deny them this opportunity. 

Your calm composure also demonstrates strength – something they don’t have – which can undermine their attempts to manipulate you.

#2 Trust Your Gut

Your intuition is a powerful tool, especially when dealing with a narcissist. Sometimes it can feel as though you’ve lost it after you’ve been stuck in an abusive relationship or friends with a narcissist for a long time. 

Narcissists are skilled at smearing your reality so you don’t recognize it, making you doubt yourself. Trusting your gut can help you see through their manipulations and stay grounded in your truth – the truth. 

Trusting your gut is important, because all the while you’re around a narcissist, they will try their hardest to separate you from yourself. 

They want you to not# know who you are anymore, so they can tell you for themselves (and they’ll give you the very false version).

#3 They Don’t Stick to the Facts

Oh, no, I think that was from…

No! You’ve got it wrong. This was supposed to be…

I remember something similar happening to my parents a while ago. In fact, I should call them later and see how they are…

STOP!!

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Stop talking about irrelevant things! They chop and change topics to watch you try to keep up. They know what they’re doing and won’t hesitate to continue, even when you are holding evidence right in front of them.

Facts are facts. 

Don’t be swayed to drop your evidence in favor of the narcissist’s word salads. 

#4 Walk Away If You Need To

Sometimes, I hate to tell you to admit defeat, but the best response is walking away. 

Narcissists are relentless in their attempts to provoke and control you, and they will stop at nothing.

Recognizing when it’s time to disengage is crucial. 

You won’t tolerate it anymore, and you are signing out. 

It’s a powerful message to send – and it will help you heal more quickly. 

#5 Never Cave In

Standing your ground and holding the narcissist accountable must never be compromised. You know with the evidence you have, that the narcissist lied. No talking or whimpering or denial will ever outshine the facts you have in your hands.

Don’t let them take away your reality. It’s worth far more than you will ever imagine.

Once you learn to stand your ground, you will become comfortable in how good it feels to finally be able to speak up and refuse to be controlled or manipulated by the narcissist.

So many people who gain knowledge do this because they have learned the tricks and learned to overcome them. 

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